Avoidance as a response to shock & how to get out of it?? (or how to resolve ptsd?!!)

[NatBird]

Hello

I'm in avoidance again. I don't know if I was ever out of it or whether I was in distraction. Anyway, I'm currently in the 'not doing, not doing and not doing'.

I sense this has come on strong as a response to all the abandonment and loss in my energetic field: psychiatric news about my mum has finally moved me into grieving the loss of never having a mum and leaves me feeling profoundly lost, like I don't know who I am. The first therapist I have attached to leaving in four months, the main source of funding for training course that has been so good for me and my healing not coming through so not sure if I can continue, the end of a potential relationship after many years of nothing, having to let go of a creative project because I am unable to do the work for it right now.

I just feel lost, don't know what I need go do, what I want to do, who I am. I feel like I need some practical help but feel like its asking someone to wipe my ass for me!
The only tool I have at my disposal is the hammer made of jelly otherwise known as avoidance.

In the past I have avoided because I don't want to experience loss. I have been engaging and experienced the inevitable loss. I just don't know how to move forward, how to not create more loss by not acting.
I sense partly this is a response to all that's going on. How to be with this and keep some action in the mix?

Can anyone relate to this? If so, how do you, have you worked through this?

 

[The Albatross]

Maybe you ought to work on self efficacy or autonomy? It could be a good way to wrap up the sessions with the therapist who'll be leaving?

"Resolving" PTSD is kinda a pie in the sky but... resolving to do and work through what you have to, in order to get to you're best/highest functional level is what I've done and am doing.

The way out of avoidance is to pick a direction and actually endeavor to do something about it. Some suggestions here? What small thing/s did you do today to chip away at your avoidance?

 

[NatBird]

Thanks @The Albatross
can you say a bit more about self autonomy and efficacy?

I already feel like I am doing what I can with some of these things: applying for funds for my course, seeking out a new therapist etc. or did you mean something else?

It's particular areas that I avoid. I'm not getting the autonomy thing.

The resolving was a joke as when I wrote my title I sense that was basically what I was asking!

 

[EveHarrington]

I think you're obsessing.

3 posts on avoidance in a day.

Maybe it would be better to just have one avoidance thread as its so confusing to read thread after thread about avoidance and you think you've replied but haven't.

 

[NatBird]

Hi @EveHarrington I think this relates to me posting whilst not logged in. As not aware I posted three times about avoidance in one day. I posted about authenticity and avoidance in connection to a relationship and avoidance in my day to day today.

Yes I am thinking about it a lot and maybe that's part of it.

@EveHarrington or yes another post avoidance and anorexia, okay perhaps obsessing!!

Went to follow up my funding application

Went for a meeting to begin to re evaluate goals and create structure

Arranged a meeting time for work

Cancelled a walk (maybe avoidant) but will be going to therapy assessment instead

Still avoiding my writing commitments:/
So much fear there.

I emailed that I didn't know what the hourly rate would be and asked advice, then I checked...

@Disco Dancing Queen hey congratulations:) and well done.

 

[The Albatross]

Autonomy & self-efficacy are both coming more from a place of self awareness of choice making and also self directedness or self confidence.

Here's an article on autonomy... I particularly like what it says down toward the end about the "microcompromises" and compromised autonomy. Not the one I was looking for but it will do: The Desire for Autonomy

"Self-efficacy is your belief about your ability to influence events that affect your life. Your self-efficacy beliefs determine how you think, feel, motivate yourself, and behave. If you have a strong sense of efficacy, then you approach difficult tasks as challenges to be mastered rather than as threats to be avoided." (Quote from Three Pillars for Building Self-Efficacy ) see also: 4 Ways to Develop Self-Efficacy Beliefs (Self-Esteem or Confidence)

 

[NatBird]

Autonomy & self-efficacy are both coming more from a place of self awareness of choice making and...

@The Albatross thank you.