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- #13
Cautious newbie
New Here
MissAntiSunshine
A massive thank you for your post/reply. It was so very informative and has helped me a great deal in getting a bit of perspective. :tup:
I totally agree with you regarding your views on emotional limitations and if he were to have kept letting me in (which he appeared to be doing until he embarrassed/made a fool of himself - his words, I never thought of him like this) then I would have gladly helped and supported him. This would have been an easy decision - a no brainer! However, he clearly wants to protect me from all of this and has decided that he's not ready for a relationship yet and that if he were to force things, then it would have a negative effect for both of us and he would never want that for me. He has asked if we can stay in touch as I am such an amazing woman and that he really, really needs to be friends with me (he repeats this 3 times throughout his letter), but that he just needs some time to sort himself out. In short, I have respected his decision and have agreed with him - that friends, for now, is best (which I honestly feel for my own well-being is the best decision), that I am looking forward to staying in touch (just to reinforce that I'm still there) and that he needs to stay strong and keep up treatment. We have had the odd text etc since, but nothing major.
Ultimately, and as you touched on, my balance and well being has to be paramount in this situation now. He's chosen to distance himself, for his reasons, and has shut me out for what he mentioned was for my own protection whilst he deals with things himself, but this doesn't change the fact that, following a very brief and intense love-affair that felt real, honest, beautiful and like it was really going somewhere special, I am now on my own - thinking about what the hell just happened!! :inpain:. However, saying that I really know what happened as I have since taken the time to learn, educate myself and understand, but it doesn't take away the loneliness and hurt I am now left with and I miss him - more than I thought possible - damn it!!!! :wtf:
I don't blame him, he's continued to communicate (even though it may have taken a couple of days to process things - he's still feeling the effects of this episode) so I know he's dealing with the impossible. The main thing for me is that I hope to God he continues to get more treatment now he realises things aren't as good as he originally thought. I'll just have to trust that he will. One thing's for sure, if he doesn't, then there isn't a hope in hell that anything can be rekindled between us unless he seeks this treatment.
So now all I can do is get on with my life, be his friend (which will enable me to have some emotional distance at least....or am I just kidding myself! :confused: ), but ultimately look after me.
MissAntiShunshine, now that we're in the 'friend zone', is there anything I can be doing? I think, well hope, that remaining friends will take the pressure off a bit and help show him I'm still there, yet protecting myself, whilst he sorts things. I still want to show him I'm not going anywhere. He doesn't have many friends that know about the issues he faces and his family live abroad (they love and support him a great deal), I just don't want him to feel all alone anymore as this won't help him recover either, I really have his best interests at heart and still want to be there for him - he's a special man and deserves kindness, understanding and warmth. I could never give him anything else.
Thanks again for your help and advice, so very kind and generous of you :)
A massive thank you for your post/reply. It was so very informative and has helped me a great deal in getting a bit of perspective. :tup:
I totally agree with you regarding your views on emotional limitations and if he were to have kept letting me in (which he appeared to be doing until he embarrassed/made a fool of himself - his words, I never thought of him like this) then I would have gladly helped and supported him. This would have been an easy decision - a no brainer! However, he clearly wants to protect me from all of this and has decided that he's not ready for a relationship yet and that if he were to force things, then it would have a negative effect for both of us and he would never want that for me. He has asked if we can stay in touch as I am such an amazing woman and that he really, really needs to be friends with me (he repeats this 3 times throughout his letter), but that he just needs some time to sort himself out. In short, I have respected his decision and have agreed with him - that friends, for now, is best (which I honestly feel for my own well-being is the best decision), that I am looking forward to staying in touch (just to reinforce that I'm still there) and that he needs to stay strong and keep up treatment. We have had the odd text etc since, but nothing major.
Ultimately, and as you touched on, my balance and well being has to be paramount in this situation now. He's chosen to distance himself, for his reasons, and has shut me out for what he mentioned was for my own protection whilst he deals with things himself, but this doesn't change the fact that, following a very brief and intense love-affair that felt real, honest, beautiful and like it was really going somewhere special, I am now on my own - thinking about what the hell just happened!! :inpain:. However, saying that I really know what happened as I have since taken the time to learn, educate myself and understand, but it doesn't take away the loneliness and hurt I am now left with and I miss him - more than I thought possible - damn it!!!! :wtf:
I don't blame him, he's continued to communicate (even though it may have taken a couple of days to process things - he's still feeling the effects of this episode) so I know he's dealing with the impossible. The main thing for me is that I hope to God he continues to get more treatment now he realises things aren't as good as he originally thought. I'll just have to trust that he will. One thing's for sure, if he doesn't, then there isn't a hope in hell that anything can be rekindled between us unless he seeks this treatment.
So now all I can do is get on with my life, be his friend (which will enable me to have some emotional distance at least....or am I just kidding myself! :confused: ), but ultimately look after me.
MissAntiShunshine, now that we're in the 'friend zone', is there anything I can be doing? I think, well hope, that remaining friends will take the pressure off a bit and help show him I'm still there, yet protecting myself, whilst he sorts things. I still want to show him I'm not going anywhere. He doesn't have many friends that know about the issues he faces and his family live abroad (they love and support him a great deal), I just don't want him to feel all alone anymore as this won't help him recover either, I really have his best interests at heart and still want to be there for him - he's a special man and deserves kindness, understanding and warmth. I could never give him anything else.
Thanks again for your help and advice, so very kind and generous of you :)
