So I had a review of my illnesses last week by the benefits people, and today I get a letter of what the assessor said - he lied from start to finish, basically saying that I had said how fantastic Im doing, out all the time, fit and healthy and enjoying life, lie lie lie lies. I never said anything of the sort and he never examined me (I wouldnt have let him near me, I hated that they gave me a male assessor) or tested me on my abilities like he claims. He even refers to me as being 'himself' at one point, so clearly its just a copy and pasted report he makes and he forgot to change it from a man to woman. To be honest Im beyond caring that they have cancelled my benefits, I could do with just crawling under a rock somewhere, but I am so livid about the lying. Iv spent my whole life being bullied, belittled and rejected and this just makes me snap and want to do something really horrible to this *bleep*. To make such lies is just pure nasty, when Iv felt like ending it all a few times over the last few months and struggled to even walk and feed myself some days.
I hate myself, because I gradually get better and better over months, get so optimistic, with hiccups I can deal with, and then slam - someone throws me off my feet and im back to starting over. Its like Im not allowed to be ok, or im not allowed to be ill, im not allowed to be anything. I feel like screaming the place down but not allowed.
I took revenge on the letter, scribbling LIES! all over it. Many swearwords going through my head today, and feeling i might explode or implode or something.
:(
I hate myself, because I gradually get better and better over months, get so optimistic, with hiccups I can deal with, and then slam - someone throws me off my feet and im back to starting over. Its like Im not allowed to be ok, or im not allowed to be ill, im not allowed to be anything. I feel like screaming the place down but not allowed.
I took revenge on the letter, scribbling LIES! all over it. Many swearwords going through my head today, and feeling i might explode or implode or something.
:(