Anxiety over talking to counselor tomorrow.

Dayum good start.

I actually walked out on a T the moment I found out he was in theatre with me. Avoidance? Is a helluva thing. Haven’t thought about that, in years. It is KNEE JERK strong. You don’t even realize you’re doing it, until it’s done.

Having just come back to myself in the parking lot a couple/few times, now?

Walking back in ain’t a bad thing. Embarrassment passes.
 
Somehow talking to another stranger seems worse than talking to my current one. We met for business but had no personal relationship or repoire. I don't even remember if we ever actually spoke. And ya the need to get away is very compelling. Mentally, emotionally and physically.
 
Remember that in the long run you are the one who controls the conversation.
Talk, don't talk, share, don't share. It's ok. Are you going thru the VA?

It took my t almost a year of talking about general stress management and how to deal with my anxiety and fibro and such before I trusted her enough to start blathering on about my military days.

Won't lie, the emotional part is a bitch and I still struggle with it so I have to always think in baby steps. Any emotion is enough to be a success, especially at the beginning, even if it's only a minute or two.

I wouldn't worry a whole lot about the conspiracy thing right now. Gotta get you ok with you and your past before tackling thoughts on if the government sucks. That part can wait.
 
Remember that in the long run you are the one who controls the conversation.
Talk, don't talk, share, don't share. It's ok. Are you going thru the VA?

It took my t almost a year of talking about general stress management and how to deal with my anxiety and fibro and such before I trusted her enough to start blathering on about my military days.

Won't lie, the emotional part is a bitch and I still struggle with it so I have to always think in baby steps. Any emotion is enough to be a success, especially at the beginning, even if it's only a minute or two.

I wouldn't worry a whole lot about the conspiracy thing right now. Gotta get you ok with you and your past before tackling thoughts on if the government sucks. That part can wait.
I am going thru the va but it takes forever. I dont have a choice on the government stuff because they are currently trying to throw me in jail for not giving my ex money.
 
I'm just mad at everything for the past couple days. They want to hold me in contempt. I've been shutdown for so long. I didn't even bother renewing my drivers license last year, maybe it was the year before. I dont talk to nobody or go anywhere.. And now I have to worry about money that I dont have to give to my ex who has done some pretty heinous shit to me over the years. Afraid to tell people about it because I was born a man and muh patriarchy treats men like utter dog shit. Explain that to me. I am terrified I'm going to explode on the judge and do something I can't take back and then I get to go to rape prison. Because thats what we do here.
 
So couple thoughts.

Many court systems have a Vet Court program designed specifically for us. They don't seem to advertise it as much as they should, so it might be worth looking into. Should just be a call to the courthouse to ask

Have you tried a Vet Center? They get paid by the VA but they aren't the VA, if that makes sense. I haven't used them yet, mostly because I lucked out with my t, but I've heard they are amazing. And since they aren't the VA everything is just easier there. Should be one in each city.

You can also get a VSO (veteran service officers) who is trained to help navigate the disability and VA system, which is a huge, huge thing. Info on them would be thru the VA, Vet Center, American Legion, or the VFW. They basically kept me sane while I was going thru my claim cluster. They can also help with housing and maybe lawyers? Not sure on that, but they have a ton of info.

Also, if your wait for therapy is longer than 30 days you have the right to ask for community care ---which means the VA will pay a therapist in your town so you don't have to wait.

I know it's a lot of info all at once - but I figured I'd list it all now and then you can come back to it when you are ready
 
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