Am I Any Less Of A Person For Not Working?

[Philippa]

I've also had similar experiences to some of you here. My father called me a 'freeloader' when I could not even get out of bed and was afraid to leave the house in case the man who raped me would be there, like he had been a few times.

My mother told me "you just don't want to work", and the two of them basically thought I was faking it, and I got kicked out of home and told they didn't want me there, after only a few months earlier my father telling me "we want you here" after I was having suicidal impulses to walk in front of a bus.

Talk about mixed messages. They wanted me alive...so I could work of course, because having a job is the penultimate goal in life and nothing, not even brain injuries that you can't see, should get in the way of slaving away for pittance just so everyone else can approve of you.

 

[madmax]

Maybe in some sick twisted way or parents are envious of us for not working. Could it be they don't see the illness in the physical sense so they explain it away as a cop out on our part. Asking them to walk a mile in your shoes would probably be scoffed at unfortunately.

Peace to all of us who suffer and to those we make suffer along with us.:):cool:

 

[nursenurse]

Mental health issues were never at the forefront in my parents' days. I'm not so sure my Dad would have understood anyone not working if they looked physically able to. It's just too bad that in this day and age, those of you who truly need the system are made to feel ashamed. By the very people who are supposed to love you unconditionally.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

How's this for the flip side?

I had someone tell me they envied the fact that I could take time to heal!

So think of it as an advantage. You have the opportunity to heal without having to force yourself to work 40 hours a week just to survive. I'm not saying you're taking advantage of the system, rather its an opportunity to work on yourself without distraction.

 

[Philippa]

Maybe in some sick twisted way or parents are envious of us for not working.

I think this is highly likely.

They come from a generation where if you were ill, you just had to suck it up and 'soldier on'. Taking time out to heal was just unheard of in their day, and many people these days follow suit and buy into that mentality. It makes no sense though. You cannot be at your best and have more to give people in the workplace or anywhere else, until you are back on your feet. Forcing yourself to when you aren't ready is stupid.

Honoring your own wounds and healing journey feels right...but they've never let themselves do that, so of course it would bug them to see their kids or anyone else taking time out for self-care. This world is so incredibly screwed up in so many ways, because of old attitudes that won't die, and a lack of common sense.

 

[nursenurse]

I wouldn't necessarily lump all the folks in as being envious. They just don't get it. And don't have the fortitude to try to understand. It's so much easier to understand gall bladders and appendices and even diseases like cancer because they are more tangible. You treat the offending part that has been identified on xrays or by bloodwork etc. Can't do that with PTSD or other mental health issues, and for that bygone era of folks who only know that they had to work hard in the fields or in the labour force, it is something totally foreign. It doesn't make the attitudes right, for sure. With the realization that some parents out there are mean and nasty, not just ignorant.

I hope someday that everyone will look at mental health like they do other illnesses, so that it's treated properly, and not stuffed into some hat box in the closet.

 

[madmax]

I walked away from about 2.6 million when I told my father to stick it up his ass. I have zero interest in appeasing or condescending to his attitude or beliefs.

He "was" a ptsd stressor for me.

Take a stand.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

No amount of money is worth it, not if you have to sacrifice your health.

 

[madmax]

The way I figured it; if I ended up institutionalized at 49 by the time I was 75 I would end up flat broke.
This was supposed to have a funny sarcastic ring to it.

 

[Philippa]

I've given up very generous discounts to fly anywhere I want via qantas (my mother works for them) and dad's inheritance to not have those people around me making it worse. It's worth it, because mental health is everything, and it's worth more than money.

But you'd be surprised how many people, that if you told them would turn around and be shocked and try and talk you into staying just for the money. I've told supposed friends and been met with "But what about the inheritance?", and these were people I really thought would be on the level, having experienced mental health issues themselves.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I'm amazed at what people will say they will do for money. However, I have a feeling that it's all just talk. In "theory", yeah, they'd stay, suck it up, and collect the cash. But we all know it doesn't really work that way.

Really, I think that we're fortunate to know that money doesn't buy happiness. I know a lot of people never learn that lesson. And being dirt poor makes me resourceful; I can find a million ways to entertain myself with little $$$. If money bought happiness, I'd be miserable, but that's not true. Well, the PTSD brings on issues, but I'm not unhappy because I can't afford finer luxuries in life.

 

[nursenurse]

Money is the root of all evil. For those of you who had to let go of family, I am sorry, but you know your own souls better than anyone else, and it certainly is not worthwhile to live up to anyone else's expectations but your own. I wish your families were more supportive, it is so hard to do this alone.

My sufferer is somewhat estranged - does not speak to his father at all. Fortunately, he is still close to his Mom, but then she lives out of province, so maybe not physically close, that might be a good thing :) He says he loves his Dad, but just can't be anywhere around him. I understand, I just wish it could be different for him too.