Anyone Else Have Trouble Imagining Their Future?

[TheUnicornXY]

I was glad to read this post. I felt validated. It seems like "sense of foreshortened future" is mostly glossed over, even by mental health professionals.

Any talk about PTSD seems to center around flashbacks etc. Don't get me wrong, I definitely have flashbacks and triggers and avoid possibly triggering situations like the plague. However, this is my most prevalent symptom, especially since my traumas started at a very young age and were life-threatening. I have always had an underlying sense of doom that is very different from "generalized anxiety." It varies in intensity, but is ALWAYS there. I've never been able to imagine the "future." It seems like the strangest thing in the world, and I feel like an alien when other people are talking about it. On birthdays and New Years I always think "Damn! I'm still here... What am I am I supposed to do now?" Milestones like graduation are the worst. I get this "tripy" feeling. It's surreal.

After having been in treatment for a long time I'm trying to adjust to the idea of having a "future." I think it's one of the most difficult parts of my recovery. I'm not glad that anyone had PTSD, but it's validating and comforting to know that I'm not alone in having these thoughts/feelings.

 

[JustBe]

Absolutely! I have trouble seeing next week! I never expected to live this long.

 

[BlackbirdSinging]

The future. That's that place where tomorrow is. That's when I'm going to do the rest of my laundry and finish cleaning my room :p. Seriously though I try to envision my future. And I kind of have goals. But I have no idea how I'm going to actually get to them. It's sort of like standing at A and the future is C and I need to travel on B to get there. Only I have no idea how to walk on B. Or where it is. Or if it will actually take me to C. I know it's a weird explanation of how I see it. But it really is like a place I think I might get to someday. But it feels totally disconnected as to how or when.

 

[Abstract]

That's when I'm going to do the rest of my laundry and finish cleaning my room .

Ha! Me too. Not.

Its funny as I never saw the whole foreshortened future thing as a big factor for me but reading this thread had me :wideeyed:

I didn't think about it applying that much as I was not thinking I was going to die soon and was rather just not thinking. But now that I have a moment to consider it properly that isn't the whole story at all. I never have the expectation of living. I can't see that. I have no expectation and thinking ahead actually feels impossible and as if there is a brick wall there.

I panic if I try to think ahead at all. Even a week can be trying. No wonder certain ways I respond gets up peoples nose. A bit of a revaluation.

Part of it must be a coping mechanism I think. I am usually just trying to survive the next few moments.

 

[BlackbirdSinging]

A bit of a revaluation.

I know what you mean. I had basically the same idea. That it really didn't effect me too much. And then I start thinking about something in the future and it feels like it's a place where all the other people go. I feel disconnected from it. Strange how that happens.

 

[.Bubbles.]

I've said for years, I won't make it to my 30th birthday. I was actually convinced. It was just a fact. Buy since I met my finance, life got better (oh trust me I still struggle a lot, but I'm not suicidal) Now I think there a chance I will make it, a chance I will grow old. So I dunno if that's just a depression thing, or if it counts? Maybe I understood the question wrong.

 

[clint wilson]

im 40 years old. I feel i have no skills and nothing to offer the world. I look for work but the world rejects me. I have a college degree but its worthless as the paper its written on. All I do is sleep. My life has turned into the reverse of a nightmare. The nightmare begins when I wake up. I have a few good friends but thats it. I have no support network but I have become pretty antisocial. People seem to be an obstacle. Seems like most people are just narcissistic mean and nasty and to be avoided at all costs. Im overweight which doesn't seem to help but at this point that doesn't seem to matter anymore either. Ive tried taking steps but I just cant quite see se the point or the end game. To be happy and alone? I just cant seem to find incentive in anything anymore. Im a good person, I help people. I was filling up with gas and some poor older gentleman stepped off the curb and fell down. He was dazed and couldnt get back up. I walked over after he tried a few times and failed and helped him up while literally 4-5 other people at the pumps watched. I am the guy that always helps. Who ever helps me? I feel like god is a mean kid with a magnifying glass and im an ant. I want to find incentive in life but its just not there anymore. Im just literally dead inside

 

[Dana1010]

Yeah, @clint wilson, I can't see myself ever dating again. Relationships are just an unsalvageable wreck. It's not going to happen. That leaves me thinking, is happiness compatible with being alone? Whenever you see images of happiness and the good life, they don't portray aging singles alone on the couch watching Wheel of Fortune. It doesn't help that I have no friends now nor any clue how to make them in the feverishly agoraphobic state I'm in.

It does seem like more people are opting not to marry or have kids these days, so as we age hopefully together we'll figure out ways the later years can be lived in harmony and acceptance. At least we don't have a divorce to look forward to.

 

[The Albatross]

Particularly liked "That leaves me thinking, is happiness compatible with being alone? Whenever you see images of happiness and the good life, they don't portray aging singles alone on the couch watching Wheel of Fortune."

Good points Dana. I absolutely didn't want to date again either. I had girlfriends crashing my apartment, getting me dressed, putting make up on, doing my hair. Got dragged out of the house literally. But I would get out and then not want to go back to my apartment and be alone. Quite a dilemma.

Though scared witless, I ended up in another relationship... this one has been two decades and counting. If someone would have told me that, I'd have said they were full of shit.

 

[xena21]

But I would get out and then not want to go back to my apartment and be alone. Quite a dilemma.

I think its a Catch 21 or something to that effect. Being alone sucks so bad! I know. I live it every day, yet I don't want to change it either. I am terrified to see anyone that could alter my life. I look at my future as well one step at a time. Every step is so measured and allowed only for my convenience. Yet change could make such a difference I know. In a rational way I know!

I realize that if I could somehow learn how to get close to people I would be able to see the importance of life. I would want to live a longer existence. Life might seem more worth living. Don't people want to live more for others? I think so. Right now I to to keep going for the right things and my therapists. I know My Mom would be horrified. I do love my Mom. Life needs to be about so much more though don't you think?