Anyone Else Sometimes Scared To Shower?

[AngelKeeperJ]

I hate what others have done to us that we even need this website, that our minds live in fear of abuse based on past abuse. It is like someone has taken an egg beater to my brain intentionally to make sure I am all mixed up. Life is never the same for any of us after the abuses we experience.

Perfectly said! I often wonder what I would have been like if I had been cared for, nurtured, watched over, and comforted when needed. To have had someone asking me how I was, hugged me, and being told that I was loved would have given me the emotional strength to stand up to being treated badly. My abuse would never have happened if those things HAD happened. All we can do is fight to THRIVE, on the way to surviving. I don't think we necessarily totally arrive being able to thrive. Choosing to NOT give up even when we want to give up the most, is a form of surviving. In my own opinion anyway.

I have a hard time showering when I am any place other than home. I make myself, but I do it fast. Even being seen naked is unacceptable...

 

[Deleted member 37085]

For many years @AngelkeeperJ/AKJ yes I too have had strange issues showering; some has to do with father, other has to do with touch sensitivity and not liking the water hitting my skin as it feels uncomfortable and I too jump in and out of the shower stealthily even in my own place. I've always been somewhat apprehensive about getting into shower stall then again feeling physical discomfort when water hits my skin and I feel uneasy emotionally, psychologically, hard to explain.

I use to like to take baths and not anymore. I have decorated bathroom with a huge sunburst inside of top of wall of shower stall and then with beautiful curtain, and prints all around, still do not feel that water spiritual connection with the water coming out of shower head. I've tried to figure this out, all I know is that vague memories of father surface, and I don't live there anymore. Yeah. Just guess I'll have to continue to make myself get in the shower stall and take a quick shower @AngelkeeperJ/AKJ.

And then when the Alfred Hitchcock movie Psycho starring Anthony Perkins and Janet Leigh came out into movie theaters and on cable, oh, oh, oh, Katie bar the door! This ratcheted my feeling uncomfortable in shower stall up to a whole new level. How 'bout you?

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

Perfectly said! I often wonder what I would have been like if I had been cared for, nurtured, w...

I totally agree, when I was 14-17 I was at a residential treatment center for kids, and it turns out that was the only 3 years in my entire life that I was care for, protected, educated, encourages, loved, respected, etc. I was removed from there because I was becoming 18 soon. Life went to hell after that, if they had let me transition to be on my own from there I would have probably done very well in life. Instead life went down hill and then I ended up in that hell hole EHS. Since my life has been misery. I don't enjoy life, I hate, but I tolerate it because I have to.

Its not a good way to be when you see your P-DOC and he asks the famous questions about safety as part of his script, and the answer is yes I have thought about it, as I always have, but nothing more. They understand now that I am a chronic suicide risk and have been for a very long time, so when they ask the question for me is, it is about have I thought of actually doing vs thinking about it. I am glad they actually understand this. If they went by just thinking I would be locked away in a hospital permanently. Even hospitals are beginning to look at it that way, If I recall the P-Doc at Sheppard Pratt Trauma Disorders Unit called it being passively suicidal.

@AngelkeeperJ/AKJ I am sure you are well aware of this about me, as you have followed me thru some of my worse moments to my better moments.

I am actually surprised after so many attempts I am still here, it is possible I will get lucky some day. I hate feeling that way. And when I am not feeling that way and am doing well, I still hate life.

My T touched on this today when I saw her, and is pushing me to go out and find fun like entertainment and such (the have a festival in our city this weekend starting today complete with a band), but even that I found myself thinking about the bad stuff, remembering how I used to see bands with my dad before my abuse came about. I am haunted by what was done, it comes to me, either in flashbacks, or intrusive memories, or in hypervigilance.

 

[DanielAC]

My stepdad used to come in when I was in the shower. Before him, my other stepdad would "help me" in the...

My abuser (one of them at least) frequently walked in on me in the shower as well. I didn't take a proper shower for over six months at one point, could only take quick baths that ended as soon as my panic attacks started.
For me it helped to wash my hair in the sink and it might help you to wash with a damp wash cloth, even if that isnt in the shower. You could bring things into your bedroom or your kitchen or wherever you feel most comfortable to gradually reacclimate to bathing? Maybe going swimming if you can or buying wet whipes (theyre really useful and a lot of nonptsd sufferers use them when they cannot shower) to use? I'm not sure if these will help but they're just a few ideas.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

with a damp wash cloth, even if that isnt in the shower

I did this a lot, sometimes still do

 

[littleoc]

My stepdad used to come in when I was in the shower. Before him, my other stepdad would "help me" in the...

In case someone hasn't already mentioned it:

Try baby no-water bath supplies? Might not help completely with smell, but on very hard days may help you feel a bit better.




I've taken curtains and moved them away. Allowed myself to flood the bathroom a bit with no curtain (towels on the floor) so I could feel like I could get out. Also blocked the door a bit so I wouldn't feel as exposed. It helps :)

 

[Daydreamer]

Hi,
I understand you, my father used to spy on me through the window when i was showering and it made me really scared of taking showers.
When there's a window in the bathroom I always cover It, hang a towel over it or something like that.
Now my bathroom does not have a window and it makes a big difference for me.
What others already said and what helps me too is music, I sometimes sing and dance in the shower too and with time I learned to like it. Treat yourself with some scented candels, nice soap and great smelling shower products. Try to remember that you'e safe now and showering is enjoyable and good for you.
For temporary solutions - you can wash yourself without actually undressing and getting in the shower or tub. You can wash your feet in a bowl or sink and wash your neck and armpits over the sink when washing your face, maybe using a sponge or a cloth. You can wash your hair over the sink too.

I'm sorry you're going through it. It's gonna get better, stay strong and remember you're safe now.

 

[recoveringfromptsd]

I don't have the same experience as some of you with people entering the shower inappropriately. For me it was about being vulnerable to anyone. The shower is a very vulnerable place, and one is doubly vulnerable in the shower due to being naked. I used to tie a rope to the door know and sink trap (if it was accessible or some other point to make sure no one could come in. But this when I got past not taking showers at all.