mumstheword
MyPTSD Pro
So, my adult kid's dad, is a weed dealer, has roped our kid's into his illegal activities, has been very narc-aly abusive towards myself and now, after years of blatantly doing what he does in our, very small village, he's been raided and while my youngest daughter is taking it matter of factly, my oldest daughter who is pregnant is devastated and scared that her dad might be going to jail.
I didn't respond with the distress and surprise that daughty seemed to require of me and I'm not too sure how to proceed. She, practically hung up on me after I said he might go to jail and I said there's no point being upset about something you can't do anything about.
I've already done years of grieving over his choices and behaviour and how that's impacted me and our children, but how do I support my pregnant daughter who's scared for her dad and possible loss of him during the onset of her becoming a mother?
I'm still mad at him, to be honest, but, I have to clamp down on my feelings because I don't want to negatively impact on our children who have suffered and still suffer enough because of his shortcomings and addiction and narcissism and criminal lifestyle. Yep, its only weed, but its still illegal and that's not my fault, I chose to get out and model a different lifestyle without the legal ramifications weighing down on me.
How could she not see this coming?
Why do I get ignored for all that he's put me through but when his choices get consequences I'm supposed to act upset and that this wasn't inevitable?
I can't react in a neurotypical way or like someone who isn't compassion-for-him fatigued, his actions and attitude wore that out of me and was never reciprocated, his excuse for never showing me the slightest bit of compassion was, supposedly, "I cried too much" ,(his words).
But I do have a huge amount of compassion and concern for my daughter, I just don't know how to communicate that to her, in a way that she feels it at the moment, as she doesn't want rational, factual, pragmatic, she wants something else. What does she want me to say and how can I help her through this?
We were supposed to have a girl's day out tomorrow, me and my two girls, but, I don't know if she wants to see me now, coz, she's upset with me for not acting more shocked, worried and upset about her dad getting in trouble wih the law (yet again).
I could have got him in trouble with the law myself. I would have been well within my rights to do so, and I feel pretty generous and nice that I didn't, so, and, but, my generosity toward him has been stretched so thin already, after the cruel, spiteful and heartless ways he's treated me, and I have to curb my hurt responses already so much, with my children, so I'm pretty flat and detached, it's all I can do to not spew bitter hurt and "well he made his bed, now's time he lies in it" kind of thing.
How do I put myself well out of the picture and just support my adult children through this, yet another, life and family crisis?
I didn't respond with the distress and surprise that daughty seemed to require of me and I'm not too sure how to proceed. She, practically hung up on me after I said he might go to jail and I said there's no point being upset about something you can't do anything about.
I've already done years of grieving over his choices and behaviour and how that's impacted me and our children, but how do I support my pregnant daughter who's scared for her dad and possible loss of him during the onset of her becoming a mother?
I'm still mad at him, to be honest, but, I have to clamp down on my feelings because I don't want to negatively impact on our children who have suffered and still suffer enough because of his shortcomings and addiction and narcissism and criminal lifestyle. Yep, its only weed, but its still illegal and that's not my fault, I chose to get out and model a different lifestyle without the legal ramifications weighing down on me.
How could she not see this coming?
Why do I get ignored for all that he's put me through but when his choices get consequences I'm supposed to act upset and that this wasn't inevitable?
I can't react in a neurotypical way or like someone who isn't compassion-for-him fatigued, his actions and attitude wore that out of me and was never reciprocated, his excuse for never showing me the slightest bit of compassion was, supposedly, "I cried too much" ,(his words).
But I do have a huge amount of compassion and concern for my daughter, I just don't know how to communicate that to her, in a way that she feels it at the moment, as she doesn't want rational, factual, pragmatic, she wants something else. What does she want me to say and how can I help her through this?
We were supposed to have a girl's day out tomorrow, me and my two girls, but, I don't know if she wants to see me now, coz, she's upset with me for not acting more shocked, worried and upset about her dad getting in trouble wih the law (yet again).
I could have got him in trouble with the law myself. I would have been well within my rights to do so, and I feel pretty generous and nice that I didn't, so, and, but, my generosity toward him has been stretched so thin already, after the cruel, spiteful and heartless ways he's treated me, and I have to curb my hurt responses already so much, with my children, so I'm pretty flat and detached, it's all I can do to not spew bitter hurt and "well he made his bed, now's time he lies in it" kind of thing.
How do I put myself well out of the picture and just support my adult children through this, yet another, life and family crisis?
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