Sufferer Attempted Murder Survivor

[Mercy]

My Hope

Your encouragement is so uplifting. I will go to sleep each night and wake up each day and remember what you said. Thank you so much for those words.

What a blessing. The forum is filled with people who can encourage you and stand by you.

But, what you can know, is that you are a strong woman, with inner strength that carried you through that horrible experience. I believe that same inner strength that saved you then will help guide you through your recovery now. I'm glad you saw the beauty in that sunrise - your resilience is amazing.

I agree with what Myhope has written. You have inner resources that may not have had a reason to come forward until now. They will save you, and support you. Therapy can teach you ways to handle anxiety and it seems like you are finding them yourself.
I don't know if you would accept prayers. I am more than willing with your permission.

 

[LokiBell]

@Mercy I need all the prayers I can get, thank you so much for offering.

 

[Forgetful]

@Solara you mentioned a sister site for sexual abuse PTSD. I'd like to check that one out too. How do I find it?

 

[LokiBell]

Update.....I was able to get an appointment with the YWCA today and had my intake meeting. They are providing me with a court advocate to go to court with me and to guide me through the process. I am also getting a counselor who specializes in victims of violent crimes. So things are looking up for me. I still have good days and bad and I cry a lot and have had quite a few panic attacks lately, but as the trial approaches I know that I will have both emotional and physical reactions to my situation. I did have a trigger episode last night as I was shopping in a department store and saw a full length mirror that was shattered. I began to cry, hyperventilate and rushed out of the store immediately. During my torture at one point my head must have been smashed into the mirror as the police took it for evidence. They said my hair and blood was in it plus when I was at the emergency room they were pulling shards of glass out of my scalp and hair. This must have been at some point when I had lost consciousness as I don't even recall that specific part. I took some medication for my panic attack and drove home when I calmed down. My advocate told me that there will be triggers and sometimes I won't know what they are until I encounter them.

 

[Barbara J]

On Sept 21, 3013 I awoke to my husband of 5 months throwing me off the bed. As he had never ever been...

You were not alone, and you are not alone, you are never alone. I understand why you cry all the time,I also cry often at random. It is hard to be a survivor, but we are survivors for a reason. We are the type of people destined to help others, and we find great joy in helping others. So I think to help yourself with healing, you should continue to help others, and do feel good about it, because as you help others survive in this world, you will also help yourself continue to survive. This is a note from one survivor to another, you are loved!!!!!!

 

[Theresa1122]

Loki, In reading your story, I had many triggers as I am also a survivor of attempted murder by my husband who had never been violent before. My difference is that my husband used a shotgun and after he thought I was going to die, he turned the gun on himself and his suicide was successful.

I'm so sorry you're going through all this. Please don't give up on finding a therapist. I've been to many and it took years for me to finally find the right one. I'm coming up on the 8 year anniversary of my trauma. That night, I not only lost my husband, but lost his entire family. They still to this day do not believe that he would ever have done what he did and they still blame me. They put ads in the newspaper every year around the anniversary saying that they will someday find "the truth" of what happened that night and that they won't have "closure" until they figure it out. One of his family members even went online to his obituary site and called me a liar and a murderer. It's unbelievable pain to go through!

Physically, I have had several surgeries - a few right when it happened then several throughout the years, one being just 3 months ago. Mentally, I found a psychologist online that specializes in PTSD and she was a good fit and I'm finally getting some help. Being on this forum has been wonderful too. Just knowing that I'm not alone and there's people here that truly understand.

I hope you get through is horrific trial with the help of your advocate and continue to find therapy. (((HUGS))) :hug:s

 

[Immortal76]

Welcome to the forum ((((((Loki)))))). I could not read all of your post. I am sorry. There are...

I am a survivor of an attempted murder bye a aquaitence/freind whom shot me four times at point blank range.The first shot was behind my left ear because i turned my head the bullet shattered my jaw into 64 pieces and blowing 4 teeth out and exited thru my tongue and opposite side of my jaw lodging there. After that shot my assailant let me go as I backed up feeling my face and trying to make sense of what had happened the fight mode kicked in as i was blocked from exiting my home there was no flight and i figured that i was gonna die so i charged back toward him trying to disarm him he shot me three more times point blank in the left side of my chest. One bullet went thru both lungs and exited and went thru my left arm lodging in my door.the second shot sheered the t9 and t8 vertebrae off blowing the disc between them in half then stopping in my rib on the opposite side.

The third shot was at a downwards angle and shattered 6 of my ribs on both sides of my body. After the last shot my legs stopped working and my brain sent a voice that said "play dead" so i fell to the floor and acted dead after falling he stood over me for fifteen seconds as i lay there i expected to be shot in again in the back of my head. As i waited he casually walked over me and left my home as i lay there i heard his car start up and in one of the stupidest moves i could of made i got up and struggled to open my door and managed to get out on my porch and look at my would be assassin. As i looked at him he looked at me and as our eyes met i saw the look of shock come accross his face and then he sped off. Shortly there after my adrenaline could only take my bullet riddled so far i collapsed realizing i could not breath as the blood filled my already collapsed lungs i remember my neighbors all around me trying to keep me from dying bye staunching my wounds. As i lay there i figured i was gonna die and remember telling my neighbors im gonna die and they kept talking to me insisting i was gonna make it i remember staring at my address numbers lit under my porchlight i slowly started losing my conciousness.

The paramedics arrived and cut my clothes off and started prepping me for transport. As they loaded me into the ambulance i remember my neighbhors yelling u are gonna make it and i raised my right arm with everything i had left in me. In route to the hospital i remember telling my medic "tell my kids i love them" and he replied holding my hand ur not gonna die we aren't gonna let you and as we continued i slowly drifted to a calm dark place like a heavy nap. I remember opening my eyes and it was dark and cold i could not help to think that i was a ghost then i remember feeling like i was in a garbage bag. In actuality i was in the morgue after arriving doa at the hospital. I remember trying to find a way out of this garbage bag feeling material and as i did i heard a scream and clingging of tools hitting the ground i found a zipper. I remeber trying to get the zipper open and all of the sudden someone unzipped thee bodybag i remember seeing bright lights and feeling the cold as then i realized i was in the morgue and had been dead. The head charge nurse and several others were all over the place one said "we lost you" and i couldnt figure out what they meant until i saw the big cooling fans and bodies on the steel tables i realized i was in the morgue. As fast as they could they rushed me into the emergency room the head doctor whispered in my ear "i know you have been thru hell but we have to stabilize you" which meant inhabation, blood transfusion, catheter and iv's. This was gonna be my second fight to survive as i was pronounced and had died for 8 or so minutes. I remember them cutting into my right side and inserting a breathing tube. As they cut into my left side i remember hearing what sounded like a pitcher of water was dumped onto the floor all of the sudden i could breath again but the joy didn't last for long as the shoved 8 gauge tranfusion needles into my hips and catheter in.

It was then i started to feel 60% percent better soon after receiving 4 and a half litres of blood i started to feel the pain from the wounds for a short period of time before falling back asleep from whatever they injected into my iv my arm went cold and i vaguely remember being loaded into a chopper i remember seeing the helmet wearing medic and hearing the roar of the rotors then i drifted into unconciousness and dont remember much after that as after being transferred and operated on and in a coma for three days i remember waking back up in icu.

I survived i made it either due to prayers bye freinds or from people that had already passed telling god i wasnt done here yet. I now after countless surgeries and rehabilitation live and am able to walk and do close to what i used to except from the residual effects from being shot in the head/face my life is never gonna be the same trust and comfort are something thats gonna take a longtime to unlive but i feel in my heart i will. Ptsd is a horrible opponent but i know someday il be able to overcome it and pray that you will too.