Anxiety Is So Irrational

[Mosaic]

My anxiety is terrible but I've been adamant to refuse medication, I hate the idea of shutting off my emotions, even the bad ones.
It's a daily battle, however I have a very supportive boyfriend. I write my apple password in his phone and make sure he knows it's there incase I'm ever kidnapped so he can track my phone, it's a genuine fear I have.
I'm home on my own at the moment and, as I do every day, I'm filled with thinking I hear noises downstairs and imagining someone breaking in and hurting me. So I've locked the door and left the key in.
I've never been kidnapped but I've been in situations where I've been physically or emotionally trapped, I think that's what brings on the constant intrusive thoughts of someone hurting me and me being unable to get help but it's annoying how much I get them.
Sometimes I get so scared of nothing and everything that it brings me to tears, not often, but it has happened.
What irrational anxieties do you guys have and how do you handle them? And am I being more harmful than helpful by refusing medication?

 

[Changing4Best]

I get anxiety sometimes too, but lately I have been asking Jesus to take it away and He does. I am so grateful. I pray He can take yours away too.

 

[Friday]

Irrational ones? Whaddya mean irrational ones?!? All my anxieties are rational!!! ;)

LOL. Okay. Probably not.

The biggest one, honestly, is being recognized.

I've changed my appearance I don't even know how many times. I don't like spotlight, limelight, or any kind of publicity. I despise having my picture taken. I've used professional names to keep my personal name (and therefore easy access to my family) unaffiliated with my work. I like being invisible, unimportant, boring. A ghost. Don't notice me.

ETA... Once in a very very long while someone will accuse me of attention grabbing in some form or another. This tells me a whole lot about them, and universally makes the few people who know me well wet their pants laughing. I suspect it's normal to want attention, adoration, credit, etc. (aka I'm weird) judging by how many people chase after fame, renown, even social media followers. The idea the 'everyone wants their story told' or 'to be heard'. I don't. I think that's fine... Without the icy hot anxiety, and extreme measures taken to avoid it. I'm not shy, snort, not by a long shot! But once I start to become known anywhere? It's extremely challenging not to pull a disappearing act. Being known leaves me feeling very, very exposed. It's probably part of the reason I married a man who could never know, much less understand me. For real, extreme measures taken to avoid notice. It's something I'm working on.

 

[TonyG]

I got to the point where I could no longer live with anxiety, I chose medication over ending my life, I know that sounds dramatic but it was that bad. The side effects of the medication are nothing compared to extreme anxiety.

 

[Friday]

Medication... By the by... Can be a huge blessing.

Especially if I've gone ages without the break I'll get extremely anxious about taking an anti anxiety med.

I've found, however, that it's universally good for me to have a break from my own mind from time to time. The clarity "simply" relaxing brings is indescribable. Most of the time I can impose a break on myself by lesser methods: exercise, sleep, friends, sex, a movie, a massage... Whatever. But when those methods aren't working? When I'm a constant ball of stress? I don't. even. notice. anymore. Because, yep, I've gotten irrational in my entire life. Until I impose a break on myself chemically.

I'll often go years without needing meds of any kind. But when my PTSD is getting bad? And those methods aren't working? The smartest thing I can do is to grab a moment of clarity, and remember what I'm working towards. Even when things are bad/bad I rarely need chemical help more than once or twice a month. I'm used to the constant anxiety, the daily panic attacks, the nightmares, and all that. What meds do for me when things get bad? Remind me of who I really am. Who I'm working towards being again, without them.

There have been times where I do take them daily, and without that, I'd be dead. But most of the time I simply need the break, and the reminder, and that's more than enough.

Meds aren't like once you start taking them, you have to take them forever. You're in the drivers seat on medication, always. What you take, when you take, how much and how often. The only caveat is that some meds require ramping up slowly, and tapering off slowly. Not all. And some are addictive, so one needs to be careful. But even in those cases? It's just choosing to be smart about it. Like driving on the correct side of the road. Personally, I prefer short/immediately acting meds, in part because I like the added control that brings. I'm not patient. But that's a whole nother level of "You are in control"... In choosing whether you prefer slow gradual change, or 'whoomph!' (Me) & whether you prefer a safety net when things go sideways (me) or a steady hand and support. It's all about choice. Not the lack of choice.

 

[Changing4Best]

I have anti-anxiety meds for when I need to sleep. They carry over into my waking hours too, enough to keep the anxiety bearable. I pray a lot too, which really helps.

 

[holdenmonty]

I don't know how your able to live with it. I'm on two different anti-depressants and that is because I was so tired of the anxiety and everything else. I was/am in therapy and it felt like it only got me to a point but was still a ways to go and I am doing a lot better with the meds. The side effects do suck but for me were only temporary really until my body got use to them. I still have all my emotions it is just easier to manage them. Also if you have a good doctor they will start you off on a really small dose to get your body use to it and have as little side effects as possible and slowly build up to what dossage works best for you.

 

[Go Hungry]

I also decided that meds were better than death. My life was non-stop chaos before them.. Well, after them too... but not nearly as bad. I can walk around now, without screaming at the sky (literally). And they have made life much more bearable. Granted, I'm in the middle of a panic attack right now at work, but I can't leave because I already took the morning off and that pissed off my boss bad enough in itself. If I leave now, I would be in a world of shit. If I can just make it 20 more minutes it will be quitting time and then I can sleep this off.

Dar.. on a tangent again...

My irrational anxieties are multitudinous... Usually they are around whether or not I'm going to be fired, or be kicked out of my apartment, or something like that. Lifestyle things.. I don't really worry about break-ins because I have multiple locks on the doors and a 30ft drop from my window. But my thing is just going outside in general. Being seen. I hate it when people can see me, know I'm there. I kinda wish I had a super-lurking power or something. But I am being irrational right now as I type this. God, can the clock move any slower?! What the hell is wrong with it? :mad: