Assault Assaulted Teacher

[marilyn#27]

I suffer from (moderate to severe)PTSD. This happened to me because I was attacked by students in a fight while working as a high school teacher in October of last year. My physical and mental injuries have halted my life. I am fighting to control panic attacks and anxiety. Tonight, I forced myself to go watch my 8th grade daughter play basketball and cheer at her first game of the year. The gymnasium was Hell On Earth for me! I felt like many people were looking my way, saying things about me/judging me/enjoying the fact that I have suffered something traumatic and can't pull out of it. My face was red the whole time, my heart beating in my throat, terrified, while I held my purse in my lap sort of clutching it for security.

I feel like a completely different person isolated from everyone because of the PTSD. I want to overcome this NOW...but, the more I push myself, I become more astonished at how deep this trauma has shaken me to my very core. I can't work, I can't sleep, I hate to even think about trying to go shopping in PUBLIC. This isn't who I am!!

Before this happened to me, I was the life of the party, very charismatic, outgoing, likeable, witty, proud of who I was, could speak and lecture to crowds, coach sports, and accomplish almost anything I set my mind to achieve. When does this trap loosen? Will I ever be who I once was before this happened to me?

 

[Loveneverfails]

I think the very real answer to that is no. You can't ever go back to who you were. You will always be different. But that doesn't have to be a bad thing. You can keep the positives. It will take time to show them again. Time to heal. You will never be exactly who you were, but in time it's possible to be something better. Just remember that there is no time table, and rushing it won't make you heal any quicker. Love yourself, give yourself the option to progress as you are able. It never happens the way we want or when we want, but it can and does happen.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

No, you will never be the same person, unfortunately. I've been told (by a former therapist) that those who had trauma later in life (not as a child) need to mourn the loss of their former selves and reconcile these two parts of you. But, that's not to say you can't be happy, and healthy once again.

 

[Wanda]

I agree with Loveneverfails and ScaredOfLoney, it is a change that makes us learn to love ourselves and those we truly trust and love.

 

[Loner]

Even without a traumatic event, you can never go back to being the way you used to be. People change over time. This ISN'T who you are though, this is just a bump in the road.

 

[marilyn#27]

I think the very real answer to that is no.

I agree with you. My actions and reactions to certain circumstances and events now are so different than how I would have reacted in the past. I'm not a fun person now, but serious and critical of myself and others...reclusive in this safe little world that I can't come out of just quiet yet. I have been praying that I come out of this valley and rise above this to be a better person than I ever was...patience is so hard for me, I want to conquer it now, but it just isn't time yet. My doc told me last week that I have been through a life changing experience, and with time, healing, healthy eating habits, exercise, walks in the sun, prayer, and giving myself and family top priority will get me through this. I am still afraid...I want to feel the strength that will bring me out of this to start growing inside of me, so I can begin to heal.

 

[marilyn#27]

This ISN'T who you are though, this is just a bump in the road.

Thank you for your encouragement...My self-esteem has never been so low. I can't believe that I let myself get to this point...but I feel robbed of my career, health, and achievements that helped define who I am to myself. Why can't I feel good about myself again? it wasn't my fault this happened...but I know others look at me like a weakling who has given up on life. Many times a day, I pray that I will soon be able to hold down a job, go back to work, but...I want to move far away from this place and get a fresh start in a totally different career. This is the only way I see that I could hopefully feel successful and vibrant again once my physical injuries have passed.

 

[Loner]

Some might view you that way, but most of that is in your own head, and even if some do, it is out of ignorance. Many people in life know what it means to be beaten down by life, and how hard it is, and have learned to respect that struggle when they witness it in others. Besides, you should learn to love yourself, and the love of others will not matter as much.

"You wouldn't worry about what others think if you realized how seldom they actually do" - Eleanor Roosevelt.

"If you make friends with yourself you will never be alone" - Maxwell Maltz

Easier said than done. Hang in there. Make positive healthy decisions every day and things will get better.

 

[Philippa]

Self-esteem fluctuates in most people at one time or another, from life stuff that happens. You can build that up again into a better you.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I know how you feel!

I hate feeling judged. I hate being shunned. Hate it, hate it, hate it!

For now I'm stuck here but eventually I want to move somewhere else and get a fresh start. It stinks being from a small town where everyone knows everyone and everyone knows your business. I hate hiding in my own town!

 

[marilyn#27]

Having trouble sleeping, tonight...My counselor suggested that I begin to "nurture" myself. HA HA Sounds very comical to me, but I will give it a shot tonight by talking to myself while trying to go to sleep while saying only positive things about myself...I will pass out eventually...UGH

 

[Wanda]

For now I'm stuck here but eventually I want to move somewhere else and get a fresh start.

It will happen, we are moving out of our apartment complex...there has been so many things going on I had started sleeping at the front door with my dogs!

We have found a duplex, 3 BR, 2 Bath, 2 car garage and Private fenced backyard. Worked out with the owners here to let us out of our lease with no charges, due to what we have endured this past month!

Think positive, be determined and it will happen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!