Assault Assaulted Teacher

[Wanda]

It takes time Marilyn but eventually will happen. Remember Rome wasn't built in a day and healing from PTSD doesn't either.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Everyone already said it all so well. I just want to encourage you. It is going to take time and working on yourself in therapy. You have not lost yourself. It is like an identity crises. It will take time for the new you to emerge out of all you are suffering and enduring. You will get to keep the good stufff.

When I first started therapy, I wanted to get fixed so I could go back to my healed life. It was a horrible first year. I had to come to terms with a lifetime of unresolved traumas. I am still working on myself. I hope you will be able to relax and go with the flow of your own process.

I am sad that you got attacked. I am so sad that it messed up your life so much. But you will find the pieces of you coming together slowly. I hope this helps you.

 

[Estacia]

Wanda, I'm happy you will have some peace of mind now that you have a new place. A new start is not a bad choice.

 

[Wanda]

Thank you Estacia I know it won't make the PTSD go away, but can help be able to learn more about myself. I have always been afraid of the dark, today a memory came back when I was a child most of the molestation came at night...At least now I have a protective husbands and my 2 beagles sleep by my side of the bed. We keep lots of night lights on throughout the house and my husband said explains my wanting to keep all the windows closed and locked even in the spring and fall.

 

[Estacia]

Ny home is lock tight all day long too. Yet I never feel safe.

 

[Wanda]

I totally understand, we have a deadbolt, chain and one of the hotel locks on the door. I won't even answer the door in the day time!

 

[marilyn#27]

Gizmo :)

You are so kind to offer those words of encouragement. They really mean a lot to me. Even though things are thrown at me, I'm starting to see that I don't have to hide in my bedroom to get through it. This just started the past couple of days!!! :) I am so excited that I can sit down in the recliner in front of the television and actually enjoy/relax/and breathe without feeling out of place.

Me and my 3 children (19, 13, 10) just moved into my grandparents' home that was left to my mom as an inheritance. We are so blessed to have it. We aren't quite settled in, yet, but I feel a peace here that I haven't felt in a while. I am starting to feel safe. I pray regularly, almost constantly, trying to keep positive things blurting out of my mouth....instead of insane profanities that I don't even want to pop out and even enter my mind. (wierd) So, I guess I feel better, yep, I do.......

so, share a little bit about yourself with me...if you would like to...

Your Friend,
Marilyn

 

[marilyn#27]

Scared of Lonely,

I grew up here, and have always felt the pressure of this small town...

I play guitar and sing as a hobby (I did love to shine in the spotlight until this crap happened to me) Grew up singin' John Cougar's "Little Pink Houses" :) but need to learn "Small Town"...definitely more appropriate!!

I am dreaming of landing a job with a corporation and moving away to the big city...lol my country accent would get a lot of attention, I'm sure.

I feel your pain when you say you want a fresh start...I am craving one more and more everyday.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Marilyn, I moved out of a very toxic community a year and a half ago. I got a fresh start. I am just now starting to rebuild my life. I am the caregiver for my husband who has parkinsons and lewy body dementia. He is fading fast. When he is really having a bad day he has hallucinations and delusions, beliefs about things not really happening but to him they are.

He used to be my supporter and caregiver. So now I am the responsible one and I do everything. I handle the finaces and I drive and maintain the home. He still does stuff and does alot of housework.

It is very hard to be responsible for everything, but I am doing it. I do not get out much because he is so sick. I go and get my nails done, get my hair done, and go out for a coffee with my daughter and have my grandkids over sometimes. I am searching for things I can do for a short period of time.

I am doing emdr now. I find it has helped me so much. I cannot believe how much it has helped me. I am not haunted by so many bad memories. I was diagnosed in 1985, and was in therapy for 9 years, then I quit to be autonamous. I learned how to think for myself. I have had ptsd all of my life.

I was having bad anxiety and was a basket case before I signed up with the forum. My healing has speeded up since I joined. I wish I had the forum when I was first diagnosed. It would have made a huge difference for me. But better late than never. Take care. Big hugs.

 

[marilyn#27]

Gizmo,

Wow...you are a strong person. I am amazed at your situation and how you are getting through it. Could you give me some tips on living autonamous?

I recently began counseling for PTSD, and it seems my counselor may not quite understand my feelings and anxieties. She told me last visit that if I were in Afghanistan, that I would survive...because I am so secluded right now. She said, "But, you're not in Afghanistan and you are safe. Don't be so afraid of everything." And later in the meeting, she told me that even though I feel like I am "in the spotlight and all eyes are watching me, the people don't care what I am doing." I know that is crap, because a small town is like living under a microscope. She made me feel uncomfortable and "judged" yet again! I don't want to feel like I am being made fun of...it hurts me so much when I turn to a professional for grasping some tools to help cope with this, and I think she just set me back a little bit. I don't trust anyone, and wanted to trust her, but I don't think I will...she doesn't understand me.

The counselors/psychiatrists are not numerous. But, I believe I may give her one more shot...and then if it doesn't go well, I will find a new person to turn to for advice on coping with PTSD.

Marilyn

 

[Wanda]

Wow Marilyn,

So sorry your counselor doesn't seem comforting. I am very fortunate for the counselor I have. She doesn't try to pry the trauma out, until I am ready. She gives me encouragement and understands how my brain works.

She takes calls for her clients 24-7. At the end of each session she gives me a hug and tells me to do my self therapy and whether or not I realize it some of the pieces are falling in place, just don't try to force myself to make all the pieces fit till they are ready to fit.

Good luck my friend,
Wanda