Ring Doorbell-Anyone Else Struggle With It?

[Jade-]

Does anyone else have ring doorbell to help you have a sense of security yet have instant anxiety & panic every time you get a notification that someone is at your door?

If so, how do you manage? I really do like being able to see/know yet at the same time I'm not sure if I am better off or not because of the instant panic when I am notified. It doesn't bother me when I am not home and get notified,of course,but when I am home,holy cow it scares the shit outta me. Every time.

 

[Voiceofthevoiceless]

I dont have a ring doorbell but even a knock is enough to make my heart rate jump a couple hundred, shaking, sweating etc...

 

[Charbella]

Is there a time setting on it? Like set it for when your at work but at night/weekends make it a silent notification where you only notice IF you look?

Personally when my PTSD flared my phone making ANY sound sent my system into complete panic mode. However cutting myself off from everyone and everything isn’t ideal either so I silenced everything. Then invested in a watch that vibrates. Sometimes that’s too much and I go watch less but generally the gentler touch worked for me.

My family has ring and it is sensitive so it’s not even if someone is at her door, if they come close it goes off. I wouldn’t make it.

 

[Jade-]

Well the main reason I have one is to feel safer at home so silencing it while at home defeats the purpose. I need it in case the abusive ex comes around. Or any other shady people.

It seems to be a no-win situation. Without it I am looking out the windows and through the peep hole on my front door. With it I am jumping out of my skin when I get a notification. All of my other phone notifications don't bother me at all really and maybe I just need time to adjust and desensitize myself to it. IDK

 

[Weemie]

Oh nah how I deal with people knocking on my door is pretending like I am not home :)

Sorry this was a bit glib, I didn't realize this was a specific fear situation and thought it was more of a generalized "what do y'all do/feel about this." Now I recognize you have a genuine fear of someone harming you - I don't have much advice for this, but I used to work for a company here that installed security systems, so maybe you could phone up your cable/ISP etc place (I worked with an ISP) and inquire about other security measures than the ring doorbell?

 

[Charbella]

Maybe the ring isn’t the right path for you. Maybe securing your home is a better route? I have wooden dowels in all my windows, if the lock fails there’s still not a way in. My house only locks with a deadbolt. Your fear is that he will come and you won’t be able to stop his entry, so secure the place. You can certainly keep the ring but maybe knowing he won’t be able to come in if he comes over will keep your anxiety in check. Make a list of what you will do if ring catches him on camera. Things like call 911 before telling him to go away. Sorry I realize that’s US but if you live in the US there’s also a dispatch number you can call that’s less emergency and more please send someone to my house. In case that helps.

 

[Jade-]

Your fear is that he will come and you won’t be able to stop his entry, so secure the place.

Yes, that's my fear in a nutshell.

Sometimes I can't seem to think rationally about things. Having the place secure with plans in place ahead of time sounds like such a logical thing to do. It will be much more helpful than just worrying about it. Duh.

Thanks

 

[Friday]

plans in place ahead of time

This.

One thing I often do when my anxiety is spinning out of control is to play the “…and then what?” game.

Notification.
PANIC. WHAT IF IT’S HIM?!?
Either it will be, or it won’t be.

If it isn’t him?
- Okay. And then what?
- Nothing. No worries.

If it is him? Okay. And then what?
- Answer
- Ignore
- Flee
- Plan A
- Plan B
- Plan C

For each possible option? Ask “and then what?” And follow the path until it’s next branch. Ask ‘and then what’ to each of those.

What if
- he breaks down the door
- he breaks a window
- he lights the house on fire
- he calls the police and lies
- he’s there with 6 friends.

For EVERY possible “what if???” … I play out the possible scenario. And then? What?

What if I have cancer?
What if my ex shows up at my door?

It doesn’t really matter WHAT “What if?!?”

I chase it.

To its conclusion.

And then, what?

Which breaks the loop, where I stay stuck in the fear of “it” (whatever it is) happening.

Because in reality? I’m capable, and strong, and will figure shit out. Rightly, or wrongly. But staying spun up in the “I can’t think, can’t breathe, IMMEDIACY” of a crisis with no path out? Pfft. Anxiety. f*ck anxiety. Plan. And then adapt. As necessary.

 

[Freddyt]

Either it will be, or it won’t be.

Like a light switch - either its on or its off. It's overthinking it that's the problem.

I have that problem when my phone beeps. I just remember this story.

I just think about the story in my Zen golf book about the farmer. His one and only horse ran away just before planting time and all the villagers came by an said how terrible, how will you plant your fields? The farmer said "Who knows whats good and whats bad?" The next day his horse returned with several wild horses with him. The villagers said "how lucky" and the farmer said "Who knows whats good and whats bad?". Just after planting season the farmers son was repairing the roof and fell, breaking his leg. The villagers all came and said "how terrible". And the farmer said "Who knows whats good and whats bad?". The next day the kings troops came and conscripted all the able bodied boys in the village. And the village people said "how lucky your son was injured and they didn't take him" and the farmer said "Who knows whats good and whats bad?"

 

[Jade-]

I'm actually becoming desensitized to the ring doorbell thingy. I think because I now have plans in place for any 'real' intrusion,with an array of weapons,people that I can call (besides/along with police))and by reminding myself that the notifications of " a person is detected at your front door" doesn't necessarily mean there really is anyone at the door and certainly doesn't mean it's the ex.

I am prepared for the ex should he ever show up and try to get in. That's made the biggest difference,just feeling confident in myself, rather than always being afraid. I would like to see him try.

BTW @Friday ,your post has really helped since I first read it. So thank you for that.