A wtf situation? Opinions? - Concerns About Age Gap & Other Issues In Poly Relationship

The reason I hooked up with him was because I wanted to see what it was like with a cis man, and honestly I didn't like it -- with HIM. Probably because I am SO asexual. I needed a better connection first, and so I tried to make one, because I don't want to sleep with a total stranger. No hate to people who do, I just personally want to at least make sure it's safe for me or whatever.

But I'm frustrated now because I just really can't seem to actually enjoy sex, and I want to. I don't think the asexual thing is due to trauma at all -- I definitely had inklings of it growing up as well. Identifying with the term has helped me find people who cope with similar issues, at least, who have not had trauma.

Basically what I mean to say in this mild ass update is that (1) I wish I had enjoyed it and I wish I could turn enjoying it on and off consciously, and (2) it is obviously not the sex I am missing because no offense but he was not very good at it (for me, as in I'm not into kink apparently).

This literally became all emotional, in that I want to help a fellow human out, by instinct, but cannot, because the consequences of doing so might be too... um. word. weird? unfortunate?

I'm just so frustrated with myself that this happened at all. And I literally can't think with my dick so I'm not sure why I even tried ?

I say that as a joke but I am genuinely annoyed that I'm having to process this right now. Maybe I should send him a resource or something so I don't feel like I'm leaving the dude empty-handed? But like, why? I've never been through a divorce and I don't want to be involved and it's literally not about me 🤦🏻

Unless this is more of the moral OCD kicking in telling me if I don't leave on a positive note I'm secretly making the world slightly more evil, but I didn't ask to be in a random situation that I literally can not be graceful in
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Did they target you?
If it makes you feel better, no, they didn't. He reached out to me on an app and I found out he lived 20 minutes away, so decided to meet up after several months of just texting/chatting to make sure it was a real person/someone not trying to rush or pressure me into something at least.
 
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