Abandonment Issues - Seems We All Have It?

[7Cs]

Yep... I've got them.

I was physically abandoned as a child though so it makes sense.
I can see how trauma in general, the idea that we are damaged, can cause abandonment issues. And being emotionally abandoned is also going to bring on those issues.

My T doesn't know how I ended up in a long healthy marriage. Neither do I!

 

[The Albatross]

Not all, but I'm "ambivalent" attachment style... guess that says something too. I have developed low expectations for others and trend now to use ambivalence as a personal coping style. The middle of both extremes in my own opinion... yet with it comes it's own complications.

 

[Go Hungry]

Feeling much better. Actually I calmed down almost immediately after getting some sleep. Everything is going well, though I'm really stressed with the upcoming move. I think I'm doing well though.

It is so hard, sometimes.. to let go of the past. Not just things that happened to you, but letting go of the person you used to be. Yesterday I was filled with saudade.. I just turned 41, and I don't know if there's some midlife crisis going on, but.. It's now been 20 years since my true glory days. The summer of 96' was magical and amazing and filled with so much beauty. Life felt so vibrant, and I was in love with two wonderful girls. That all went away at the end of summer, when they made up with their ex's. (I had a career as 'the other man' for a while, lol.)

And I'm just, missing it. I wonder if they still love me.. if I hold a special place in their hearts. I know it's a ludicrous concept, but.. I've always kept them precious inside me. I understand that it's all over, but... I love them still. I love that whole year.

So that's what's had me blue. Sheesh, I should put all this in my trauma diary.. Lol.

 

[Bloomy]

@Go Hungry

Haha thanks for sharing your glory days and that you are doing better.

Sorry you made me smile with your reminising.

Atleast it reminds me there are some benefits of having had a shit life. No glory days to long back for.
Well actually I do have mine too - when I started my fitness (10 years ago) and fell in love with it. And how fit I eventually became and how much joy and light it brought to my world. Makes me sad that part is over. My fitness now is takin a diferent turn Im yet to figure it out.

Oh Ill go and cry for the memories now....

No - Ill be ok. Ill find a new way so help me God and new fitness.

 

[Nevermore]

Oh yes abandonment. I never feel sure of snyone - even people who do feel sure of me!
I'm never surprised and always expecting people to leave.
I really envy people who feel that security with others.
There's a couple of people I did actually feel that with but one is dead, one gone.
It's so rare for me. And always feels like it's in their hands not mine - even though I do the whole pushing away thing.
Think I only do that because it's frightening to me to have another hold so much power over me - and I know they do and they will as soon as I start caring...
It's a nightmare really!

 

[Stickler]

I split into fragments of self, which then became autonomous, because I didn't have anyone to help me handle what was happening.

Abuse is abandonment...I'm afraid to love because those who love me destroy me(???).

My problem has been that I see the good in everyone...and this can blind me to the asshole facet that's more usually in operation.
I have taken truckloads of flaming fecal matter from my exes.
Somewhere I remember the idea that doing that is a leftover from trying to see goodness in my abusive parents?
So I fear being hurt, AND I have a history of selecting emotionally abusive people to cling to.

...@Go Hungry, people have a really annoying habit of asking questions they DON'T want the answer to!

My ex-guy went absolutely nuts when one of my alters said they didn't trust him...Uh...that alter is a child alt who doesn't trust ANYBODY.
Hel-LO! :facepalm:
The ex-guy then proceeded to do a number of things that SHOWED me I should never trust him. He still blames me for the actions he took.
He's a dick.

 

[Weemie]

I don't have abandonment issues, because I do not allow myself to lower the shields long enough to truly depend on and/or trust someone else. People leaving is expected. Human interaction is a business model. You get what you pay for. I keep my receipts.

 

[Mit]

An insightful post thanks @Bloomy

I've been reading The Primal Wound by Nancy Verrier. It's about adoption. There's a lot about abandonment in it, and its long term Impact. The book has opened my eyes, there is so much that I can relate to and traits I have that can apparently be traced to feelings of abandonment. From what I've read so far feelings of abandonment can be a very big deal. I was put up for adoption, at birth and adopted when I was five. I also lost all of my close friends five years ago, and am starting to understand why it's had such a profound and lasting impact on me.

I hope you're able to get help and support, whilst uncovering and understanding the impact abandonment has had on you. Be kind to yourself and best wishes.

Mit

 

[Tinyflame]

Abandonment, and neglect was so core & familiar to me, I can't imagine it any other way. I wouldn't call it 'normal', in that I don't think everyone feels this way, but I expect it or I believe it inevitable.

ETA, I suppose that should make it so that it doesn't affect me, but that's not the case. Familiar, but painful. Affects my self-worth or self-identity, perception of my self & life, I guess.

 

[Chem Lady]

Totally have abandonmemy issues! My single-parent mom tricked us into thinking she'd abandoned us kids then laughed at us for screaming and crying and calling out for her. To this day, as soon as anyone close to me is quiet, or upset, or I PERCEIVE them to be upset I think "well, that's the end of that relationship. They're leaving me". It doesn't even ever seem ridiculous. I just assume that at some point every person will abandon me.

 

[Sandstone]

I don't think I do. I have no fear of the close family I care about abandoning me. My friends tried hard to stay close to me, but I cut myself off.

 

[Knak]

Thats whats been striking me being here on this sight. Sooner or later in some conversation this issue c...

I learned in sociology classes while growing up that abandonment it is the greatest fear of man in general. Also, that being ostracised is the greatest pain man faces.

I learned it in school. it can't be wrong.:rolleyes: