Being Totally Honest

[anthony]

Tell your therapist... it shouldn't change anything they probably already don't expect. People in the job aren't typically new to such things. Not if working in trauma.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I think you need to talk about it when you feel safe and ready to do so. You are struggling with it so it is a problem for you. But you sound like you are not ready to discuss it. So take good care of yourself and do nice things for yourself. You will talk about it when you get sick and tired of being sick and tired. The pain of it will motivate you. At least this is how it works in my life.

I am sure you are doing the best you can at the moment. I am sad that you are not ready. I hate to see you self harm. I hate to see anyone do that. Big hugs.

 

[piratelady]

I go back to therapy again tomorrow. I am going to tell him about the cutting and be honest about the extent of my depression. I am beginning to realize some things are too much for me to fix all on my own no matter how many questions I ask here or how much I try to identify the root cause of an issue.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am happy for you. We are not meant to heal alone. We got messed up by people and we will get healing from people. I wish you the best.

 

[surviving_it_all]

I tell my therapist as much as I am able to. The reality is they cant help us unless they we let them into what we are truly dealing with. Sometimes, it drives me nuts the way my therapist treats me as if I am lying...sometimes.. I know they have to ask the same questions over and over ...but it drives me up a wall. I hate having someone analyze me, but what can I do. I even tell him the shit I dont want him to know like the fact that I HATE THERAPY. It sucks having another person guide you through your thinking process. I hate it, but without therapy I know I would have already be hospitalized for this or worse. So, keep in mind that therapy is meant to help you. If you hide things that you know are part of the disease, then how can they help you.

 

[piratelady]

Failed. Again. I think I will have to simply email him since I can't bring myself to say anything. I don't see him again for a week and a half. I just wish I could fix all of this on my own and didn't need help.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Be prepared for safety contracts. I HATED those, ugggghhhh!

 

[nimkekaa]

Maybe you can combine a couple ideas mentioned above. Email your T and let him know that you have in the past and have just started cutting again. Then let him know how stressful you find it to talk about it. Let him know how much shame you carry about doing it.

Then ask if maybe you could talk about how to stop the "ruminating thoughts" as you put it, that lead to the cutting. Maybe your T has a way to bring up the topic to make it more comfortable. Chances are he has had this kind of issue come up before. Self injurious behaviour is more common then people like to think.

I hope that you find a way to bring this to your T's attention. It is obviously causing you stress.

Big Hugs for you if you need them!

 

[piratelady]

Sol: I've heard about those and always thought they seemed silly. My previous therapists knew and never tried that. Well, they never really addressed it at all. I just feel so much like I should be able to get passed this on my own. Almost like if I could do it on my own it would be more meaningful for me. I don't know that I am explaining this well.

 

[piratelady]

Nimkekaa: Thank you for the response. Yes, I think you are right, that I should explain it fully. I think that would make this a little easier. Most of my stress is simply the fact that I have cut again. I feel like a failure for not being able to handle the stress better. I also worry that he will tell me I am too broken and beyond fixing. I always try to downplay my problems for fear that I will be turned away. The more I think this through, the more complicated it seems....

 

[nimkekaa]

I too have struggled with feeling like I have failed because I couldn't find an appropriate way to deal with things.

It's funny though, because if I think of someone I know and then think of all the things I have been through and ask myself if I would think of them as a failure for not having a better coping strategy, I find my self saying. Of course not.

And the being turned away thing has actually happened to me. But I can honestly respect a T that can admit their limitations. It would not do anyone any good to try and fake being able to help you.

Chances are though, as I said above, your T has probably been through this before. And if your T is any good at all he will be very happy that you are able to trust him enough to share this with him even it is by writing.

Hugs

 

[piratelady]

It only took me a few weeks and a pile of courage...I sent an email to my therapist today to advise him of the self-harm. I downplayed it A LOT. I imagine we'll discuss when I go back in a couple weeks. I am anxious just sending the email. I think it is better to have said something than to pretend all is well when in fact it isn't. I am seriously dreading my next appointment now.