Childhood Abusing My Inner Child

[purpleswirled]

I don't know who my inner child was? innocent or partly deserving? oversensitive and a self pitying stupid mess for letting such trivial abuse hurt her??? or maybe the pain i feel is justified

I do wonder wether the hate I feel for myself and the self harm began with this. this desire to punish the inner child? I suspect that I never had a sense of self to begin with? Never felt like I did have

@Brenton - I have a lot of trouble making peace with my inner child as well, l...

I destroyed photos of myself as a child. partly because I was a very vain kid and didn;t think i was pretty enough- i was told by my peers i was ugly. But also because my childhood is when i became "bad". i see a little freak in those photos to be honest. even the abuse i went through wasn't serious enough to make me deserve compassion. i overreacted to it

 

[tink32]

My T told me yesterday that I should let my inner child feel what she feels without harassing her for he...

The inner child is hard but necessary work. Unfortunately, I'm stuck between therapists to start again. It's been very tough. Even wondering if I'm willing to go down that road again. Very painful. I applaud you.

 

[Raquel]

Thank you for this post, OP.

There was a popular article on Tiny Buddha speaking about the exact same insight (not sure if I'm allowed to post links??)

I believe that inner child work is the deepest work one can do... 'Self Parenting'

When we can take care of that part of ourselves as we would our own child - protect them from the same hurts, provide them with the same nourishment and love - then this is true inner healing.

X

 

[Thinkbig]

I do wonder wether the hate I feel for myself and the self harm began with this. this desire to punish the inner child? I suspect that I never had a sense of self to begin with? Never felt like I did have

To hear it from someone else makes me wonder why I can't extend the same compassion toward myself that I feel for you. I too have struggled with self hated, self harming. I hated that child who was weak and helpless.

I found this quote...
"We experience and express anger when we are feeling small and victimized. We blow up at various anger triggers to avoid the feeling of smallness."

I think if I allow myself to feel how small and helpless I really was I will become undone. So anger toward myself and blaming myself seem easier.

Maybe if we can channel that anger toward the injustice more, it would be a huge step in healing.

 

[Stitchin]

I realized that I was victimizing myself some years ago. It was a major breakthrough! Unfortunately I still struggle to take care of little me on a daily basis. But I give myself a Mother's Day card from little me every year anyway. Lol

 

[Llith]

I am not sure I am connected enough to my little me to feel much for her. But then little me died after the house fire... I guess I need to work on connecting to her before I can feel much for her. I guess I feel sorry for her, she was very scared.

Sorry that was kinda disconnected from the thread ahaha, just all this mention of 'little me's' makes me realise how alien she feels to me.

 

[Stitchin]

makes me realise how alien she feels to me.

I know what you mean. I try to connect through simple things, like coloring books, and the occasional cupcake