Akathisia: what fresh hell is this?

[user44376]

First post for a few months. Hello to everyone.

I started taking Abilify in November and I’m at 4mg pd now which I know is not a significant dose. Recently I’ve been feeling very angry and agitated. After some research I discovered akathisia. I was more worried about tardive dyskenisia (sp?) so this akathisia caught me off guard.

I am agitated and restless. I want to pull my teeth out and rip my skin off. I can’t stop clenching my leg muscles and jimmy-legging. I’m so irritable and filled with terrifying rage. What the f*ck? This shit actually worked at first and now this. The only way I calm down is by punching myself in the face. I have huge bruises beside my eyes that I have to tell people I got playing hockey. I’m so tired of hitting myself. It hurts. It’s embarrassing. It makes me feel out of control and crazy. But I just get so much energy and agitation and stress built up in me I have no other outlet. Or I smoke weed. Which helps but I don’t want to become a daily burnout.

Anyone relate?

Don’t f*ck with Abilify. It’s toxic.

 

[EveHarrington]

Are you coming off of it now?

:hug:

 

[user44376]

Are you coming off of it now?

:hug:

Yeah I talked to my Dr and he agreed to stop now. Wish me luck.

 

[Neverthesame]

Good luck, hope it goes smoothly.

In the meantime, would the punching yourself still work if you put some padding between your fist and your face, such as a boxing glove?

 

[EveHarrington]

Good luck!

 

[user44376]

Good luck, hope it goes smoothly.

In the meantime, would the punching yourself still work if you...

I’ve tried but it lacks that sick pathological need for pain I also feel. And I’m not even a masochist at all. I don’t like pain. But the agitation seems to subside faster if I can hurt myself. Sad. Perhaps the pain is just a distraction?

 

[Neverthesame]

It could be a distraction, or a need for the endorphin rush physical injury causes, or both.