Anxiety over talking to counselor tomorrow.

True that.

He’s been a delight. So unique to himself. He taught me math… could be beautiful. When he was just a toddler. He’s been his own person, since day 1.

Fun as hell.
Its good that he has you. Growing up without a mom messed me up almost as much as growing up with the mom I did have. Teach him about all the good things and bad that women contribute. It took me a long time to figure this out on my own. When you see women as something to be protected it makes you really vulnerable to interrelationship and systemic abuse.
 
I really don't want to talk to him tomorrow. I think its because I'm avoiding dealing with my life and afraid of the emotions. Any advice.
FEAR (_____) Everything and Run) or Face Everything And Recover (FEAR). The only way the nightmares, triggers, and flashbacks stopped, completely stopped is therapy and emdr. Sending hugs and courage to you to face everything and recover.
 
internet is a powerful tool
Yes it is. It is also a source of conspiracy theories. The general gist is, "we have the truth and everyone else doesn't/are sheeple/don't understand/need to wake up".

Pardon me for assuming, but anxiety and even paranoia often wants to be confirmed, unless you make a conscious effort to try and correct it and/or shift focus. Politics is just a game, essentially. Unless you are in actual immediate physical danger? You are safe.
 
Yes it is. It is also a source of conspiracy theories. The general gist is, "we have the truth and everyone else doesn't/are sheeple/don't understand/need to wake up".

Pardon me for assuming, but anxiety and even paranoia often wants to be confirmed, unless you make a conscious effort to try and correct it and/or shift focus. Politics is just a game, essentially. Unless you are in actual immediate physical danger? You are safe.
What happens when your "conspiracy theories" start being reported on by mainstream media? Are they "conspiracy theorists" too. I've never considered myself a conspiracy theorist. I hear things from both sides and look for the source. I used to listen to npr more than anything until Diane reames retired and her replacement started talking about how white people gave up their souls to be on the top of the socioeconomic ladder. NPR is government funded. What then? I don't have all the answers. What I do have is alot of questions which lead to court documents and official records.
 
Sorry, but its always the same thing. People call me a conspiracy theorist. Wait 2-5 years and imagine my surprise when It turns out I'm right usually. I am smart, I've been tested but I'm not conjuring some crystal ball to tell the future. I just pay attention to things that interest me.
 
I've never considered myself a conspiracy theorist
I didn't say you were. I will not go into talking about American politics, as I'm not American.
Just pointing out that fixation on politics *may* not be the best option, if you are already struggling with anxiety.
 
I didn't say you were. I will not go into talking about American poltics, as I'm not American.
Just pointing out that fixation on politics *may* not be the best option, if you are already struggling with anxiety.
This is good advice. I stopped following politics about a month ago. I clearly cannot handle it.
 
I didn't say you were. I will not go into talking about American politics, as I'm not American.
Just pointing out that fixation on politics *may* not be the best option, if you are already struggling with anxiety.
Maybe it would be better if i was a conspiracy theorist. My step dad is a Qanon and he is 100% committed that the good guys are in control. Shadow government nonsense. Its infuriating but he seems content with it.
 
This is good advice. I stopped following politics about a month ago. I clearly cannot handle it.
My personal rule is that I can keep current IF AND ONLY IF I don’t care.

When I’m doing well? That’s easy. The things I DO care about I involve myself with, in the ways I feel relevant doing so (usually working for NGOs, I’m a very …tactile… person). The things I don’t care about are not unimportant, I “just” have a sense of scale? The first BIG thing that happened that I did not involve myself in was the Thailand Tsunami. 14 minutes into it, and I’m on the phone with 2 different companies… and staring at the Thomas the Tank Engine tracks in my living room. I am, I was, a rescue swimmer. Then my kid woke up. So I’m sitting there, at the computer, my kid in one arm & the phone in the other. Even back then? When I still loved my husband? I knew I couldn’t leave him with our child. So I hung the phone up. And turned off the computer. And cried. Because I CARED. Deeply. Profoundly. I’ve worked a lot of gigs that weren’t “my” thing, but a tidal wave? EXACTLY my thing. But my kid was more important to me. And I didn’t have anyone I trusted to leave him with.

That was the very first time the whole “scale” thing came into play.

Before that? Something was on? I went. I cared? I did something about it.

It was NOT an easy thing, walking away from something I cared about.

But it was a good thing.

And it’s how I live my life, now.

There will ALWAYS be something to care about, something to be done. Turning off the computer, hanging up the phone, putting on my own o2 mask, first? Doesn’t change that. And when I’m doing better? I can turn them all back on, and keep current, and prioritize without wrecking myself. But if I’m wrecking myself over something I cannot do anything about? That’s just crazy. In a bad way. I’m okay being crazy, as long as it’s mostly in a good way. The news will still be there once I’m back to being me, instead of a hot mess. And then? I can actually DO something about what I care about. Win win.
 
My personal rule is that I can keep current IF AND ONLY IF I don’t care.

When I’m doing well? That’s easy. The things I DO care about I involve myself with, in the ways I feel relevant doing so (usually working for NGOs, I’m a very …tactile… person). The things I don’t care about are not unimportant, I “just” have a sense of scale? The first BIG thing that happened that I did not involve myself in was the Thailand Tsunami. 14 minutes into it, and I’m on the phone with 2 different companies… and staring at the Thomas the Tank Engine tracks in my living room. I am, I was, a rescue swimmer. Then my kid woke up. So I’m sitting there, at the computer, my kid in one arm & the phone in the other. Even back then? When I still loved my husband? I knew I couldn’t leave him with our child. So I hung the phone up. And turned off the computer. And cried. Because I CARED. Deeply. Profoundly. I’ve worked a lot of gigs that weren’t “my” thing, but a tidal wave? EXACTLY my thing. But my kid was more important to me. And I didn’t have anyone I trusted to leave him with.

That was the very first time the whole “scale” thing came into play.

Before that? Something was on? I went. I cared? I did something about it.

It was NOT an easy thing, walking away from something I cared about.

But it was a good thing.

And it’s how I live my life, now.

There will ALWAYS be something to care about, something to be done. Turning off the computer, hanging up the phone, putting on my own o2 mask, first? Doesn’t change that. And when I’m doing better? I can turn them all back on, and keep current, and prioritize without wrecking myself. But if I’m wrecking myself over something I cannot do anything about? That’s just crazy. In a bad way. I’m okay being crazy, as long as it’s mostly in a good way. The news will still be there once I’m back to being me, instead of a hot mess. And then? I can actually DO something about what I care about. Win win.
I agree I have to give this up to get back to whats important. But I'm still left with the baggage and having to trust my government in order to get help. Thank you for the context.
 
having to trust my government in order to get help
I honestly laughed about this. In a very rueful kind of way.

Don’t try and do the impossible, man. Unless it’s reeeeally f*cking fun.

Trust INDIVIDUALS any ginormous group may put into your path you choose, but bureaucrazy is bureaucrazy. It’s something to stubborn out, or espionage through, or ole boys network if you got it. Ain’t something to trust. Just make use of, and check how many fingers you got left after shaking hands with.
 
I honestly laughed about this. In a very rueful kind of way.

Don’t try and do the impossible, man. Unless it’s reeeeally f*cking fun.

Trust INDIVIDUALS any ginormous group may put into your path you choose, but bureaucrazy is bureaucrazy. It’s something to stubborn out, or espionage through, or ole boys network if you got it. Ain’t something to trust. Just make use of, and check how many fingers you got left after shaking hands with.
My counselor was actually in iraq with me and we met a couple times in theatre. I guess i can start there. He is also a sufferer.
 
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