T today. We discussed quite a lot actually. Oddly the majority centered around dad and sexual boundary crossing there. Which has my mind going in crappy directions. I’d never thought of my dad molesting me, it was always my stepdad. I still don’t think dad necessarily did, but my T had questions and I can’t deny that my responses, looking from the outside in, were weird. Her big concerns were that him and I would kiss on the lips, up through to my teens, I’d be spanked naked with a bare hand relatively often and up into my teens, and the fact we’d occasionally share a room/bed because there wasn’t room for me to have my own space- including one of the times he was married and I’d sleep on the floor at the foot of their bed.
I don’t know. He wasn’t the one raping me so I don’t know how much I want to pay attention to this. Dad was a good man in his own f*cked up way.
In other news, I get to make the trauma timeline now and I’m kinda dreading it. Other homework is continuing nightly safe place meditation which is weirdly helping quite a lot and to do the temperature scale thing and depending where I land on that either do extra meditation and other stuff to lower it or check in with my parts if it’s already low and I’m good.
Lots to do this week. Abilify is doing pretty good, forces me to eat regularly which may end up being a good thing in the long run. I do have the dietitian appointment coming up soon. The only thing is I can’t not have nap time a couple hours after getting up. And I really really need that to lessen so I can get shit done each day. But when I’m up my mood and motivation is increasingly good.
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