General Advice Desperately Needed Please

[Coffeechick]

Hello All,

I don't know where to go or what to do. My partner has been diagnosed with PTSD and is refusing any help.

Unfortunately he also has severe depression. This has now escalated extremely. He sleeps up to 15 hours or more a day. His appetite has gone, he is very argumentative and then apologetic. He has severe mood swings. He has completely pushed all his Friends and Family away. I am sure he is abusive to me so that I leave too!

Here is my dilemma.

He has never admitted that he was depressed or suicidal. This all changed at 5.30 am this morning. He woke me up and said that he wanted to talk ( a complete first). He explained that he knew he was depressed and that he hated himself. He said there was no hope for him and that he was going to kill himself. He even told me how.

He said it would have already happened if I had left him. He said the only reason he is still here is because of me.

Please please can someone offer some advice. He is still in bed now. He sleeps a little and then just lays there staring into space. I am worried sick and am nervous. This is way beyond anything I have ever known. I have spoken to him this afternoon about what was said early hours and he just says to leave him alone. Where do I go? What do I do?

Sorry to babble. Am frozen with fear.

 

[Almost There]

I recommend that you call the local crisis line... Most areas have them. When someone tells you they want to commit suicide and have a plan, they are at a higher risk of going through with it. I know the crisis services in our area can even send out a mobile crisis team who will come to your house/apartment to help. Good luck and remember to take care of you too.

 

[Justmehere]

I agree with Lisa. I had a roommate who killed himself due to suicide and he told us before that he would, just that xyz was keeping him from doing it... and that is way too much to put on someone. I have been suicidial myself. You can not save him, only he can do that, but you can reach out for help for yourself and that is the best thing you can do to help him. Please call the crisis line for advice too.

 

[Coffeechick]

Thank you. I thought of that and have rung them. They recommended that I take him to see the G.P tomorrow. I cannot get him out of bed let alone out of the house! I will call the Doctor first thing though and see what they have to say. Many thanks again.

 

[scout86]

I guess I have doubts about "waiting until tomorrow". As long as he's in bed, sleeping, maybe it's ok...

"Fear" is one thing, and understandable. "Frozen" is not the place to be. Got any friends, physically able to get him to an ER? You can always call an ambulance, he's given you plenty of reason to.

 

[Hope4future]

Call them again and see if they have a mobile crisis team of some sort. If they don't, then ask them if they have any suggestions if he refuses to see the doctor. Would he go with you know to an emergency room today?

I agree with the other posts. Getting help for yourself in dealing with this is helping him. Spending the day in fear for his life is asking too much of you, in my opinion. See if the crisis line can be more helpful. Is there a different line you can call? Does your GP have an on call system so you can talk to someone today who might help?

Take care.

 

[Bedbug]

I was in a similar state to your partner last year. My husband phoned our GP and he came out to our house. If that hadn't happened, my husband was going to phone an ambulance, the police, anything. Can you phone your GP now? They must have an out of hours number.

 

[Maggiemay]

*Hugs*

If you're in UK GPs/out of hours service/crisis mental heath team will come out to the house. They have in the past to me when I've been in crisis ... Soundslike hospital is safest place for him right now :(

xxx

 

[Justmehere]

I am glad you called the crisis line!

He may not be willing to go to the GP tomorrow, but hang in there. He is definitely in pain and certainly reaching out... but being ready to accept help can take awhile. It did for me. For my roommate who lost the battle... he just gave up.

It might help to google "suicide warning signs in men." If he seems relieved or gets suddenly more lighter, *without* getting help, that doesn't mean everything is ok. It *could* mean things are worse. The great thing is that he is talking about it, even if he is later shutting down, and that he is reaching out.

Even if he won't go see the GP, maybe you could make some notes on anything he is doing that might fit the warning signs, and take them to a GP and ask them for advice on what you should do and how you can respond? I'm not sure how it works in the UK (assuming that is where you are at.) They may have ideas for helping encourage him to get into treatment, and sooner than later when he will be forced into it via hospitalization. Take notes on how he is isolating, how his mood swings are, etc - these are all big warning signs and red flags. They are a part of the whole picture along with the suicidal statements. A good mental health professional or crisis line worker will take those into consideration when figuring out how to respond.

I wish he knew there is so much reason for hope! It is very possible to recovery and heal from this level of pain he is in and PTSD.

You might be in for a rough journey, and you may even need to walk away from him if he continues to be unwilling to get help... I do worry that he is being abusive to you in his pain. That isn't good for you or him. For now, I hope you keep in touch with the crisis line and with us here. Do not hesitate to reach out and connect to professional help, not only for him, but yourself as well. He if makes any more gestures or statements, please continue to take them seriously. Let him know you are there for him, and it means helping him get the help he needs so that the very normal and understandable pain he is in gets better Sometimes (most of the time?) it is really scary to reach out for help, and scary to hope, and scary to realize one has to face the pain and the trauma behind it to get better and live. It was scary for me. It helped when someone in my life "normalized" it - helped me understand it was a normal reaction to what I had been through - and showed me there was a path to feel better and recover... and that it was normal to be scared too.

Most of all, please keep reaching out to get support for yourself. It really is the best thing you can do for him.

 

[Coffeechick]

Thank you all. At the moment it is quiet. I have told him that we need help with this. Sadly it falls on deaf ears. I for one will be calling the G.P first thing because I cannot help him. He needs professional help and will only get worse without it. Once again thank you all. It really does help to vent.

 

[Bedbug]

How did you get on with your GP this morning, if you don't mind me asking? I have been worried for you both and am hoping you get the help you need.

 

[Coffeechick]

It's been a difficult week. I did get the G.P to come visit at home and he is now on Paroxetine. They have started the process for councelling and he is willing to do this. To start with he was cross with me for getting the Doctor out but then he ended up crying and saying he was glad because he could not carry on anymore. He is sleeping all day and is up all night. I have had to go to bed at a normal time. I can no longer stay up watching him. The Doctor explained how important it is for me to look after myself. Thank you for thinking of me. xxxx