Relationship Best guy i ever met-shut me out

[Serendipity424]

I agree with @tiredtexan... nobody is trying to be negative or malicious

@Sweetpea76 I never implied anyone was being negative or malicious. I appreciate all the feedback.

 

[Serendipity424]

I agree with @tiredtexan... nobody is trying to be negative or malicious

@Sweetpea76 you definitely make sense. I was just trying to make sense of this and understand what someone goes through. I listen to both sides and I will just hope, I know there is no real answer and I know there is so much to learn. I just feel whatever I need to do, even if it is being there when he finally needs an ear, a friend or whatever that may be I would like to be the one. I know most cannot understand why and I feel there was a reason we were brought together. I am not sure I do not have any answers, I do want to hear the stories both the hard, blunt, good, happy anything that will help me in my journey with him. I am not expecting things to be perfect. I just want to be there if the time comes he needs that.

so you are saying with the sweet sayings he can feel that way and mean it one day and then he says not so nice things the next, that is what he did, was it to push me away or was it just to get me to leave him alone?

Thank you, I really honestly do appreciate the conversations and guidance of everyone here. It helps just to talk about it.

 

[LuckiLee]

I agree with @tiredtexan... nobody is trying to be negative or malicious

Sweetpea, you rock!! ✌ &❤ to you and your Veteran!!

 

[Serendipity424]

Please tell me where I referenced negativity or anyone being malicious? I am here for advice and help like a lot of us:)

 

[LuckiLee]

Please tell me where I referenced negativity or anyone being malicious? I am here for advice and...

I was just telling sweet pea.... She rocks!!

 

[Parley]

I don't understand how anyone can form an intimate relationship these days. this constant instant contact is hard. I'm curious, did you leave a message the first ten times you called him? did you abuse the texting at the same time or after he backed off? You keep talking about his needs and using it as an excuse for your behavior. Maybe you could find a therapist to help you navigate this situation because dating shouldn't be this complicated. I'd be gone but I don't have a lot of patience and I'm not a Combat Veteran.

 

[anthony]

dating shouldn't be this complicated

It shouldn't be, however, what is laid out in this thread is repetitive process where the majority are male combat veterans and females who feel loved in a short period and believe they can fix the veteran.

Read through threads -- same story over and over with this situation. Combat veterans, especially males, have a very predictive pattern as a majority when PTSD is not being actively dealt with, instead the veteran is coping.

The whole thing is a facade based on what the veteran wants in life, but accepting quickly they aren't able to cope with it, thus the love followed swiftly by destruction, pattern occurs.

 

[Sweetpea76]

so you are saying with the sweet sayings he can feel that way and mean it one day and then he says not so nice things the next, that is what he did, was it to push me away or was it just to get me to leave him alone?

What I'm saying is there is know way of knowing. It could be anything. I believe what my vet tells me. He has PTSD, but his brain still works. It's not like devil possession where he doesn't know what he's saying. If he says he needs space, it means he needs space. If he says I'm making him angry, I'm making him angry... even if I didn't really do anything worth getting angry over. He is still angry with me. He says what he means. I don't go looking for hidden meanings or signals.

 

[Serendipity424]

What I'm saying is there is know way of knowing. It could be anything. I believe what my vet tells m...

I understand that, thank you. He didn't say anything just stopped talking to me. Until yesterday he said "I miss talking to you, I really do" but you over reacted when my phone died, I wasn't mad or hurt or anything, I just stressed I was worried that I did not hear from him but a couple days prior he was saying things to me that were sweet and asked if I had a replacement at work for our date this Thursday...but still seemed a bit distant until later that evening. He did mention money and how he had to pay for something and that left him short... maybe he was stressing about our date, money and other things and he couldn't handle it any longer at that point. He was out during that entire day looking for some side work.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Ok, so he said he is stressed. He was stressed by the barrage of calls and texts.

I'd say that's what he means. Problem solved, right?

Don't want it to happen again? Don't do that again.

Remember when I said upthread you'd have to relax? You freaked out and carpet bombed him with calls and texts because you were worried. That made him freak out. A = B.

His stress response is broken. He can't process that amount of your stress/issue/emotion, what have you.

 

[LuckiLee]

This may be hard to hear....

You state you were married and the last 8 years were loveless.

You have been starving for attention. Someone finally showed you some and you pounced. I think you could have even scared off someone without PTSD.
Give the guy some breathing room and put all of this energy into yourself.
Hugs to you!

 

[Parley]

The whole thing is a facade based on what the veteran wants in life, but accepting quickly they aren't able to cope with it, thus the love followed swiftly by destruction, pattern occurs.

Yeah~ I understand the veteran façade well.