Bipolar Bipolar messing with my head

[Deleted member 10686]

I am on meds, meds tht have actually been helping me for the last few months. Things are starting to go downhill. Or up. Or all over the place. I was on top of the world feeling great all day until I took the plunge into depression worse than I've had in a while. Felt like I was rolling down a steep hill fast. I don't even know how I am at this moment. I hate this crazy feeling. I feel like my brain is trying to go down really deep into depression, but my meds are trying to force me up, and I feel like my brain is going to be ripped apart. I'm so extremely depressed and yet I want to do reckless things and stay up all night decorating, thoughts racing, uppity, and all of these manic like things. I don't feel very fantastic at all. I can't get myself to talk to anyone about it. But I'm so alone.

 

[catjudo]

It may not be because of the medication per se. There are what are referred to as mixed episodes...where a person has some of the traits of depression and mania simultaneously. Maybe this is what is going on for you? In my opinion, mixed episodes can feel far worse than just depression or just mania. You might want to check in with your doctor.

 

[Deleted member 10686]

I explained to the best of my ability what was going on to my p-doc just the other day.. She upped my dose of geodon which she said should help within a day or two at the most but it's so far not helping, I've just been getting worse.

 

[Deleted member 10686]

I think you're right about the mixed episode. It's very not fun :( idk how to handle it it's crazy

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

You may need your medication dose changed. Agree with @catjudo time to contact your doctor. Mixed episode are dangerous, if I remember correctly it has a higher rate of suicide. How long have you been having them (if that is what they are)?

Edited to add: Just read the new post. How long have you been taking the medication your doctor gave you?

 

[Deleted member 10686]

I have been on geodon (as well as other meds) for about 6 months. She just upped the geodon by 40 mg, 3 days ago.

The problem is also that I'm trying to deal with this and my therapist keeps flaking on me to the point where I need a new therapist. So I'm not getting any help there.

 

[Deleted member 10686]

I've been in this mixed episode for about 2 weeks. Gradually getting more intense

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Did you doctor mention going to the hospital to you? 2 weeks is a long time and you said it's getting worse.

 

[Deleted member 10686]

I'm not a harm to myself or others.

 

[EvenStrongerNow]

So sorry you are going through this right now. Have you checked back in with your pdoc? Like, do you have a way to get ahold of her in case of emergency?

 

[roaminggnome]

You are not alone. Definitely get in touch with your pdoc as soon as possible. I just recognized my first manic episode (it's been happening for years but this is the first time I recognized it) followed by me crashing with SI and getting very depressed. I can't imagine a mixed episode-my heart goes out to you. What I just experienced was scary to say the least. My thoughts are with you. Please take care of yourself.

 

[Deleted member 10686]

Thank you, I'm feeling a bit better now, I even got a temporary job, so I'm doing alright.

Isn't it crazy when you start to really recognize your cycling/episodes?! If I had known what this was 10 years ago..