Anger/ disassociate/ new emotion.

[RoadtoHappy]

Can I ask for some advise please.

I was diagnosed with PTSD a year ago due from my main trauma 15 years ago. I have worked very hard in and out of therapy and it has taken me a long time to get to where I am.

I have experienced many emotions but recently I have discovered anger. We discussed forgiveness in therapy and typical me (takes days for things to sink in) however the next day I woke up with such anger that grew all day. I had such a rage in me. I tend to disassociate a lot but am trying to stay with it and allow my body to feel it. Very hard.



I emailed my T and we spoke about it in therapy aswell. She said it’s good the anger is here so we can work on it but it was almost gone during session. After about 2 days the anger went away. But has come back sporadically.



My question is how do you deal with the anger? Is it normal to finally discover and feel this powerful emotion and then for it to go away and the. Come back? Is this how it happens. I don’t know what to expect and am nervous for when it comes back, I’m afraid I’ll lose control and or can’t handle it.

 

[EveHarrington]

I wouldn’t fight it as if you fight it you may just end up dissociating it away and that’s not good.

Allow yourself to feel the anger. Anger cannot hurt you. Anger is a valid feeling that deserves to be felt. Anger is an emotion.....the only “bad” thing that can happen is when you use the emotion to influence your behavior. The goal is to sit with anger and experience it without acting out in negative ways, ie being abusive to others, damaging yourself/others/property, etc.

I think it would be a good idea to explore ways to release anger. Many people exercise. Some scream into a pillow to get a feeling of release. I personally find anger to be a great catalyst for change.

 

[Survivor3]

Can I ask for some advise please.

I was diagnosed with PTSD a year ago due from my main trauma 15 years ago. I have worked very hard in and out of therapy and it has taken me a long time to get to where I am.

I have experienced many emotions but recently I have discovered anger. We discussed forgiveness in therapy and typical me (takes days for things to sink in) however the next day I woke up with such anger that grew all day. I had such a rage in me. I tend to disassociate a lot but am trying to stay with it and allow my body to feel it. Very hard.



I emailed my T and we spoke about it in therapy aswell. She said it’s good the anger is here so we can work on it but it was almost gone during session. After about 2 days the anger went away. But has come back sporadically.



My question is how do you deal with the anger? Is it normal to finally discover and feel this powerful emotion and then for it to go away and the. Come back? Is this how it happens. I don’t know what to expect and am nervous for when it comes back, I’m afraid I’ll lose control and or can’t handle it.

I think eve gave some really good advice. It's natural to get angry so try and use that energy and channel it to do something in your life that will benefit you so there is a positive outcome. The anger will then dissapate and subside. Good luck! ?

 

[Abstract]

Eve gave you really good advice. Yes have had the experience with anger. Didnt feel anger for a long time actually. Realised afterwards I acted it out on myself. That's where it went.

In my own personal experience and from what I have read it is usually related to fearing anger or having difficulties dealing with it. It helped me a lot to look at the functions anger serves. The difference between anger (healthy) and unhealthily acted out anger. I also realised it wasn't only anger that I could sometimes feel and sometimes not. Do you think you feel it more when you feel safer in some way to feel it?

I was very prone to be open to forgiveness at the beginning. I then read that so called forgiving when one has never really experienced the true messy emotions just keeps us stuck and stops healing. Tru forgiveness can only come if we aren't just deflecting those feelings somewhere else. For me that was at me. I think for some it can be randomly expressing rage at random people.

Diarising my emotions religiously and linking them to experiences of the day or reliving made a huge difference to me. It changed my life. Took years of hard work doing this every day as was extremely disconnected but it was such a good investment of time and effort.

 

[RoadtoHappy]

Thank you all so much for your responses. Really helps to hear others experiences. I have decided to challenge my anger towards being productive. I feel like I have woken up and have alot more energy and certainty in myself. The anger is giving me strength and drive. I am alive. I have suffered a lot of body pain for many years, getting so many tests done and now I realize its all connected to my trauma. The pain was my body remembering what I was fighting to not remember. I never once connected it to my Trauma. I have one final piece of humiliation that I need to discuss with my T to finally try let it go. Forgiveness is not an option right now and I don't want it to be, I want to allow myself to feel the anger and accept it, forgiveness is not a gift I am willing to give to such cruelty. I am so excited for therapy next week to speak with my T, I hope I still feel this positive :) Thank you so much for you messages and I am sending you all back so much strength and support.

 

[grit]

RoadtoHappy,
Welcome to anger world!

We fear anger is because it is one of the most visible emotions as a baby or a small child and the easiest one for a parent or another person to punish us for and then it goes underground. You were angry before . Every single human has been angry or happy or whatever you just did not show it. Maybe you dissociated from it but still you were angry...your body experienced anger. Trust me there is no way you can live more than a month and not experience anger. just look the face of hungry baby! anger is there..give me my milk/breast or what it is laughable but even babies show anger. So anger is ancient feeling.

What is scaring you know is that you think others can see it and it is outside of your body because you are learning how to express it normally.

No one can see your anger just like no one can see we are horny or sad or menacing. If they see it, we want them to see so we show it.Anger is no different.

My advise to you is this: the anger you have is not from the present situations so keep that in mind. It is past anger being released from the body. you can feel it and see where it is in your body and just watch/observe and enjoy the feeling because it shows you have vitality to feel it in order to be alive!

the forgiveness part, I will steer from that because I did not see its connection to anger.

when you feel anger and hold it, you are expanding your capacity to enjoy that happiness coming around the corner.

 

[Reflections]

My question is how do you deal with the anger? Is it normal to finally discover and feel this powerful emotion and then for it to go away and the. Come back? Is this how it happens. I don’t know what to expect and am nervous for when it comes back, I’m afraid I’ll lose control and or can’t handle it.

I think if we've ignored or blocked out feelings of anger, it's normal for it to come back built up as rage. It's my experience when I refuse to listen or too dissociated to feel my feelings they just scream louder to be taken seriously. Feelings naturally ebb and flow. So anger coming and going is normal. One of the things I've learned about emotions is that they will pass. I don't find rage will calm down until you deal with it.

Blocking out, shaming, ignoring my anger lead to a lot of dissociated rage (not a technical term, just my words). It helped me to acknowledge how anger is good, sets boundaries, keeps me safe, and prevents abuse. It's also been helpful to figure out what my anger needed. Like needing to resolve a conflict or needing to give myself empathy because the anger is coming from a place of hurt. Personally I realized sometimes I get angry if my relational needs don't get met. It's odd because I wasn't like this before? But I calm down when I meet my needs.

I'm still dealing with my own rage/anger. I keep shutting down though in therapy. You aren't alone :)

 

[RoadtoHappy]

Hi All,

Just an update since my last post and thank you all so much for your responses.

I am doing very well and have embraced this new emotion. It has given me a new motivation and sense of life. It is becoming my driving force in beating my symptoms and getting in control of my emotions. Its hard obviously to be optimistic everyday when some days its a powerful and painful emotion and its easy to be positive on my good days. My husband came to session with me last week, which was great, and my T discussed how she has been waiting for the anger since she first met me and that it is a huge step in my progress and she is very happy that we can now work on it. Its crazy how this one emotion has changed my feelings and view of things so much and I am really motivated by it to get better. I have such a great focus now on self compassion and self care.. I know its a long road still but all the therapy and hard hard work is starting to work for me and I am so grateful.

Again, thank you all so mcuh for your responses and sending you all strength and support.