A question for those with a disability

[TruthSeeker]

I have several disabilities, and I disclose in places that it is appropriate for others to know. So, do I tell people about my thyroid disease...heck no! My osteoporosis....not necessary! My moderate to severe hearing impairment....yes, I give a speech to all of my classes, and tell the kiddos that good communication skills, to the hearing impaired or nonhearing impaired, is looking at someone when they are talking or you are talking to them. They are fascinated with hearing aids, want to look at them, and they ask lots of questions. When I catch them saying nasty things I can't hear across the room, but I can lip read, I have my fun and they feel "caught"-that's the I might not be able to hear you but I can see you speaking and read your lips. I have other ailments....do I disclose PTSD? Only to people who would understand, protect me, stand up for me, or who understand issues with anxiety themselves.

Oh and I don't like the word....disabled or handicapped- but prefer "challenged or impaired" with a modifier "mildly, moderately, severely" which better describes the condition (hearing, visually, emotionally, physically, etc.) in the individual. I think they suggest change is possible, are a little more accurate...paint a brighter picture....a little more positive and lend themselves to still "functioning" within a set of limits. Disabled reminds me of something that has no power/can't function, no get up and go, can't do-like I disabled my phone...it's dead! A handicap -I just don't like the derogatory nature of the word.....kinda reminds me of helpless or golf-favoritism. And don't get me going on retarded.....vs mildly intellectually challenged. I'm done.

 

[TruthSeeker]

I have a hard time even calling PTSD a "disability" (on myself only). It's almost like I'm taking a label...

I had to use PTSD at work to get an ADA accommodation from a narcissistic boss who was intentionally coming after me and triggering me. I waited too long to put in a complaint. Disclosing has pitfalls, but it has stopped the majority of his shit-and I felt empowered with it.

 

[shimmerz]

I like to be called Shimmerz. I have no interest in people relating to me as disabled or injured or spastic or crazy or any of those names. I don't feel like any of those things. I have been traumatized and it affects my life but I resist classifications beyond Shimmerz.

 

[TruthSeeker]

I like to be called Shimmerz. I have no interest in people relating to me as disabled or injured or s...

I hate labels. Unfortunately they are a necessary evil in the medical/educational field. I work in a field that requires labels for differing disabilities. Most of them I see as derogatory and many are off base. Other labels I see as wrong....so, you are right to feel this way. Labels make $$$$ get to the right pockets and research completed.

 

[RandyMac]

I'm a skinny wore out old guy, that happens to have PTSD as well.
I broke bones, tore muscles, absorbed impacts, had enough stitches to put together a soccer ball.
The World sees me as a crippled, unsteady old man. I am a survivor.

 

[TruthSeeker]

I'm a skinny wore out old guy, that happens to have PTSD as well.
I broke bones, tore muscles, absorb...

I have a hard time with labels-survivor sounds so.....that's it????....that's all I am??? No, I'm more than a survivor!....after all I've gone through....you, we all are much more than survivors....screw the world's perceptions.....you can have any perception of yourself you desire....you can be more than a survivor if that is what you want. I could not settle for this description of myself- I am more than just a survivor...we are all survivors....but as individuals we are much more than survivors.

If you are content with life and with this description of yourself, cool. I am hearing impaired, I have brittle bones and break easily, I'm neurologically impaired, emotionally challenged from several types of past abuse, naïve (this is a challenge), I have PTSD but I see these only as my challenges in life....they do not define who I am as a person....disability and labels don't define us unless we let them. When we let labels define us, we short-change and limit ourselves. My challenges have made me the person I am today..... they have made me stronger, and I possess better problem solving skills as a result. They allow me to help others who have similar issues. They have made me the unique person I am today. Yes, I still struggle....but I believe it is life's struggles and how we respond within our value system and behavior towards others that defines us. Not our disabilities.

 

[somerandomguy]

I have no problem with the "survivor" label. Hell, I call myself a "victim of domestic violence" quite frequently, depending on who I am addressing ... because I want them to feel uncomfortable. I want them to look at me, a white middle-aged man, and reassess eveything they know about domestic violence. If I know the person well, I'll also throw in "sexual abuse survivor" as well, which really gets them thinking.

I'm tired of hiding. If that means I label myself, screw it. Maybe I'll feel different after I process this and get to a new normal, but right now I want the whole world to see that it can happen to anyone.

 

[TruthSeeker]

I have no problem with the "survivor" label. Hell, I call myself a "victim of domestic violence" q...

Abuse can happen to anyone, you are right and I get it. I guess I have more recently developed a different perspective....there is the difference between a secret (hidden/knowledge or information or an incident/actions which has a sense of being somewhat mysterious in nature) and something that is personal and therefore I view my PTSD and abuse as private. I figure disclosure, for most, will not make them think...it will give them fuel for gossip which I don't want or need. It may cause me more grief because they don't understand...or maybe cant. Besides, I can't move forward if I'm trying to change other's opinions.....way too much energy involved.

Private things are matters or issues that I deal with that I choose not to disclose to others. Returns I get from taking this path are less stupid questions, not being the center of ugly gossip, and staying away from potential negativity. I have people that love to diagnose, prescribe, and then follow up to see if I'm taking their advice in my life. I don't need this in my life. Drama comes along enough without me helping it by talking about my issues or weaknesses.

So, I choose not to disclose except in circumstances where that is in my best interest. I don't feel I have the time or energy to "teach" others, then correct them when they perceive what I'm saying incorrectly at this point in time nor do I really care about their opinion of me. This makes for a simpler life.

 

[EveHarrington]

I don’t really like “survivor” as it feels redundant and makes me uncomfortable.

I’m ok with “victim” because it’s accurate as a descriptor.

“Disabled” is fine but only for technical reasons.

I much prefer “human” or “person” or “female” or really any other descriptor.....who happens to have PTSD.

 

[Sweetpea76]

I don't think my vet has an issue with being labeled disabled. He is disabled. He cannot walk around like able-bodied people. People can look at him and see some of his disabilities. He needs handicapped access. He identifies as a disabled person. It isn't his entire identity, but it is the reality of his life. It's like being male, or American. It is what it is, and he accepts it. He doesn't want to be coddled or patronized, but he has had to learn to take the accommodations to get by.

I think he's been through a lengthy acceptance process with his combat injuries. He had to mourn his able-bodiedness.

 

[Muttly]

I know I commented on this once but here I am again. I guess I see labels differently than a lot of you. I don't see any label as defining me. They are just a description and none of them are the sum of who I am. To step away from disability for a moment, I am very, very short. I am not going to say that I should only be referred to as muttly. The reality is I am short and there are going to be sometimes when that description is necessary or useful. To give another example, I was working with a group of people One of us was black. Someone was looking for that guy but didn't know his name. He wouldn't say "black" so it took a lot more effort to figure out who he was talking about then if he'd just used the word. And the avoidance of the word, created more stigma around being black than their needed to be.

I am not going to be ashamed of the fact that I have motor skill issues, processing issues like dyslexia, ptsd, etc. I am not going to stigmatize the words by avoiding them. And sometimes the words come in useful. If someone asked me to write several pages worth of testimony by hand, I would have to explain that I am extremely dysgraphic and that task is almost impossible for me to do and will be full of errors. I am going to say "I'm dysgraphic" because I am. <shrug> I am also so many other things.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Would you better like to be called „a person with a disability“ or a „disabled person“

A person with a disability. A "disabled person" to me sounds like a "freak" or "weirdo" or something. I have mental and physical disabilities. Fact. I am not, however, "disabled". If that makes any sense. Semantics really but its just what I prefer. I do, however, say "I'm disabled". So, it honestly doesn't matter. If given the 2 choices of which I prefer, having a disability is what I'd prefer of the two if given the choice of the two.