Am I The Only One...

[lostforgottensoul]

My money is solidly here.

Ok, i can see that. I can see this mom dying thing is already making my 'cup overflow' hugely by itself (not sure that id classify it as stress, seems such a small word for whats not small at all). I guess what i still dont get is why the posts would be stress to add to my cup. Or rather is it just that it is already overflowing hugely so theres not quite room for empathy, and helping others at the moment? Just wanting to understand whats going on is all.

If you're resisting taking your meds, eating, sleeping, going for a run, and other good for you things? You're prolly not as rational as you think you are.

True that! I got that it wasnt real rational which is why i posted about it. My rational side of my brain is like "WTF is up with you dumbass?"

SHALT. Stressed, Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. Okay. Sort those 5 things out before going nuclear. Check.

If its not being checked in order, that could work as HALTS...but that makes sense. Wonder where pain mangement is in that cuz i got that too. Ok, so its stress...but i guess that leaves me with im not handling it well, which i already knew as i had written that im coming unglued and thats about how it feels.
So i guess that leaves me with the loaded likely unanswerable question of how do i manage this better. Im not even sure there is an answer to that. Maybe with time i'll get better at managing it until she dies and then i know, when she does die, another storm will come at a whole new much bigger level but i think, with time, i could organize things a bit to start to handle it better. Just i dont have that time.

Im sorry for all the rambling.

 

[Just Sayin']

YMMV - You know what they say about advice ...

I think of it as though everyone's "bad" is the same level bad. Our brains inflate the bad to fill up the room regardless of the actual quality of the bad. In that sense, if someone has a toothache and that's their worst problem, it's every bit as big to them as my PTSD is to me.

The brain's placticity is an advantage when confronting a big problem, but the downside is that the biggest problem, whatever it is, is always the same size for the person dealing with it.

If big and traumatic, breaking the brain placticity (a la PTSD), we end up here. But maybe what you're seeing is the downside of a placticity that allows for "big" and without it trauma wouldn't be necessary to cause PTSD.

It might be (probably is) total crap. But it's positive, it breeds compassion and gratitude and it gets me through the day.

 

[joeylittle]

The idea of the stress cup is that you and your life stressors are over-full; so anything that impacts you has the ability to seriously cause overflow.

Why do other people's problems impact you? In your case, I'd hypothesize that it's a byproduct of borderline.

Extreme difficulty with emotional regulation is a hallmark of that disorder. Also, instability in personal relationships, usually manifest by an intense push-pull; need for validation/reassurance vs need to have it 'proven' that no-one can be counted on to really be there (abandonment, which was a cause of the disorder in the first place).

So: you fight within yourself - do you deserve help? Or were the rest of them right all along, that you don't deserve anything but suffering. And then you see others asking for help with problems that are not the same as yours - so, they are getting help. Do they deserve help? More than you deserve help? Yes! No! Confusing...angry.

I remember reading once that the fundamental challenge for the borderline personality is that they cooperated with their own marginalization for so long, but they also knew it wasn't right or fair. Cooperating was a way to survive, to cope. But it was painful. And so, the struggle is to understand how they are not the least significant element in a situation - but nor do they need to fight tooth and claw to be the most significant element. With a lot of cognitive retraining, they can understand that they are allowed to be the center of their existence, but they don't need to compete with anyone else - they can be fully confident and still be one of many voices.

Something like that.

The summary of all that psychobabble: other people's problems are scary to you, because you only know how to compare them to your own, and in your more symptomatic times, you will believe that only one or the other - you or them - can be 'allowed'.

And, you know it's not logical, but it is hard to fight against the strong pull of the emotional reasoning.

I'm offering these thoughts purely as support, and hope you take them that way. Borderline all by itself is tough; put it with PTSD and it's a real whirlpool, with lots of stuff to manage.

So - the more you can be extra-kind to yourself when stress is high, and turn down the volume on non-essential interactions, the better you will feel.

And that's true for everyone: it's just the BPD that makes it much more challenging.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

I'm offering these thoughts purely as support, and hope you take them that way.

Oh of course and that makes a absoltute ton of sense to me.

I think I compare, unconsciencly as I had no idea I really compared that much and sometimes I think it can serve as learning that because Jane Doe's past was bad and it has elements of my own in it then its possible my past could be bad too as my therapist makes me admit that its possible to be bad but I think it is more often then not the way you stated. Still unconsciencly but i can see it for sure.

Borderline all by itself is tough; put it with PTSD and it's a real whirlpool, with lots of stuff to manage.

Indeed. And the timing sucked, badly. The day that im trying to settle my fear of terrorists hitting Pulse (or so i feared anyway) and talking here helped to get me to that sadness point, past the fear and just trying to manage everything about that...and then i got "the call" and its like someone pushed me into the worst whirlpool of emotions ever. I already struggle to manage, and learning how to manage, day to day stuff. I try to apply what ive managed to learn from DBT...and it doesnt work. I figure its because i havent learned how to manage that level of emotions yet. I dont know. But it not working is adding to frustration and anger/rage...and even self hatred because i cant seem to manage it, I must not have learned anything etc etc etc.

So - the more you can be extra-kind to yourself when stress is high, and turn down the volume on non-essential interactions, the better you will feel.

Def trying. Was off the site most if the day yesterday & ended up in an explosion anyway. Not living alone is stress on its own. But if i lived alone right now, I fear that id go down and buy a shit ton of duster. Just a fear but not sure i could fight it if i lived alone. Its easy to fight because i dont. But the stress of not living alone is insane. Ugh! If i could hide in a closet that would be better/easier. Thank god i have a job thats fully distracting! That helps a lot.

It might be (probably is) total crap.

Nah ;)

But it's positive, it breeds compassion and gratitude and it gets me through the day.

Yes it is. And i do "get" that everyone's "junk" is just as big to them as my issues are to me...it doesnt have anything really to do with that. And you are right, that creates compassion and i am compassionate and i do have a lot of empathy for people no matter whats going on. Thats why i dont get this fully though JL i think did a great job of explaining it. It has to do with my "cup" being full:
https://www.myptsd.com/threads/the-ptsd-cup-explanation.13737/#post-173960

Or i say already overfilling as it is, i dont have room for anything and unconsciencly compare my trauma without realizing it adds to the cup.