A wtf situation? Opinions? - Concerns About Age Gap & Other Issues In Poly Relationship

This is raising all kinds of red flags for me. Those of us with trauma are vulnerable. Did they target you? How can what they tell you be verified as factual? I have no issues with gay dom sub etc just staying safe personally. A situation can quickly escalate to danger.
 
He's been texting me asking for support and I've been trying to make it clear that I don't really know either of them that well and can't say who's abused whom or anything else. I didn't stop texting back tho because I felt sorry for him that he has lost his job, will now lose housing, and his marriage. but also I'm aware logically that I do not owe anyone comfort, but I don't want to be mean. And I have autism so communication is weak at times. As in, I do not know what to say to make it comfortable for me to stop texting back, but idk. But I just blocked another person today for trying to form an extremely unhealthy attachment to me despite me repeatedly telling him to back off, so now I feel even weirder that there's two of them I need to tell to back off.

So hopefully next time I block before I get this uncomfortable. Case closed.
 
It turns out the real issue all along was I won't trust my gut when something feels off because I'm afraid of hurting people
It's so positive you have realised this.

And I'm sorry he is putting all this on you.
It's great you have blocked the other person.
Hope you are able to block or say what you want to him and put yourself first as opposed to your worry of upsetting him..
 
Having trouble dealing with this still, despite the positives of noticing the problems I'm having. I feel so guilty and unattached to my own values right now because I'm distancing myself from him, but I've only known him for, like I said, less than 3 or 4 months, so I'm not sure why I feel so bad about this, I guess.

He moved here from another state, along with his wife, to get away from abusers. Guy's version of events are that she left to go to another state recently, then told their landlord, friends, etc. that he was abusing her, and she is trying to ruin his life, etc. And he's struggling with feelings of betrayal, and has nobody for comfort. And obviously it's in my values as a human being to comfort him and be there for him, but I don't want to get in the middle of his divorce, especially since I don't know what's going on and I know I wouldn't be helpful for emotional support.

This is so confusing. This is why I don't like to try to date, it's all drama and people I don't know what to do with :/

I feel really, really bad for him because he has no family, is in a new place, just lost his job, just lost his wife, may lose his housing, etc. He's been nothing but respectful and kind and I think if we had met differently we could have at least been friends, but I don't know.

And I don't even know what's going on.

So when he texted me asking if I'd come over some time, I texted back and told him probably not, as nicely as I could. And I feel like I've really let him down, and let myself down because the last thing I want to do is not be helpful or emotionally available. But I'm not lying when I tell him I'm really having a hard time, and he's having a hard time, and I doubt I'd be helpful at all. In fact, if we're attached to each other already, it's likely a trauma bond anyway.

I don't know. It's weird and confusing and I wish I hadn't tried to make more friends at this point. It be like that sometimes I guess lol
 
I don't know. It's weird and confusing and I wish I hadn't tried to make more friends at this point. It be like that sometimes I guess lol
The POTENTIAL of strangers, married to the SPARK of seeing something you like/want/recognize?

Ain’t a bad thing.

It’s a START.

Continuing to evaluate? (Instead of the first impression fallacy / abuse paradigm of holding onto a fantasy, instead of reality?) Is a GOOD thing. Even if disappointing, sometimes.

I f*cking hate disappointment. Only raising kids to handle it better than I do has given me any real adult ability in not letting disappointment direct my decisions.
 
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