Attachment to/Transference with Therapist

[Kubash16]

It's just a strange feeling of not being able to trust everything I learned, if that makes sense? Like what's really what if it isn't that?

 

[Deleted member 47099]

Yeah :hug:

Add it to the long, long list of stuff that sucks about having grown up with a toxic, abusive FOO :(

 

[Kubash16]

It's like that thing with the dude at work. When I talked to T about it I was super ashamed of liking the attention I was getting from the dude and T was like there's nothing wrong with liking that attention, it feels good and that's just human. But I still feel the shame.

 

[Deleted member 47099]

Your T is right.

And your brain will slowly relearn this stuff. It'll take time tho. :hug:

 

[Kubash16]

Feeling good doesn't feel good.
Feeling good feels wrong.
Feeling good feels like I am being selfish.
Feeling good feels like I am in the wrong and should be ashamed.

These are the things I learned, and need to unlearn.

 

[EveHarrington]

Trust in the process as opposed to bonding with someone who can disappear in an instant......thus causing you to need therapy for your therapy.

Focus on bonding with and forming relationships with real world people where a future is possible, and the relationship is balanced. (This is key, two people on equal footing.)

Professionals are merely professionals to me. I trust what they say and the advice they give me, but at the end of the day it’s nothing more than a professional relationship. I’ve been seeing my psychiatrist for 10 years now and yes, I have a backup doc (whom I have seen quite a few times) for when he closes his practice, gets hit by a bus, or some other randomness happens where I end up with no doc. Pinning down a backup therapist has proved harder.

 

[Kubash16]

Trust in the process as opposed to bonding with someone who can disappear in an instant......thus causing you to need therapy for your therapy.

Focus on bonding with and forming relationships with real world people where a future is possible, and the relationship is balanced. (This is key, two people on equal footing.)

Professionals are merely professionals to me. I trust what they say and the advice they give me, but at the end of the day it’s nothing more than a professional relationship. I’ve been seeing my psychiatrist for 10 years now and yes, I have a backup doc (whom I have seen quite a few times) for when he closes his practice, gets hit by a bus, or some other randomness happens where I end up with no doc. Pinning down a backup therapist has proved harder.

I went into therapy with this mindset. He’s just a professional doing his job. He is extremely good at maintaining his boundaries. But my mindset shifted somewhere along the way. He’s become this anchor in the middle of chaos that I can have a safe place to feel good at. He missed an email I wrote recently that indicated how suicidal I was feeling. I got seriously angry at him for it. Way more angry then just a professional relationship thing. I’m not in love with him, but I fear, deeply fear, ever losing him. It’s twisted.

 

[Kubash16]

I am a little confused by your comment @EveHarrington so hopefully you can clarify a little. I agree I should trust the process. But, I have read/seen in a lot of places that building trust and a relationship of sorts with the therapist can be vital to treatment.

 

[EveHarrington]

I am a little confused by your comment @EveHarrington so hopefully you can clarify a little. I agree I should trust the process. But, I have read/seen in a lot of places that building trust and a relationship of sorts with the therapist can be vital to treatment.

Yes, bonding with a therapist is one way to go.

I don’t believe it is necessary and for me I believe it’s harmful.

I have gone that route in the past and it’s proven harmful. I have much more stability now that I’m not forming therapeutic bonds with either my doctor or therapist. I’ve seen so many posts about people needing therapy in order to manage their relationship with their therapist, I just know it’s not a Road I want to go down. Yes, I’ve been on other forums where this “bonding” and dysfunctionality was taken to new heights, and encouraged by everyone. It was crazy.

As with anything, there are multiple views on the issue. Nothing in the world of trauma is cut and dry, a “you MUST do this in order to heal” kind of thing.

 

[Kubash16]

That’s definitely true. Thank you for clarifying.

 

[Rumors]

I don't know how you can do trauma therapy without being somewhat attached to your therapist. I mean for me I wouldn't spew my history to someone that I had zero relationship with. I had to form some sort of bond, alliance, or whatever. Although it may only be one sided, I have to believe that my therapist cares about me and wants what is best. I do see how scary that is however and can acknowledge that I would be deeply hurt if my time with my therapist was terminated for any reason. I have come to greatly appreciate the safe place. It's the only place I have...

 

[Kubash16]

I can understand where Eve is coming from and for some that may be healthier. It would be easier in some ways to not have the attachment.

I think in my case it’s necessary to an extent because then I can explore and learn what a healthy relationship is (albeit one sided, but better than nothing) since I didn’t have any education in that area.

I don’t have or trust anyone outside of my T right now to be able to build that. Except one person, and we are pretty much already there. So the attachment is scaring the hell out of me and I was hoping others have experienced this, I don’t regret it. I see it as a really useful tool right now since things are playing out in it that have happened in real life. So I have a chance to fix those things with someone who knows what he’s doing.