An inability to cry.

[fly away home]

I can totally relate. I have just been through four years of no crying. I thought perhaps my past had gone and I was getting better at first. Then I realised I couldn't cry even if I wanted to, I tried, would feel the tight throat, etc but as soon as the tears almost appeared somehow it would just get cut off and stop very suddenly.

Recently though (last week) I drove all on my own, on a quiet dirt road the anniversary of my trauma and in the car I sobbed and howled, tears streaming down my face and it felt so damned good. The tears have not returns since with such power but I have cried once more since then. I just want to let you know that it does come back and it is incredibly intense and relieving. I hope it isn't long before you can get out what is inside of you. It will come when its ready.

 

[shell]

I have only cried once in therapy during an EMDR session, but have now learnt to cry by myself. It took nearly a year, but even now at times it gets stuck and I can't express those emotions.

I have a habit of holding my breath, and stuffing down those emotions that allow me to get the tears and emotion out.

Breathing properly enables the emotions to come out.

I had to give myself permission to cry, because I was taught that crying would punished from a very early age. I had to convince myself it was safe not just to feel again, but to express emotions. Still afraid of showing that emotion in front of someone else though.

 

[maddog]

Currently I am swinging wildly between complete emotional vacancy, including a total inability to cry, and absolute inconsolable distress that is so intense that I almost pass out after a while from its physical drain. It's horrible. I don't think there's anything healthy about either extreme, and there's nothing in between.
Maddog

 

[Ally]

@Kas_Can_Fly I can relate. I used to have an addiction problem. When I got sober, I no longer had alcohol to help me stuff my feelings. So, when I first got sober, I cried a lot. However, after a couple years of sobriety, I shut down emotionally. I got numb. I no longer cried. This went on for years. I used to do the same thing you described - the crying without the tears - the lump in the throat, the shaking of the shoulders - sobbing, really, but without tears. Therefore, no relief or release. I used to talk to my counselor about it. It really bothered me. I didn't feel human. She told me that the tears would come. She was right. Over the past year (it's been a difficult one) I have cried almost every day. Sad tears, joyous tears, and angry tears. It will come. :)

For me, I had to allow myself to feel. I had shut down my emotions and had been numb for so long, I forgot how to feel. I prayed a lot, talked about it, wrote about it. When the time was right - when I felt safe enough - the tears came.

This is just my experience. That's all I know how to share. I am not saying what caused my dry eyes is what is causing yours. However, I do know that you will cry again - when the time is right for you. :)

I used to watch sad TV shows or movies. I would shed a couple tears. It helped a little.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

sad TV shows or movies.

Ironically I am more likely to tear up over happiness or moments of love/gratitude. Disney flicks are more likely to make me cry than Titanic etc, etc. Thanks for your post :)

 

[Jacksmum]

Hi there - I really need some help. I have been on anti depressants for 10 years now I have had some bad things happen to me in my past and I thought I had dealt with them. im currently at the darkest place I've ever been, trying to paint a smile on for my young kids and partner but I am swamped and the suicidal thoughts are beginning to emerge. I cant cry, I have tried and I feel like I really want to but it just wont come. Can anyone help me?

 

[joeylittle]

@jacksmum, there are very few anti-depressants that are understood to be effective for any longer than 5-7 years. Do you work with a psychiatrist? I'm not saying 'drop your medication', but a big thing I'm hearing in your description sounds like the slow creep of medication failure.

Not that there aren't possible other things too, just it's important to look at the whole medical picture.

 

[Chava]

I've been unable to cry for most of my life. I remember sitting at a loved one's funeral, feeling like I was breaking apart. My whole body hurt so badly. I had to say in my head, "maybe I need to cry"...then it all let loose and I was the only one sobbing at the funeral because everyone else had already cried. But all the pain was relieved.

For the most part, I've feared that if I could start crying I would never end. The sadness would be overwhelming.

If you can be patient and let your body work on its own timing, tears will come when the pressure is less and safety feels okay. Does hugging a stuffed animal help? I won't cry if I don't feel safe with it.

Also, you just started work with your new therapist, right? I've never cried in therapy except for with my recent therapist, but that was after many weeks or months. And looking back, slow-going has been exactly what I needed. But maybe it will happen sooner for you, just try to let it be where it is. If the tension is bad, can you trying crying-like things like exhaling deeply? Crying probably is connected to the parasympathetic nervous system (calming), so even something similar might have a partial effect and also allow your body to feel that it is okay. I don't cry like I assume other people cry. My body stays very still, I don't make a sound, but the tears come in a big stream...maybe just a couple seconds but it's a good cry in my own way. You'll get there. Be kind to yourself.

 

[JamieFace]

I feel like a sulky child saying this, (please note that my disagreement with you is not personal in...

My crying is letting up, but the sadness is as heavy as ever. I feel your pain. When it gets bad, lock yourself in the house or in your car and SCREAM. Primal Scream. Scream at no one and everyone and everything that ever was and will be--all alone. GET THE TOXINS OUT. Blessings to you.

 

[NewBeginnings]

I can relate with Kas_can_fly and others on so many levels. For me it has been 3 years and not 1 tear. I hate myself for not being in a space to be able to cry. My T put it mildly and said I was a bit numb and when I was ok being vulnerable that I would probably cry -we meet weekly and I have made tremendous progress surrounding past traumas. I am encouraged to be good to myself even though it is really hard. I woke up last night at 3 am with the feeling that I was going to cry and I thought I should be careful what I wish for - I was ready but no tears came.

Deep down I am so afraid to show anyone who I really am that I probably have not been able to find the space to allow myself to be vulnerable and cry. Funny -married, 3 amazing kids, stable job, well liked and considered one of the happiest people around and petrified to share the REAL me. Recognizing this about myself has been huge so I need to trust the process that I will continue to grow and someday be able to cry. Maybe something in this will resonate with you too.

 

[Tobehonest]

thank you for sharing! I haven't been able to cry about my real issues for years. I cry at hallmark commercials and when someone is mad at me or I think they are... but not a drop in connection the abuses and other trauma from my childhood. I sometimes can hear crying and wailing coming from the inside of me... but nothing comes of that stuffed emotion. I know that disassociation has been my go to defence and so it makes sense that I don't cry. I feel almost as though the ability to cry over it all will move me in to the next step of healing. But the tap is dry.

 

[suzannedamage]

I feel like a sulky child saying this, (please note that my disagreement with you is not personal in...

Fully understand, searching for the same answers here, if I find anything I'll get back to you, have you found anything helpful yet? All I have worked out so far is that it is a severe emotional blockage probably from early childhood which is why it's so difficult to reach. search out there for healers/counsellors, when you hear the right words from the right person hopefully the blockages will be broken through. For now when the pressure is building unable to be released I try to find something beautiful to focus on, doesn't help the not crying issue but does alleviate the pressure. Big love x