RussellSue
Not Active
I very carefully presented a boundary to my sister today after much deliberation and blowing off steam in here and to my husband ahead of time. I believe my communication with her was more than considerate, sensitive, and reasonable.
She responded by rolling out a series of she thought, she wishes, as adults, we could support, but are just hurting each others, and she tried but she thinks we should end the relationship.
Again.
How many rounds is this?? I don’t rightly know. This one lasted approximately 23 months, lacked name-calling, and seemed to be going alright. I had hope.
The biggest problem I have and have had this entire round is that I feel guilty about her guilt. I feel guilty even though she has very little notion of what trauma I actually suffered due to her violence as a teen. I feel guilty even though I have done everything I know how to do to support her and be understanding of her position. I feel too guilty to tell her when something hurts, or at least I did.
I told her my feelings were hurt over something she said, a couple of days ago, and told her that there was a time period I should no longer discuss, today - the time period when the violence took place. No insults, no nasty words. I talked it out ahead of time. I prayed. I really tried. But it wasn’t enough.
Ultimately, I said alright. It’s done.
To be honest, I was a little surprised she would do this with all of her tearful apologies and promises a couple of years ago but with less than a year of treatment for cPTSD and GAD under her belt, I imagine things with me get too real for her. She’s also got her damaged relationships with her kids ahead of ours.
I do not feel guilt over trying to take care of myself. I know I wasn't wrong. That's progress.
I am hurt and I am angry. I am sad and I feel betrayed. She is my only sister and I thought we had a strong enough relationship that I could take care of myself in it at 40 years old but I am still not allowed, no matter how careful I am.
She responded by rolling out a series of she thought, she wishes, as adults, we could support, but are just hurting each others, and she tried but she thinks we should end the relationship.
Again.
How many rounds is this?? I don’t rightly know. This one lasted approximately 23 months, lacked name-calling, and seemed to be going alright. I had hope.
The biggest problem I have and have had this entire round is that I feel guilty about her guilt. I feel guilty even though she has very little notion of what trauma I actually suffered due to her violence as a teen. I feel guilty even though I have done everything I know how to do to support her and be understanding of her position. I feel too guilty to tell her when something hurts, or at least I did.
I told her my feelings were hurt over something she said, a couple of days ago, and told her that there was a time period I should no longer discuss, today - the time period when the violence took place. No insults, no nasty words. I talked it out ahead of time. I prayed. I really tried. But it wasn’t enough.
Ultimately, I said alright. It’s done.
To be honest, I was a little surprised she would do this with all of her tearful apologies and promises a couple of years ago but with less than a year of treatment for cPTSD and GAD under her belt, I imagine things with me get too real for her. She’s also got her damaged relationships with her kids ahead of ours.
I do not feel guilt over trying to take care of myself. I know I wasn't wrong. That's progress.
I am hurt and I am angry. I am sad and I feel betrayed. She is my only sister and I thought we had a strong enough relationship that I could take care of myself in it at 40 years old but I am still not allowed, no matter how careful I am.
Last edited: