Any Practical Suggestions? Work, Exhaustion, Spontaneous Si, At The End Of My Rope

[Abstract]

I still feel happy, but I have to confess I bumped into someone I know (not that well), had a brief conversation this morning, and have felt badly ever since. She was- yikes, what's the word- a bit hostile. I believe it is due to her own circumstances, I'm aware of something that happened in the summer, but I've felt badly ever since we spoke. Not sure entirely 'why', except I didn't know what to say, and I felt badly thinking of how it might *seem* from her perspective. But also, it unearthed I guess my own doubt, that I am foolish to feel this much at peace or to have some 'hope'. That the rug will be pulled out soon. That it's a ~mirage. Some feeling that eats away at me.

Then, this woman today, her suffering (that I'm aware of), all started with her getting fired at work last summer. I feel so afraid.

Those are entirely logical of course Junebug! :inlove: Totally understandable.

Just going back to what you said before and the start of this and thought it might be worthwhile looking at how you got from there to this other place. It seems this woman was hostile and that you believe she had a total personality change and the hostility was because of her being made redundant. ? I may have that wrong but think that seems to be what you have said. So I just thought it might be interesting to see if work or lack of it symbolised anything other than those usual things. But I am probably off track!

The important thing is that you are feeling a bit better.:hug:

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear Abstract, well she worked in one of the same places I did, but a different Company. Let go for alleged charges of theft. Don't know her well enough, a bit 'tougher' crowd so to speak than mine, but I'm inclined to think the allegations were false. She says they were. That day, her response, after asking me about work, well she was angry and said she didn't believe me (my response to her). She was more like ready for a nervous breakdown (actinng). Not working in same field any more.

But you are right, some of my fears come from the unknown combined with higher risk, less resources and past experiences. It's something you understand when you're there. Like, in my job there is the danger of working alone and no way to entirely protect yourself, and very hard to fight an allegation. My family member, there is an increased risk of injury or death when drinking. Even a natural disaster, I look back and 19 1/2 years later there is still some damage to fix. As a child, too, it was hard to see my dad almost 'kick the bucket' so many times early, hard to miss when he turned the colour of a mustard bottle during stress (sometimes). Etc.

However, I think also it is a train of thought that gets the best of me. My fears may lead me to what could be more catastropophies. The potential is there, or always possible. It's hard to reduce the stress. But, there I am, never thinking something 'good' could happen that's unimagined, either.

I think we all have crosses, it's just not an absolute 'given' that absolutely every bad thing that could happen, will. To stop thinking it also and recognize my own cognitive distortions, or ptsd-exascerbated ones. Feeling better is also more accurate for me, in so far as being thankful for what I do have, what , (or hopefully by what seems like a Miracle never will) has not occurred, hopefully that things *will* be ok. To be thankful for or embrace or enjoy those now, not worry about what hasn't occurred at *this* moment. Or (and) at some level to trust what ever happens, God will help me/ us make it through, and hopefully we will be spared some things. And also to be vulnerable, change my thinking, be thankful for what I have (immense, in some ways, and not common). Be happy without fear, safe without a stress-fall-out.

Hey.. 2 sleeps and some Big Guy's coming to eat lots of cookies. :) (Hope he doesn't need a glass of milk because I think it's off... ptsd memory, :rolleyes: :p ).

BIG BIG HUGS :inlove: , :hug: .

Of course, there's always the feeling of not belonging, because you don't!

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Junebug, mabe the feeling of belonging is like courage. To be full of courage is to be full of fear and yet going forward anyway.

Mabe the feeling of belonging is like that. We do not feel like we belong when we do. I hope this makes sense. I always thought wrongly that when we felt courage, we would feel it. I have so much to learn. But I welcome the truth because it keeps it real. Anything to escape the distortions of the past. So much faultly thinking on my part. I hope this makes sense. Hugs.

 

[Sailorgal]

<<<Junebug>>>

Sounds like you are in a washer...

Having been in several layoffs and fired for reporting the director for HR (Human Resources), I can attest to living in the unknown before PTSD. It is challenging for work since I moved around a lot. There is a natural and healthy level to worry.

My concern is your added fear due to past and PTSD affects your emotional and physical health. It is important not just to strengthen yourself to not worry so much and tear down fears, but strengthen yourself that no matter what, you WILL and CAN go on. Like the Gloria Gaynor song,"I will survive." It may not look pretty and life may be tough, but you will go on.

Gizmo gave a beautiful statement. Courage is going in the midst of fear. No fear requires no courage. Going to battle no matter the odds is what courage is. So daily, go to battle for your mind - because that is what you are really doing. We all are. :)

 

[Tinyflame]

((((((Sailorgal)))))), (((((((Gizmo)))))))), xox.

 

[Tinyflame]

Thank you Sailorgal, yes, that is the ideal. :hug: , xox.

Thanks also Gizmo. In this case, well it's family and stuff, Christmas always is, really not my place. Being alone amidst a myriad of groups of families or couples only draws attention -it's more isolating- when I wouldn't otherwise barely notice. It's not 'home', for those without.

(((((((Big Hugs Gizmo))))), xox.

 

[BloomInWinter]

((((((Junebug))))))

 

[Tinyflame]

Love your new pic Bloom, Big Hugs (((((( :inlove: )))))))).

 

[Tinyflame]

Ya, awful to say but Christmas is gruesome. Guess it's ok to say that, ~"acknowledge your feelings and all that".

On a side note, fortunately I'm a better actress, as all the people stuck with me at work say it's so nice to have someone so cheerful. The usefulness of masks, lol.

Off the subject, anyone hear the silly I Want a Hippopatamus For Christmas song? Yikes, I stopped at a horse, could have used that for 'negotiation' :laugh: .

Love to All, hope you have time to rest, love, joy, peace, good treats, no matter what side of the pond you are on. :inlove: :) :hug: XOXOX. XOXOX.

 

[Tinyflame]

OMG, do I have to hurry, almost late for work and don't know why I'm typing this.

Except maybe someone has the answer to this question:

They say to include 'feelings' as facts, how does one know, with the inherent problems of 'feelings' and ptsd? How do you know, is it right to go, or yourself just 'feeling' through ptsd-colored glasses, so to speak?

And also, is 'numbness' a 'feeling'?

I feel ugly inside and out. I feel disgusted with myself. I don't feel deserving of 'normal' things people take for granted. I feel apthetic towards what was important to me. I feel in some ways, nothing. I feel regret. I feel perhaps this is just knowledge, timing, not ptsd, maybe.

Or is it just ptsd?

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Junebug, ptsd is a liar. You are worthy. You deserve good. It is the old tapes re abusing you. Just my two cents. Hugs.

 

[Abstract]

Hi Junebug,
Sorry you feel those things. :(:inlove:

I am going to take what you asked literally and answer! :)

I don't think its a matter of thinking that because we feel it is so then it is. I think that would be very problematic at the best of times let alone with PTSD. But what is absolutely true is that we have a right to our feelings. That they are legitimate and are not "wrong" in a sense of them being judged wrong. There is a big difference between the two. There is an enormous difference between thoughts and feelings. If you go over what you posted there it might help you to separate thoughts from feelings. And then what often happens is there are little cycles if feelings that are fuelled by thoughts. So maybe another way to put it is that feelings are never wrong but thoughts are often distorted because of the past. Or often are old tapes of what has been said to us by others as Gizmo said.

There is always good reason for feelings. We are human and with PTSD dealing with real confusion with them because of the past and the way it intrudes on the present.

So if you go back to that link that I posted they play through quite a good example of how to break these things down. A lot of these feelings come as a result of cognitive distortions that are patterns we have because of ways we have been treated in the past. I hope that makes some sense.

Something like mindfulness where we accept feelings without judging them doesn't mean not looking at these other things at some point but rather is about getting through the moment by not adding thoughts and judgments to what we are already feeling.

Cascading thoughts are when you start with one emotion and then judge it and it leads to a thought which leads to a feeling and another thought and usually a judgement, and so it goes on. That way you can start off with a simple feeling of sadness and then end up with shame, anger, guilt, humiliation etc etc and all because of your thoughts. You can also end up with thoughts about how worthless you are. etc.

And I think numbness is a feeling in a way. It is the absence of feeling or the dissociation and disconnection from feeling. Hope that all makes some sense.

xxx