Relationship Best guy i ever met-shut me out

[Serendipity424]

I have never belonged to a forum or have requested support before. I need this now because I am confused. About a month ago I met this amazing man, sweet, kind, great dad. I have issues I was dealing with and opened up to him about them..he was very understanding and that is when he let me know he is not perfect either and he has PTSD, shaking hands, amongst other things. I really did not know at that moment what PTSD was. I briefly read about it and really didn't ask him what to expect. Everything was perfect so perfect this past week he told me he was so falling in love with me. I told him I did not expect that and he said good or bad not expecting....I didn't know how to respond at first as I was not sure how I felt...then he sent me shortly after this amazing message how he never met anyone like me and I was amazing and perfect for him. The next day was different, he seemed distance. He disabled his Facebook and wasn't responding like he normally was with texts. So I texted him and said we can talk in the morning and sweet dreams. No response at all so I became worried and it took about 10 phone calls until he finally called back. I stressed I was really worried because that was not like him. He then said his phone died and will call me when he gets home. I told him he didn't have to because I know his little one had not been with him all day and would need his attention ( he took this as I told him don't bother calling:() He then messaged me that night and said he was upset and would text me in the morning. He never did. That was five days ago and I miss hearing from him and I am worried. Will he talk to me again?? Never felt this way about anyone....was it my reaction to him telling me he was falling in love???

 

[Buttercup]

I'm going to be super blunt here. My advice? Let him go. Don't analyze why because it doesn't matter. It's very early days for you now, so before you get caught up even more, now is a good time to walk away.

That is unless you can handle this yo-yo pattern. Unless that is something you want to deal with. Something you're prepared to do. The roller coaster of emotions and heartbreak time after time.

I see that pattern happening in your story very clearly. It has happened to me and it is very difficult.

He may come back and speak to you. I think he probably will eventually, but we can never know. But if he does, and he tells you the same stuff about how he loves you and wants to he with you, that doesn't mean that this won't happen again. In fact, it most probably will.

If you're up for that, then wait for him to contact you. You can let him know here and there that you are there for him. But don't freak out and barrage him with calls and texts. That will only keep him away longer.

 

[Serendipity424]

Thank you for the advice, I appreciate it. However it does matter to me and I don't want to give up. I feel we we started talking for a reason, we both need each other in some way and I know it will not be easy as I have been researching a lot the past 5 days. I just hope he will talk to me again. I am still trying to understand, he said he had never been happier ever, no one had ever made him as happy as I did and said I made him feel good about himself which no one does....I can't walk away from him. He needs to hear how beautiful he is no matter what!!

 

[Serendipity424]

Everyone always gives up on him. I will not!!

 

[Serendipity424]

I also want to add, I think something happened early that day that set him off and he shut everyone out... I do not believe it was anything I said or didn't say, but cannot be sure of that since we never even had a disagreement at all. I could tell something was wrong with his short responses but the morning was perfect, I talked to him on the phone and then went to work and that is when I did not hear from him for hours which was unusual. So could something else have triggered this and he just needs some time from everyone?

 

[Buttercup]

I don't think you will be able to understand it. At least I haven't. Well I do understand it but it only makes me feel better sometimes to know why.

It is very confusing and that confusion is all part of that roller coaster. In my situation, one of the reasons my guy does it is due to the stress cup overflow. I'm the first to go. Read about that here if you haven't already.

In my case, there are even other reasons. But it still sucks and is far from a healthy relationship. Is he in any treatment? Meds? Some factors to consider as well.

It's very heavy. More heavy times than fun times, that's for sure.

 

[Serendipity424]

He doesn't seem to seek help, he is no longer taking meds. I know we all wish there was something we can do for them and I know there is not but is giving up and letting go the answer? I am 14 years older than him and I have not been in a relationship for 8 years until he walked into mine. It Seemed so perfect, so much in common, yet so different it was a good balance. He was open about a lot however I didn't know what to expect when something did trigger, I didn't know calling and texting could make it worse, I am ok with letting him have space if he had just said something. He is pretty special and is it is a roller coaster I have to be on then that is what I will do... just need some advice and support for that:)

 

[Sweetpea76]

If you want to be in a relationship with a PTSD sufferer you're going to have to learn to relax.

Their stress response is broken. Your stress makes them stress. It's going to snowball into a big mess. Relationship drama doesn't work.

 

[Buttercup]

@Sweetpea76 those Are great words of advice and very simple. Wish I'd learned this months ago. I would have saved both of us a lot of heartache.

Still, it's not always easy to follow because every relationship will come up against one issue or another. It's a delicate stance to take and know when you might overthrow that tenuous peace. I don't know if I would ever be able to figure it out.

 

[Deadman]

He doesn't seem to seek help, he is no longer taking meds.

That should tell you everything you need to know. If he has nothing left for himself he has nothing left for you.

 

[LuckiLee]

Hi and welcome. One month is a very short time to become so wrapped up in someone. And he's already pushed you away. RED FLAG! You're new here so I suggest reading all you can about PTSD. It's a very difficult life to live both for the sufferer and the supporter. You say he's untreated. RED FLAG! Also a deal breaker for me. Good luck. We're here if you need us! ✌ &❤

 

[Serendipity424]

We were not linked to any social media so

Hi and welcome. One month is a very short time to become so wrapped up in someone. And he's already pus...

I definitely understand 1 month is a very short time but spending all those hours opening up to someone and telling them things you never thought you would tell anyone, really gets you hooked. I never thought it would but it happened:( now I don't want to give up on him because he really doesn't have anyone. I just don't know what to do? Do you think based on others stories and issues he will talk to me again and I feel this has nothing to do with me at all unless and something else he went through that afternoon. I just do not know. I am being patient and waiting for him but my mind is going crazy wishing I knew he was ok and what set him off, I may never know..... thanks for the support!! I needed it.:)