Hi piratelady,
This is an issue I fear I will always be struggling with. I've been dealing with it since I was a toddler, and, now in my forties, it's still a daily battle that I lose at least five days of every f'n week. My personal opinion is that the more we start working on and/or bringing up difficult memories, the more the compulsion is there. So, it's a give and take. I could deny or dissociate every thing that's happened (and, perhaps, stop with the self-injuring) but, then, engage in other behaviours that might get me into even more troubles.
One thing that helped me understand why it's so damned difficult to stop is that -- what I used to think was just a lack of self-will -- has a biological component. Our bodies' endorphins surge (kind of like a drug, but, one that requires no prescription) when we cut or pick (or whatever our technique). I first learned about this from a book that I read several years ago. While I don't agree with everything in the book, there was one chapter that I found immensely helpful. The book is The Bright Red Scar. The chapter I referred to above and "liked" was chapter 5, "The Body Keeps Score -- The Psychobiology of Trauma."
It might be too trigger-(un)happy for you to read right now, and it's now at least ten years old (so, I'm sure more up-to-date studies have been done since its publication). I'm just passing it on in case you might be interested.
I celebrate you :tup: for being so candid with us and starting the discussion, as slowly as you need to, with your T.
