Abortion Contributing to PTSD

[Deleted member 93]

OK, I have read and read this site. I also know the majority of this site is women. I KNOW I cannot be the only woman on this site to have this happen as the stats scream otherwise. The last few pages outline my siuation on this in my diary. But IT DOES NOT MATTER HOW you got there if this contributes... This is a very real contributor and you should address it to heal. I am having to now. I did not know this had an effect, but it does. And read the document Anthony added to my diary... Not many years ago this DID fall under critera for a cause of PTSD. It is not recognized now but is called PASS and PAS.

Hons, y'all are going to have to air this out too to heal. It hurts and is emabarrassing, but not one spot in my diary is not. But as women you need to open up and work through it. If you want to heal it has to be addressed.

I just know how tore I am about it and know I can't be alone... I went first. Y'all in that situation can follow.

 

[anthony]

Veiled, is this about existing members here, or those that might be reading the forum who suffer PTSD from abortion, though they haven't registered / haven't posted?

Are you looking for something that is not here yet? You know, it doesn't matter what others do, as that is not important to your overall healing process. What matters is what you do.

 

[Deleted member 93]

Both groups and any and all women. Just a see, here I went first and to point out it does impact PTSD greatly.

I so wish we could pick and choose what causes and adds to exsisting PTSD. That we could take that one ugly thing we do not want to face and just heal the rest and maybe we can move on, but it does not work like that. We have to deal with all our demons. The ones we're responsible for included.

 

[batgirl]

Sorry veiled, I haven't had an abortion. But I'm sure you're right in that it contributes to things. Personally I don't think abortion is wrong, I'm pro-choice, but having an abortion is traumatic regardless of your beliefs about it. I'd feel guilty and have to deal with it too I'm sure. A friend of mine had an abortion in highschool, I went to the clinic with her both days, the first day for the seaweed thing (not sure if you had that...) and then the next day for the actual procedure. It was very hard for her.

Anyways take care and I hope you've moved!?!

 

[reallydown]

Hi Veiled,

I haven't had an abortion either and can only imagine how hard it must be. I am also pro-choice and would never judge a woman for having one. I admire you for taking this step in your healing process.

 

[jade]

I was 19 when I found out I was pregnant for the first time.My boyfriend and I were young and not yet ready. So I made the decision to terminate the pregnancy. I would have loved to of had the baby but still needed to grow up. I haven't thought about it in years. Yet I can see it in my mind like it all happened yesterday. The proceduer was horrible as you were awake for the whole thing. I didn't break down until I was on the way home. I was already having regrets. To top it off my boyfriend brought me flowers that night. WTF! I threw the flowers in his face and told him just what he could do with them. I was feeling so guilty and ashamed at what I had just done and he brings me flippin flowers like I had just won a beauty contest. Its almost like having PTSD. If you haven't been there and actually gone through it yourself you cannot understand what it was actually like. I know that I made the right decision but it doesn't make it any easier to accept. Wow I can't believe I'm actually writing this. Nobody knows about this except my mom and the ex. Everyone was told that I miscarried.

 

[Deleted member 93]

I claimed miscarriage too.

See the point is not pro-life verse choice. Thing is you can have PTSD and this not effect it. But it can swing as far as the other way and cause it in itself. Women know why they go and what will happen, they just don't know they are going to come back fried from it or not until it is over. Sadly they are not informed that this is a possible outcome.

So if you are one of the women who have this as a contributor you know it, no doubt. If you don't regret your choice that is wonderful as you are not suffering from it the same as some women do. Not all women who have PTSD are going to suffer from their abortion to add to it. Some women it swings hard the other way and need to lose the shame and know that if this eats them they should come clean so they can start to heal PTSD as a whole, you have to address all that haunts you to get better.

I know I had PTSD before mine. I also know I have the mother load breakdown every Summer... Could not figure out why I was getting it so bad and it getting worse and was seemingly "recent" loss of control in these recent summers. Then it dawned on me this was it doing it. It sent my PTSD to a point of no return it felt. So this is an area I will be starting with with the new T.

There are others here I know now like this, but it is up to them to come clean, lose the shame, and start to address it like we do every other trauma we are faced with. Only one way to heal. It is pulling others out like I hoped, I just want to see them public so we can do like we always have here. Heal and not judge from are various issues. For them to understand they won't be judged. Looking around... No one judging here as usual :)

And batgirl... Being a virgin I sure as hell hope you have not had one LOL... You are too funny.

 

[sibemom]

Veiled I can post about my experience, and yes I did have an abortion. The circumstance was that of no other choice, I had to have one because if I did not I would have died. It is still hard to talk about it, and I don't care what the docs called it, because of course they did not use th A word, they called it PREGNANCY TERMINATION, to me that made no difference it was still an Abortion. I am for the most part Pro Life, but I would never judge anyone for making a very difficult choice. I don't know if it contributed to my PTSD or not it was long ago but I suppose because all traumas are dredged up and in some way have an impact on this it very well might. I hope others come forward and share their experiences.

 

[canucklady]

Couldn't have HIS child

love children. It has always been my dream to have kids. But couldnt have his child, I didnt think I could go through with pregnancyI was in very abusive relationship in every way, physical, emotional and sexual. After 6 year of ending the pregnancy, I am still devastated. It was not an easy decision, as I am also Catholic and went against all my beliefts. I just wasn't strong enough to go through with it. I havent even been able to tell my counsellor about this. I have wanted to bring it up several times, but I am ashamed, embarassed and worried what she might think of me. A friedn supported me through it all. I don't know now why it is bothering me so much. I guess it is because I guess I am getting older and chances of having children is getting slimmer. What is done is done, but can't help thinking what if......

 

[Deleted member 93]

Thank you ladies to let others know what you have done to help bring out others to address issues they need to. This is such a taboo subject and for those that have this contribute to PTSD. If it did not bother you very unlikely it would contribute to your PTSD. But some don't want to admit this aspect of their life out of shame as mentioned when it needs to be addressed to work on PTSD as a whole if it is a contributor.

This is not like Anthony said in another tread seeking out like sufferers but an awakening in me. If I am so active here, I am so open, but it took since this past July until now to open up and say this... How many who are timid not going to open up about this unless poked a bit? Acknowledge every last demon (if this is a demon for you) so you can heal?

I have been molested, brother tried to kill me by fire as a babe, I have been raped 3 times (4 if you count bro) I have been kidnapped, almost killed, abused, been the victim of a sadist for a year, out on the streets at 15... But this one I could not get out. I have now. I think I have got it all out of me now. Now I can finally heal. It was not going to happen with out the last one, abortion that eats me alive and regret, to be out. I did not see it as trauma... I was wrong. It was trauma for me. Maybe I can hope as I work I won't have as severe a breakdown this summer. Though Thanksgiving I knew why it came, but it was still a loss for me, got next year to try again right?

I just don't want women who have this contribute hide this. Work on it ladies if it eats you.

Sibemom, I can only get yours to a point... But man that had to be hard and not have a choice. We spent a while here on the board trying to figure out my kidney pains everytime I took a xanax cut. Figured it out. For me part of my ex's abuse was not only hands. But restricting where I could go and when... Including the doctor. I saw the doc once pregnant with his girl. I had a Kidney infection so bad I was in the floor and could not get up, I was not in MY floor but someone elses. He had to take me to hospital then, while before he would not let me see the doc as the pain grew over about a week? I was bleeding and they were prepping me immediately assuming tubal pregnancy... It was rush rush. But the ultra sound showed she was where she should be. My kidneys were just that bad off. Hospital stay and healed but too much stress and xanax cuts raise it and it is like a "flash back" pain. Happens like clock work with high stress and xanax being adjusted. It may be something you need to talk about just to clear your head and not have the extra baggage as that had to have been a rough spot in life.

CL, I am very pleased to see you come out. You did it and no one is judging you. Just you. We cannot do the what ifs. You know that. I do it and I know it!

Ahhh... being Catholic is wonderful at instilling guilt when it comes to our bodies. I still have times of thinking I should not have sex for the sake of sex! Considering I have sexual problems as it is this does not help! Only to concieve... shudder no thank you. For someone (me) who was not supposed to have kids after wrecking a dirtbike... I sure as hell was a producing lil' fool.

Mine was a "not his kid" thing. Thing was I shifted gears too fast and went from him to now hubby too quick. No clue which was dad. But the crazy boyfriend, all I could think was great another nut I have to deal with? My teens are almost done. I had a change of heart but it was too late they knocked me out. (I paid for that perk). Hubs insists he pressured me into it, I don't remember that. I do know he paid for it.

CL, you made the best choice you could at the time and place you were at in life. People don't do it for no reason. And chances getting slimmer? In this day and age I would not worry excessivly. Adoption, big brother and big sister organizations, foster care... So many ways you could have children in your life. Kids who were born to abuse and have a hell of a chance to grow into adults like us that you could help if children are calling you.

Important thing is this pains you and haunts you and you did the first step and got it out of you. No way to work on issues if they are bottled. Good going getting it out, I know it was hard for you. And to concieve under those circumstances... It would have been so much worse for you and your child. Don't judge you. We are not. Very big step CL, good going.

 

[Deleted member 93]

Jade and thank you for sharing. Yes, the after effects are very PTS for some like you describe. But you know what you did was best for you. Yes, hard to accept. But you sound like you are doing OK with it now. I am glad to hear that.

The flowers would have been sticking out someone's ass had it been me, I know what you mean. Mine had enough "sense" to feed valium, vicodin, and alcohol. I had to be out of it for a while. The slightest pain sent my nerves flying over the edge, I had to be physically and emotionally numbed. So pretty much knocked out for a good while except to be made to eat. I was not sent home with painkillers... Just a suck it up attitude.