Still Standing
MyPTSD Pro
Though I have dealt with these thoughts, very strongly at times, when push comes to shove, I know that, for me it is wrong. Though my life is not the desired norm, there is a purpose to it somehow. And I will have to answer to God with what I do with it. He is the giver and taker of life, whether we are able to understand the whys of the whole thing, fair or not. If there were no higher power than myself, then suicide would not hold me back. And having almost died before complete with a very spiritual encounter with Jesus, I believe my life is not my own to take. This does not mean that I have not seriously considered throwing things to the wind and driving off a cliff. I have struggled with ways to stop my life. Suicide thoughts have nipped at my heels a lot lately. But, there remains an undercurrent of hope for better times. And as what has been mentioned, though I might end my life, the ripple affect would unfairly hurt the innocent around me, causing their own sense of loss and trauma. I don't want to be blamed for another's hurt. I've experienced and caused enough upset in the family circle. In a way, I think it is better to contain a deadly bomb inside me rather than to unleash it, causing more hurt and trauma to the innocent around me. So, instead, I have sought mental health help with hopes of improving my inside turmoil and frustrations. The big "S" is a bully and false solution.