Any Tips On How To Handle New Parts?

[PTSDbegone]

I have no idea how to go about explaining this, but I know others who have been there will understand (hopefully).

In my recent therapy sessions my therapist has been saying something is shifting. While in a dissociative state I have been talking more. She believes it's very young parts of myself that are finally feeling more comfortable with her, and are emerging. I am freaking out a little about this because I feel as though I have no control. I don't want to continue with therapy if this is how it's going to be. I want to know what I am saying to her. I can't bring myself to ask her when I come out of the dissociative state. Anytime she starts to explain it in more detail to me I zone out again. I feel so crazy, and just don't understand how I can say something to her and have no recollection of it, or have control over it.

Did that make sense to anyone?

 

[I'm not Spiderman]

*Disclaimer - all views are my personal and from my non-medical standpoint*

My therapist actively constantly worked on "keeping me grounded" in sessions, taught me techniques to "ground myself" outside the therapy when I felt it "taking me back", and always tried to keep me from "going over my head" when dealing with trauma - so I could look back and address it but not dissociate. She was always highly concerned about dissociation.
Dissociation can be terrifying, freaking, and most importantly like you say, you feel like you are not in control. And that is the truth - when you dissociate you are not in control -I'm sure lots of people on here will agree with me on that.
I really believe therapy is all about regaining control, and from what you've said, it sounds like your therapist is not encouraging you to deal with your trauma in a controlled environment, or to be present when addressing your issues.
Before my new therapist - I had an unhelpful one (one example - I disclosed something which was distressing me and she laughed at me.) and I left as soon as I could before moving on to making meaningful progress with another.
I'm really sorry you're experiencing this.
Hope this helps.

 

[anonymous]

I get dissociative and don't remember what I say in therapy, and my therapist will tell me later, but it FREAKS me out. It feels so vulnerable and so very out of control. She suggested that I tape my sessions. Put my phone on voice record, and listen to it later, so that I could know what I was saying for myself, and hear how she responded to me. I think this might trigger the heck out of some people to do, and sometimes, it has triggered a dissociative state for me to happen again. However, it helped me in HUGE ways too and kept me from quitting therapy.

 

[anonymous]

I like the suggestions given by members above.

Certainly therapists have different trainings on helping people 'integrate'. I think your therapist should share their philosophy with you, and also work with your desire to have a locus of control, by knowing what is going on.

If your therapist isn't comfortable with this, (T may think it wouldn't be helpful at this point) as suggested above by other members, work on techniques to stay associated, record the sessions, and instruct the therapist to start playing in integrative role, by sharing what is going on, bit by bit, to the degree you can stay associated,while she tells you.

About my actions to help staying associated: I notice my signs: I start to not comprehend what is being said to me, or I feel my abdomenal and/or pelvic muscles tighten, or I notice I have a change in my breathing-My breathing slows down, or gets speeded up.

At the moment I notice, I speak out loud, to help myself be concur that and to help my therapist know what is going on.
I say something like, "Please stop, for a minute," to my therapist. Then, aloud, I say, "I am feeling uncomfortable and so I am going to stand, and walk around the room, and touch a few objects, while I describe them ( uses various senses to help associate).

When comfortable, I will sit down, and ask my T to go the speed tha I can stay associated. It becomes my job to stop my T if I an not comfortable, and do my association activity ( as I just described). It becomes my therapt's job to help me stay associated, by communicating to me in a manner ( slow, kind,) that helps "all of me" stay in the room.

Not all therapists have this kind of patience.Some therapists, due to their own need to have "their own inner locus of control', (due to their trauma or personality), can't work at their client's speed.

 

[The Albatross]

I seem to remember another member at one time benefiting from taped sessions... Bloom? (Bloom in Winter???) I think it's on her diary.

I did not have others though I too would have benefited from taped sessions had they been offered I would have took it.

 

[Seasounds]

Other tools I use to help start association are to 'bring my attention' to noticing my heart beat, my chest rising and falling, to notice colors and smells in the room, and to have the courage to say, "Wait", to my therapist.

This gives me the time to associate to my body, which gives me a feeling.

Then, I verbalize my feeling: "I feel frightened", or "My muscles are tightening which tells me that I am not comfortable with what you said."

Hopefully, the therapist is mature enough to slow down and work at my speed.

 

[shimmerz]

She believes it's very young parts of myself that are finally feeling more comfortable with her, and are emerging. I am freaking out a little about this because I feel as though I have no control.

Parts will do this. Smoke and mirrors (this is my opinion and my experience only). Parts say this to keep us safe when the abuse is happening:
1. It didn't happen (or it was my fault it happened)
2. He didn't hit me hard (even though you have a huge bruise)
3. If I was a better person, it wouldn't bother me
The list goes on and on.

So I would ask the counselor what her end goal is. Is she learning about the abuse from the little ones? Is she planning on integrating? Does she understand that you are feeling very ungrounded because of this? Has she helped you create a 'safe place' to go to when you are freaked out?

Questions to ask yourself.
1. Are you self harming because of this?
2. Are you functioning at a lower level because of this?
3. Has your self care taken a dive?
4. Are you isolating?

You may want to read about structural dissociation on this site. It talks quite a bit about parts. Why they are created, what roles they play, how to deal with them when in therapy. Just some thoughts. Not sure if they are helpful....

 

[Saria]

I have DDNOS and what you describe makes a lot of sense to me. I can also feel crazy, but reading about it has helped a little, and also given me a much better understanding of it all. Especially reading about structural dissociation as @shimmerz suggested, and working with a book called Coping with trauma-related dissociation.

 

[shimmerz]

@Saria , I am DDNOS as well. SD made HUGE sense to me after I found references to it during my research. It also (to me) makes this whole thing 'less big'. When dealing with a 'part' of me, I can see it as just that as, for years I kept asking myself 'where did I go'? Now I know that I am still there.... still here. And somehow this is all quite a bit more manageable.

 

[The Black Phoenix]

I think it's a scary place to go, when you let one of your inner children speak. I think of the process as being similar to trying to escape a chinese finger trap. The harder you try to pull the tighter it holds you, and it's not until you let go that you can free yourself. My opinion only; definitely not professional advice.

 

[PTSDbegone]

Thanks everyone for all the information, and your opinions. I've had to sit with all this for awhile, and as usual read more up about it.

For starters my therapist is currently on holiday for 3 months. This has given me some time to look for a new therapist. So far it hasn't gone well. Dissociation seems different for me than others. I have read so much about grounding techniques, but they don't work for me. I am not aware when I am going to have an episode. It can happen at any time without any warning, and nothing brings me out of it. More often than not I am in a complete frozen state. It can last from a few seconds, to many hours. I have sought out therapists who have experience with trauma and dissociation, but once I actually meet them they state they can't take me on. I am currently 0 for 6 right now. I have never been so frustrated.

 

[Saria]

I'm also looking for a new therapist at the moment. It's really exhausting! Do you feel you need a new therapist because you don't have a good relationship with your current one/experience with trauma and dissociation, or because she is unavailable a lot? @PTSDbegone

I guess there are different strategies to deal with dissociation depending on if we're talking about mild forms of detachment and dissociation or structural dissociation in DID and DDNOS. Maybe? At least I recognize what you're saying about grounding. Grounding can be helpful for me when I'm dealing with flashbacks etc., but I'm not sure if it makes a difference on my shifting between different parts. I really hope I can find a therapist with experience and knowledge about trauma and dissociation soon. Anyway, I feel your frustration.

I don't know if this would be relevant for any of you, but there's a recruitment going on for participation in a web-based intervention for patients with DID or DDNOS and their therapists, with weekly educational videos about dissocation, coping skills and practice exercises. Seems great if you already have a therapist you're comfortable with, and want to work with an intervention specifically targeted at DID/DDNOS in addition.

http://topddstudy.com/networkstudy.php