Anxiety And Breathing

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

My anxiety has been up for the last 5 days. It started on Sunday while at a kids' birthday party. I started having trouble breathing, yet there was no known trigger of anxiety so I thought I was actually having trouble breathing, maybe due to the heat.

Monday I had a body memory (that I don't remember) and during that had an extremely hard time breathing. MY therapist told me that I kept saying that, but I was indeed breathing.

Tuesday and Wednesday the feeling like I was having trouble breathing continued. Yesterday I thought I was having asthma attacks or dying. Yet, I also knew that my anxiety is really high because of the emergence of this memory.

Today the breathing issues continued. I had another therapy session and had similar body memories. I have a part that takes on emotions when they are too much and she ended up going to the bathroom and throwing up. She later experienced the same breathing trouble as last week. When I "came back", I explained to my therapist how it feels. She told me that I was breathing just fine and that she could see the anxiety.

Even though no part has stated what the memory is, my therapist and I have both come to the same conclusion. I even paired what she has described of the body memory with an auditory memory that I had a few weeks ago (it did not make any sense to me at the time). My therapist and I have both not mentioned out loud what the specific memory is. Maybe that would help. Actually stating it. I want to do something to make my anxiety lower and to stop feeling like I can't breathe.

 

[Mystery]

Hi, nice to meet you JEK, my first thought when I read your first paragraph was that just being at the kids birthday party would have caused you to feel/connect with something. The party itself if a very symbolic trigger for all sorts of things, it would have to be. Maybe you could explore what a kids party means to you, experiences related to being happy at birthdays. Was it a girls or a boys party? Was everyone having a good time? Just a suggestion.

I'm interested to hear anything you feel like sharing about the therapy you are doing. It sounds like sensori-motor type therapy. I'm new to the concept of having to get some kind of therapy for this and looking into all the options before I go laying myself bare before a so called professional. I would rather hear peoples feed back on therapy and how it has worked for them before I go blindly trusting someone to poke around inside me.

I hope you get some answers and that your anxiety wave settles. Hugs to you. ((()))

 

[Chava]

I hope it gets pieced together for you. I struggle with breathing too sometimes....helps to focus on the exhale, let it all out, and just let the inhale happen on its own. Sometimes it helps to cover my mouth and sense oxygen support, or exhale like through a tube...or through hissing. Not sure if any of that sounds helpful to you, but hang in there...I know that can be stressful.

 

[ButterflyBean]

I think it is a good idea for you to discuss the actual memory with your therapist! Acknowledging it will be the first step in being able to move past it.

If you don't mind me asking, what did your therapist do when you kept saying you couldn't breathe? Did she help you ground yourself, that is, did you leave the session in a good place, or did you still feel out of control? I ask because if you weren't in the best place possible for you when the session ended, it could quite possibly have a very strong impact on why you're still feeling so anxious right now! I do hope you're able to find relief soon and get some rest; you deserve it! Take care of yourself!

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

Maybe you could explore what a kids party means to you, experiences related to being happy at birthdays. Was it a girls or a boys party? Was everyone having a good time? Just a suggestion.

There were a couple of things at the party that could have triggered anxiety, but I am positive it was related to the memory that started coming out on Monday. However, you ask good questions about the party. It was actually for a brother and sister who have birthdays close together so it was a combined party (I do that with my boys, too, at least for now while they're young). There was a bounce house there and my husband wanted me to go in (it was rated for adults to use as well as kids and plenty of adults went in with their their kids). As a kid, I went in one and fell and I couldn't get up. It was really crowded and people bounced on me. I came out sobbing. But at the party last Sunday, when I told that to my husband it was just matter-of-fact. I knew I couldn't go in it, but as long as I knew that I didn't have to I was fine. When talking with our friend that was hosting the party we talked about the possibility to have more kids and though I am quite happy with 2 kids and do not want more it is a hard topic because of the difficulty of the second child's birth. So the birthday party wasn't stress-free, but I don't think it would have caused this amount of anxiety.

I'm interested to hear anything you feel like sharing about the therapy you are doing. It sounds like sensori-motor type therapy. I'm new to the concept of having to get some kind of therapy for this and looking into all the options before I go laying myself bare before a so called professional. I would rather hear peoples feed back on therapy and how it has worked for them before I go blindly trusting someone to poke around inside me.

Hmm, I don't think my therapy fits into any category actually. Mostly I guess it would fit into the talk therapy/CBT camp, but she also believes in somatic therapy. Basically whatever she has experience with and we think will work, we try. It's pretty scattered right now. I have DID which is why I don't remember the memory stuff that is coming out- it wasn't "me" that was feeling it. It's so weird. We were talking about intimacy on Monday and the part with the memory came out which eventually led to the feeling like it was happening all over again. Does that help? For me it wasn't about choosing a type of therapy, but just getting someone to guide me through this. My therapist is so different than anything I imagined, but it seems to be a good fit for me.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

If you don't mind me asking, what did your therapist do when you kept saying you couldn't breathe? Did she help you ground yourself, that is, did you leave the session in a good place, or did you still feel out of control?

When I felt like I couldn't breathe, she told me that she could see that I was breathing. I was struggling to ward off another bout of the body memory so she also reminded me that I was safe and it wasn't happening now. She also offered me her hand to hold so that I would know I wasn't alone. Eventually all of that helped calm me.

Since it was the end of the session, she did help make sure I was in a stable enough place before we left. I was freezing and dizzy. I struggle to "remain me" when I leave and I did rather well this time, but I ended up switching. My appointment is almost always the last of the day so my therapist walks me out and makes sure I am safe to drive because the part that gets me out of the building and to the car cannot drive. I don't remember getting in my car and driving home yesterday, so that definitely could be playing a part as well.

I wish I could talk about it with my therapist today. I think it would help. I am not sure if I could, but I feel like it needs to be said out loud or I won't be able to fully work through it.

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I am becoming overwhelmed by the feeling of not being able to breathe again. I keep thinking something is seriously wrong like I'm having an asthma attack, but I am at the same time sure it's still the anxiety. I have never had this kind of anxiety for so long and it's torturing me. I don't know what to do to make it stop.

 

[ButterflyBean]

I'm sorry you are struggling so much! I know the feeling of being out of control; it has happened to me many times. One thing to notice and remember, is that you were able to type this, and reach out for help, so you are breathing, and you are safe and okay for now!

It is hard to believe when our therapist tells us that the anxiety can only last for so long, but it is true. It will peak and then eventually dissipate. Try to regulate your breathing to a steady beat; breathe in for the count of four and breathe out for the count of eight. Do you have antianxiety meds to take on an as needed basis? If so, I think this would be one of the times it's okay to take it. That said, if it is really bothering you to the point of an inability to function, I would contact your therapist and tell her about this prolonged state. From reading your posts, it sounds like she can help you when different parts emerge themselves together, so it's likely she can help you get through this until you see her next. It might be a wise to get checked out by your GP for reassurance purposes! I hope you feel better soon; feel free to private message me if you would like to talk!

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

Thank you so much for responding @HollyBeans27 . I e-mailed my therapist- I am afraid of dialing the phone (this is probably the one place I feel comfortable actually admitting that). She hasn't e-mailed back yet. If I am this bad later, I will have my husband call her. I do not have anti-anxiety meds, as those terrify me into panic at the mere thought of actually taking something. Though I have to admit it almost sounds good right about now. I don't have a GP that I trust- the one I have doesn't take anxiety seriously, so I have to find a new one. But that involves calling and well, it takes me a few months to gear up for that. Thanks for your support. Right now I am trying to entertain in-laws and obviously not doing a great job as I am in a room alone with my computer.