Relationship Bf breaks up with me days after ptsd diagnosis

[MEF]

Some background info. He’s is army Special Forces and has deployed many times. He is in a 4 week inpatient program out of state through the VA. We’ve been together for 8 months and are in love & committed.

He was diagnosed with PTSD within the first few days of treatment. Over the weekend he is allowed to leave the hospital. We talk everyday but I couldn’t reach him starting Friday morning. In the middle of the night Friday/Saturday I get a text “I love you babe”. Then total silence. I was a wreck!

Sunday night I get a text saying he wants to end things. He told me he couldn’t explain why but that he means everything he’s ever told me. He’s sorry for hurting me and to please not call because he can’t handle it.

I was in total shock. I had just met his daughter (he’s never introduced her to anyone and she lives out of state), he’d just told me how much he loved me and our relationship and we were making plans to go away when he got back.

He finally calls me and says he doesn’t know what’s happening. He reached out to a girl from his past he’s always thought of and they spent the weekend together. He admits to feeling guilty about cheating and told me it had nothing to do with love. Then..the kicker...he might be making the biggest mistake of his life but he has to pursue things with her.

I love this man with all of my heart. I know he’s overwhelmed, depressed and struggling. I told him I love him and I’m here to support him. He’s completely shut down and will read my messages but doesn’t respond. What can I do?

 

[littleoc]

This might not have much to do with PTSD, to be honest with you.

Sounds like he loves you but has stronger feelings for someone else. It happens.

There's not really anything that can be done, if that's his decision.

I'm sorry you're going through this. It sounds so confusing. Hugs, if accepted.

 

[MEF]

Maybe I should have mentioned he hasn’t seen or spoken to this person in 8 yesrs

 

[littleoc]

Maybe I should have mentioned he hasn’t seen or spoken to this person in 8 yesrs

Wow, that's a long time.

Something similar happened to me with an ex. She cheated on me with her ex... from middle school.

I assumed for a while that she was having a moment and would get over it. I eventually had to accept that it was her decision, and move on.

I'm sorry

 

[MEF]

The hardest part is he was robotic when he told me. He’s still at the va. She doesn’t live anywhere near us and he told me he’s might be making the biggest mistake of his life

 

[littleoc]

So, he's being impulsive?

I'd be worried about him too.

I wish I had better advice, but it's possible someone else on the forum with more experience may come and help too.

But unless he's in danger, I'm not sure there's much that can be done, even if he is being impulsive. But, he did choose to spend a weekend with her, did choose to cheat, and did hurt you and caused you a lot of worry.

Since it happened so recently, it's possible you will hear about new developments or not.

You said his diagnosis is new. I've heard of sufferers abandoning relationships out of fear -- but I can't tell if this is what's happening for not.

I wish for the best outcome for you both. This sounds so tough.

 

[MEF]

Yes it’s very new and he had told the therapist she was wrong and he didn’t have it

 

[MEF]

Yes totally impulsive. This is someone he met during a deployment 8 yrs ago. His personality has completely flipped. I did message him that I loved him snd I’d be here if he needs to talk

 

[Mytime]

@MEF welcome to the forum. I’m sorry your hurting and confused. I know you don’t understand his choice or his behaviour. PTSD doesn’t make you cheat. He chose to cheat, he got in contact with her. You deserve to be treated with respect and valued. He’s not doing that. I really feel you should move on and leave him behind. I know it hurts and it’s hard but you can find happiness with someone who truly loves you. His actions are not of love.
Sometimes actions are stronger then words. Sending a hug if you except.

 

[Friday]

Option A

It’s called an exit affair.

It’s a way of thoroughly breaking up with someone who doesn’t want to be broken up with, or you don’t want to break up with but need to / have decided to : by f*cking someone else then breaking up with them, instead of the other way around. Similar to moving out while they’re at work and leaving the country. It’s a deliberate betrayal to draw a hard line underscoring that you’re now broken up. Either for you, them, or both of you. Not only are we broken up, but I’ve already slept with someone else and am off the market/in a relationship. There’s no going back. No fixing things. We’re not taking a break, or slowing things down, we’re done.

Option B

True love. Your brand new relationship vs someone he’s known & loved & been separated from for years. Given the second chance to go for it? He’s done the honorable thing by breaking up with you as soon as he realized that this is what he wants, rather than stringing you along dating both of you / cheating on you... & is going for it.

A = He’s leaving you. And wanted a nail in the coffin.
B = He’s being with her. And broke things off with you the first chance he had.

A dick way to end things, or an honorable way to begin things? I don’t know.

Wildly different motives. Same end result.

My condolences.

 

[MEF]

@MEF welcome to the forum. I’m sorry your hurting and confused. I know you don’t...

I get the cheating part and appreciate your perspective. I just don’t know why he’d tell me he loves me, introduce me to his daughter & comment that this might be the biggest mistake of his life

 

[MEF]

Option A

It’s called an exit affair.

It’s a way of thoroughly breaking up with someone who doesn...

If it’s true love why not reach out when he was single over the last 8 yrs?