Am I the only one who was gaslighted?

[Evie loves Sam]

I was gaslighted for 15 years. Yes, I am using the correct term. Psychiatrist called it gaslighting. I have been assessed by 15 psychiatrists and have clinical PTSD. Nothing else.

I want to know if others have been gaslighted and how they cope? What belief structures did it cause and how did they overcome?

My reality distorted for 15 years. I'm angry, hurt, worried, lost, tearful, anxious. Trying to just survive each day on my own.

No therapy available for 2 years waiting list. By that time, how much mire samage will there be?

 

[Movingforward10]

I was gaslighted by my parents as a child. And by the people who abused me. And by my parents as an adult. And by a sibling.

Growing up with parents who change reality to suit themselves has massive impact on me. I have to continuously reassess my exerpeinces. I see it as picking the fleas off me.
For example: my mother would do something abusive towards me. I would be distressed. She would do the thing whilst laughing. She would say it was funny. And to this day she thinks these stories are funny.
So I grew up and thought that these were funny but how consuming when I know I felt bad and it didn't feel funny. But it's funny. That the fact I am told.

So, I have had to relearn my truth. And it's later after layer of discovering that.

and how they cope?

I didn't know any different because I was a child, but I think I coped by not becoming a person, no feeling, not expressing feelings, being consumed and isolated. Switched off. I created my own different version of reality.

What belief structures did it cause and how did they overcome?

I believed I was bad. I was wrong. A lot of self hate and self blame and self abandonment.
How did I overcome? Work in progress but accepting my truth, being aware, being able to speak up for myself, and understanding myself and my values and who I am.

 

[Evie loves Sam]

I was gaslighted by my parents as a child. And by the people who abused me. And by my parents as an adult. And by a sibling.

Growing up with parents who change reality to suit themselves has massive impact on me. I have to continuously reassess my exerpeinces. I see it as picking the fleas off me.
For example: my mother would do something abusive towards me. I would be distressed. She would do the thing whilst laughing. She would say it was funny. And to this day she thinks these stories are funny.
So I grew up and thought that these were funny but how consuming when I know I felt bad and it didn't feel funny. But it's funny. That the fact I am told.

So, I have had to relearn my truth. And it's later after layer of discovering that.


I didn't know any different because I was a child, but I think I coped by not becoming a person, no feeling, not expressing feelings, being consumed and isolated. Switched off. I created my own different version of reality.

I believed I was bad. I was wrong. A lot of self hate and self blame and self abandonment.
How did I overcome? Work in progress but accepting my truth, being aware, being able to speak up for myself, and understanding myself and my values and who I am.

Thank you for sharing you story and thoughts.

My ex gaslighted me. He said I 'self diagnosed PTSD' and instead had delusional diagnosis. I thought I had been diagnosed delusional disordered. He made out I had multiple personalities. He would drag me into psych offices whenever I raised complaint about his and his family's behaviour towards me. Found out 2023 that I was never diagnosed with anything except PTSD, and anxiety and depression. I had severe sleep deprivision and flashbacks that caused me hypervigilent issues.

Now I go over, and over this. I lost agency, confidence, independance. I was always accused, blamed, criticised and shamed.

I have behaviours I struggle with. Like leaving the house, trusting people, I react to domineering behaviour instantly with anxiety. I speak up, but not allowed to speak up in england or I get abused again and again. And, I react.

I don't as cut off from the world, got litle joy out of anything, unless it was with my chikd. That was my only joy, she was my only joy, light and meaning.

I fluctuate between believing the gaslighting and knowing the truth. I second guess myself. Quadripple takes on everything. Even checking I locked the front door - triple check.

 

[NotOkay]

My dad was very emotionally abusive for all my childhood. He is abusive to my mum, but now both of them deny it all. It hurts. I have to deal with the mental health issues because of his abuse and no one acknowledges it. It’s not easy but I keep telling myself they gaslight because it is probably too painful for them to realise how they have affected me. And regardless of what they may say, it did happen! As far as healing goes I am definitely ‘work in progress’. Past trauma sucks!

 

[In the weeds]

I was in an abusive marriage for 25 yrs. (I couldn't leave because one of our children required 24/7 care.)
If I said "I think .." he'd tell me that wasn't what I was thinking at all and tell ME what I was thinking. I don't know how I did survive all the kinds of abuse he did, but I lived for my kids and had other people that saw what was going on tell me I wasn't crazy.

There were some circumstances that happened that really woke me up and I walked away 12 yrs ago.

I did not see his face or hear his voice for 9 yrs. Then I realized I wasn't afraid of him anymore and could be around him, like at my daughter's birthday party.

He has since told me that he was sorry and believes he was part of the cause that I have so many problems. Unbelievable.

 

[Rose White]

@In the weeds that’s amazing that you overcame your fear of being around him and he apologized. Something like that happened for me today with my ex-husband. It’s so fresh still— idk how to write about it in my diary yet.

 

[Freemartin]

In my FOO gaslighting mainly revolved around my feelings and experiences being faulty and my parents being perfect. I was this whiny, ridiculously clingy and scared child although they were the perfect parents that poured love and security over me. They laughed at me whenever I was sad or scared, and instead of comforting me they told me my emotions were wrong.

So, ofc I grew up thinking that although I had these amazing parents (they never ceased to tell me how much effort they put into being there for me - and in hindsight, it was way below average), I still managed to be a really lousy child. I thought I maybe could never move out and start my own adult life, because I needed them so much. (For what? Getting ridiculed when I needed something and not getting what I needed?). For the longest time, I thought of myself as a sorry excuse for a human, whereas my parents were awesome.

Yeah. After years and years of therapy, I really don’t see it that way anymore. But man, it’s hard to break that mindf*ck!

 

[Lost in the Woods]

I was probably in childhood but definitely during my marriage. I didn’t really get the connection to my marriage with my ptsd. I thought it was all my childhood stuff. My doc made a comment about my marriage being part of the causation and then in therapy the therapist started talking about narcissistic abuse about a month ago. I started reading about it and it really stirred things up. I am just beginning to understand the ramifications.

 

[arfie]

i was gaslighted from birth, both literally and figuratively. the literal gaslighting was in child pornography. the term, "gaslighting" was coined in the theater arts in the day when stages were lit with gas lights. in the lighting technology of the 60's, when i did my child porn tour, there was still considerable problems with shadows, etc., of literal gaslighting. child pornography makes heavy use of the figurative techniques, as well. i hold my starring role as, "shirley temple in a g-string" as psych gaslighting, personified. then there are the family/cultural dynamics which set the stage for this travesty.

perhaps my most effective therapy for this massive psycho snot knot has been recognizing how easily i gaslight myself. the dynamics of gaslighting are complex, indeed. personally, i credit self-gaslighting which creates the conflicts police encounter when collecting witness accounts. 6 witnesses, 6 versions of the event.

wish i had easy answers for both of us, evie. for now, it is what it is whether i understand it or knot.

 

[Evie loves Sam]

I was probably in childhood but definitely during my marriage. I didn’t really get the connection to my marriage with my ptsd. I thought it was all my childhood stuff. My doc made a comment about my marriage being part of the causation and then in therapy the therapist started talking about narcissistic abuse about a month ago. I started reading about it and it really stirred things up. I am just beginning to understand the ramifications.

What are the ramifcations of it?

I have no agency, no confidence, no sense of self worth. And, PTSD of course.

 

[Evie loves Sam]

perhaps my most effective therapy for this massive psycho snot knot has been recognizing how easily i gaslight myself. the dynamics of gaslighting are complex, indeed. personally, i credit self-gaslighting which creates the conflicts police encounter when collecting witness accounts. 6 witnesses, 6 versions of the event.

wish i had easy answers for both of us, evie. for now, it is what it is whether i understand it or knot.

Thank you for sharing your story, I'm sorry for what you've been through.

How do we stop self gaslighting?

 

[Movingforward10]

How do we stop self gaslighting?

It's so so hard. Firstly, it's realising you do it. And there are layers to that. Working out what 'feels' like gaslighting. It's trying to work out that self connection.
Self gaslighting, I think, is a form of self abandonment. We have a feeling in response to something and then our thoughts tell us how that feeling is wrong. We abandon ourselves as a result. And hold all this emotional inner turmoil because the truth remains repressed inside.

What's helped me as actually asking a trusted person. So think week I realised something from the past. But decided that I am making it up. Then I asked my sister if it happened or was I imagining it. And she told me yes it happened and I wasn't imagining it. It helped to have that outside view. And it was annoying that I still gas light myself and doubt myself when I knew and should trust my instincts. But it's so hard to trust yourself when you've lied (gaslit) yourself for so long.