Anxious About Upcoming Talk With Sister

[chant2012]

Kind of nervous. Talked to my sister a bit about my past (childhood/adolescence) on the phone. Wanted to ask her questions about my early childhood and her childhood. She is 12 years older than me and lived at home until I was like 7 maybe? But I can't be sure because it's all really fuzzy.....

We were not really supposed to talk to each other about this stuff. She was mom's and I was dad's. And now she is here and I'm going to my parents' house for dinner with them and her. But before dinner she and I are going for a drive and to talk. I don't know what to say. But I need answers. Oh my god what the heck..... I don't know what I can and cannot tell her. I don't want to poison her against our parents. I don't know what to say. I don't even know if what happened was abuse. I am so nervous. She has severe mental health issues too and I don't know..... I just need answers. Feel like something is amiss. Going a bit insane inside.

 

[moshpitmunkey]

Hey there, I dont know if you've talked to your sister already or not but I really hope that things went well. If you haven't I would say try and pin point exactly what it is you are looking for from her so that the conversation can be focused, and maybe just start with one question or statement or topic and see how she reacts or responds and then going slowly from there. And try to be understanding of her emotions or reactions as well. I dont know if this helped or not but I wish you the best of luck I know how scary it can be to talk to your siblings about this kind of thing

 

[Deleted member 33052]

Yup, what mosh said. Chant, if she has mental health issues, there's a pretty good chance she won't be surprised by anything you say.

Did you talk to her? How did it go.

 

[chant2012]

Thanks for the support.

 

[chant2012]

Hey there, I dont know if you've talked to your sister already or not but I really hope that thin...

Yup, what mosh said. Chant, if she has mental health issues, there's a pretty good chance she won...

Thanks both of you. Yes we talked. Been too exhausted to post about it. Anyway it went well but I think I freaked her out and now she is scared of my dad but I told her she need not worry. He is only interested in me like that (an emotionally incestuous and very inappropriate way, possibly sexually abusive and there was even painful "torture games"). I know this because, well I do. I'm special. No one can be what I am to him. I know that sounds horrible but it's true. He's told me. I'm his love.

She told me things they did to her. I feel bad though because she's 38 and still 100% under their influence and control. I no longer take their shit at all. Not like I used to anyway. It depends which me I am. Anyway, she also 100% blind since birth and oh my god she has had it so bad. Worse in some ways probably. I feel bad for feeling hurt. I had it so good. I am so weak.

I'm sorry. I will have to come back to this.

 

[Deleted member 33052]

Thanks both of you. we talked. Been too exhausted to post about it. Anyway it went well but I thi...

Hon, just because someone has it worse doesn't mean you had it good. Honour your feelings. They speak your truth.

 

[EveHarrington]

:hug:

Do you mean she's still reliant on them for support due to her blindness?

 

[moshpitmunkey]

Yeah don't invalidate your trauma and pain. You have suffered a lot it seems from what you have disclosed here and just because your sister has suffered too it in different ways it doesn't diminish what you went through. Like @MalContent said, honor your feelings. Do what you need to do to heal.

 

[chant2012]

Thanks you guys. In some ways I had it worse. I guess it doesn't really matter who had it worse. Idk.

Yes she has no say over her life. She isn't her own gaurdian, she has no say. Someone else calls all the shots. She lives in a home with other people. They (parents) never taught us how to do things ourself. Like they bathed us until we were older. Especially her. She doesn't know how to do anything b herself. They have made her completely reliant on them. They tried with me too but I no longer am under their control. They guilt me a lot for this. Idc. See they did this to both of us. But hers is worse cuz she's blind. Idk. Thanks you all b

 

[Deleted member 33052]

My heart aches for both of you. :hug:

 

[BuckarooBanzai]

I'm sorry to hear you are both in such pain.

Please don't discount your own pain in the perception that she 'has it worse'. It's bad enough you are in pain; you can validate your pain even if you know people who had it 'worse'. (Who defines 'worse', anyhow?)

Ben

 

[City Slicker]

My heart feels so heavy for you and your sister. I hear how horrible it was for both of you and I am feeling such compassion for you and your sis. I hope your relationship will be able to grow and offer you some comfort and support.