ED Binge eating ? overeating ?

[Venator]

Does anyone else here eat for comfort or even suffer from binge eating disorder?

I feel like I need to talk to someone about this. Please mind the rant.

From a young age (around 10-11) I recall eating for comfort, but not sitting there enjoying the food - stuffing thing after thing into my face until it was painful and difficult to breathe.

I will often eat, sit for two hours, then sneak out of the house and go to the drive through and get a big food combo. I will eat all of the food as fast as I can, sometimes swallowing only after one or two chews and chug all of the soda. I do this so nobody knows I am eating it - it is shameful and I do it in secret. There have been times that I've hit different restaurants - ie, Large Baconator combo from Wendy's, 5 pc nuggets then to taco bell for 3 burritos and cinnamon twists, mcdonalds for 99 cent hamburgers etc.

I have broken this cycle once again, counting calories, drinking black coffee or just with a little milk instead of soda etc. I have noticed that once I hit a weight - about 220 lbs to 218 lbs, I will feel panicked and hungry all the time and binge eat until I balloon back up to about 260. I have been considering that perhaps subconsciously I want to make myself unattractive so I am not a target (I was about 210 lbs when I was targeted before by my abuser). When I was down to 218 and feeling good I was at a bar after a protest when a guy was hitting on me, grabbed my head and kissed me hard, couldn't push him away. I didn't feel too panicked, was too drunk for anxiety. But right after that, I bounced way back up again.

That was random. Anyway... discuss if you want haha

 

[Lucycat]

Well done for sharing that.
EDs are hard. I do not have one, but suffered confusion about my behaviour until my T said that my vomiting was a kind of self harm. I did wonder if I had some kind of Bulimia, but as I don't have the urge to binge he said no.

I am currently reading the autobiography of Gok Wan. He had difficulties with eating / weight/ sense of identity. It is a good read - very easy to follow and quite light hearted despite the difficulties he clearly had. It is quite inspirational - I would highly recommend it if you've not already read it.:)

 

[fairydust]

I don't have an Ed but I do tend to go to extremes with my eating without realizing it. When I'm stressed I seem to forget to eat or just not prioritise it. When I'm more relaxed I just love to eat. I think for me when I'm feeling down I get focussed on what I "don't deserve" and since I eating is something I enjoy I just don't do it.

It's unfortunate for me that i'm always 5 kgs heavier when things are good! :)

 

[cherryblossom]

Hi Venator

You have just described me exactly, except my comfort eating /over eating / binge eating didn't start until my mid to late twenties, which also corresponded to the noticeable start of (delayed onset) PTSD symptoms (I was raped when I was 20).

Other wise, everything you have said is spot on for me too. Excess weight keeps me hidden from unwanted male attention. For me, it's also parts of depression, filling a void, and basically a very low self esteem/ self worth. But also the weight keeps me 'stuck' there. I hate being so over weight, I hate my body - which only adds to my isolation and low self esteem. A very vicious cycle which is hard to break.

I commend you for bringing this topic up, because for me, it's something I find very hard to discuss.

 

[Nyx]

In high-school I was told I had EDONS, eating disorder otherwise not specified. I stopped eating but not because of any interdiction, just because I lost my sense of hunger. I don't know if it's really an ED... I got past it with a lot of effort and perfusions. I got my sense of hunger back about two years ago, and started to eat uncontrollably out of fear - I feared if I didn't eat as soon as I got hungry I would lose the hunger feeling again. I went through a paranoid period and a lot of weight gain. Now, when I am under pressure I forget to eat for two-three days, but then I get back to normal. Is it ED? I don't think so, but I know it's about eating and I know it's triggered by stress...

 

[Venator]

-nod- thanks for your input everyone.

I think they are considered "disordered eating habits" but not necessarily an eating disorder?

 

[leanne1321]

I'm a starver, which is really bad when I'm naturally very thin. My usual weight is 8 1/2 stone but I've been as low as 5 1/2 as an adult. I looked so gaunt and bony it was disgusting!

 

[Nyx]

I think they are considered "disordered eating habits" but not necessarily an eating disorder?

Thanks, didn't know that. One question for you: do you think you could stop at 220 lbs? Even for a while? (what is 220 lbs in kilos?)

 

[Venator]

Yeah my therapist always tells me you can have habits and symptoms of something, but not necessarily be completely disordered.

99.7 kilos. I think I'll stop at 220 this time and try to get my head straight. It's going to be a hell of a fight.

 

[Nyx]

99.7 kilos. I think I'll stop at 220 this time and try to get my head straight. It's going to be a hell of a fight.

Put 'em up! :girlfight::)

Maybe you could try to be a bit more strict with your diet once you hit 220, keep a calendar, anything that will help you maintain your weight for a while. Even if you slip, dust yourself off and go on with your plan! You can do it!

 

[Venator]

Thank you. I think what irritates me is the fact that I know I can lose the weight, I have no medical problems preventing me from losing the weight - I just lose my mind.

 

[Nyx]

Don't put yourself down like that... It's not that you lose your mind, it's something your subconscious tells you to do, so you do it. The important thing is that you now know that you do that, so you can prevent it from happening. It's gonna be a tough fight, but you now proceed armed with knowledge about your behavior. That's an important step:thumbsup: