Accepting This New Normal

[Mim28]

24 days ago this where the darkest days I've ever had in my life. I felt like I was going to die. For the next 2 weeks I sat immobilized in fear, willing myself to get better. It didn't work. I made an appointment with my therapist and she helped but could see that all the progress I had made over the years was stripped away. I had overburdened myself and I was physically mentally emotionally and spiritually empty. i want from emptiness to complete and immobilizing fear and then back. My body doesn't have the energy to even keep me awake most days. It's depressing and sad but this is my new normal for a while. One days physical efforts no matter how small set me back the next day. I am productive about 2 hours a day if I am lucky. But the sitting and waiting to feel better started to make me feel insane. So I do small things. Very small and if that is my accomplishment for the day, I have to take it. But it's time to really look at my life. I need more balance and less fear. I need to care for myself.

 

[Hope69]

HI Mim, I'm glad you started a diary. I also know the exact date of relapse, it was the one thing too many that pushed my body over the edge, though it was a long time coming. "I need to take care of myself" ! I relate to that big time. Progress being stripped away, also relate big time. Its like I forgot how hard I had worked, how difficult it was to get to a place of functioning well, and then I threw it away bit by bit through choices that were not good for me.
I know that we will be wiser and kinder to ourselves as we move though this. Best of luck and I'm cheering for you!