General Bad News For Hubby

[amethist]

The question of his dads health has come up again after he went to see him on Saturday.

His dad is refusing to talk to anyone about all of this except for hubby, and you can imagine what this is doing to him. Its driving him mad, not fully knowing how bad it is, but it s bad.

So along with his nephew getting into there bank account and clearing them out, and them not wanting to do anything about it, "Because its family", and his dads prostate cancer, hubby is in a bad way.

 

[nursenurse]

So very sorry, Amethist. It's not fair for his Dad to place everything on your hubby, PTSD or not. In my own personal experience with my Ma, old age was a selfish time, but my Ma could not see what it was doing to me. Mild dementia at the end certainly did not help, but it was still very difficult not to be stressed. Even though my head knew not to take things personally, my human heart did upon occasion.

Does your hubby have any siblings he could lean on? Eventually I had to force my brother and my Ma to support each other a bit, I just could not do it all, especially once my own marriage failed and I took on a new job that required me to travel. It was difficult, but I had to tell her how it was for me, in a nice way of course, and hold my ground.

My heart goes out to you and your hubby. A little prayer going your way.

 

[amethist]

Does your hubby have any siblings he could lean on?

His dad has refused to discus it with anyone else. So you can imagine what that feels like, not being able to share it all, not that they would be much help.

 

[nursenurse]

Sometimes parental wishes cannot be adhered to. His siblings may pick up the slack this time around, if given the chance. And maybe not, but your hubby should not go it alone. Maybe he needs to tell Dad he can't do it by himself, but then I know how much PTSD folks hate confrontation, and it might open another can of worms that your mister can't deal with. Rock. Hard place. :poop:

 

[Toria]

Just catching up with this and agree completely with NurseNurse - Husband's mum has early stages of dementia and when he rings she throws it all at him - she's on the bottom, can't cope, weighs 5 stone, everyone's against her, they want to lock her up etc etc so we rush up there and she's fine! I don't know how to handle it any more than you do - but at least we're not in it alone. I hope that Hubby's dad isn't calling the party any time soon xxxxx

 

[amethist]

Hubby went to see his dad again today, first time for a few weeks, and the news is not good.

The cancer is now spreading and from what he has been told, he has maybe 5 years at best, but more likely only a couple.

As you can imagine hubby has got himself into a bit of a state about it and taken himself off to his garage. I can see it being one of those nights again.

 

[nursenurse]

I am so very sorry Amethist. Hugs and prayers for you both, I know it will not be easy for you.

 

[amethist]

Hubby is not coping well at all tonight. He is hurting that he is loosing his dad, just when he is building up a relationship again with him.

He has shut himself in the garage and is drinking himself silly. Here we go again.

 

[Abstract]

Oh dear. Good luck Amethist.

 

[amethist]

I feel this is not going to have a good ending at all.

We know his dad is dying and it is only a matter of time, what time we don't really know.

What I do know is that hubby is hurting and there is nothing I can do to stop it. The drinking is his way of coping right now, and all I can do is sit back and wait for him to come to me for help.

He has said he will deal with the drinking once his dad has gone.

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

I am sorry. Is there any way for him to get help?

 

[nursenurse]

I am again so sorry Amethist. The problem is the amount of time he will regress back into a sodden mess. If Dad lives a year, two years or more , and your hubby chooses to knowingly continue with alcohol as his main coping mechanism, he may not be able to work on it when all is said and done. You must be frightened, I would think. And then, how much can you take? There is only so much dirt you can sweep into that dustpan.

I so admire you.:hug: