Body Piercings

[digger]

I have several piercings. They are not to scare people away from me - I haven't found that they do although maybe I just don't notice ;) They are not related to self harm - I am a self harmer and if anything it is opposite to that for me. They are a positive thing. Things I chose for myself. I do not hide behind them. They bring me out to the front of myself. I like piercings, simple as - I like them on other people too. The ones on my face were actually more treats to myself than anything else. Saved up for, given to myself in difficult times. Self care, not self harm.

I would like tattoos, and find them interesting on other people. They usually tell a story. Again when I do get around to it it will be a treat to myself. A positive thing.

I have no idea if the abuse plays any part in these choices - certainly not consciously.

 

[marylouise]

I had a boyfriend when I was younger who had tattoos and piercings as part of a serious engagement with what he called "pain states". He was interested in the psychology and physiology of pain, how it enhances our mental and physical awareness. Many indigenous cultures have rituals, such as ritual piercing, in which intense pain leads into trance states. He would meditate on a b&w photograph of a nude man strung up by a meat hook in his chest. It's an iconic photo some of you might have seen, taken in the desert of the American Southwest.

He and I played some "games" with pain, more anticipatory for me than actual. For example, "how do you feel if I bring this knife to your naked belly and what if I run the edge of the blade over it or even if I pierce the flesh sightly?" He never hurt me, though I did "hurt" him, at his request. It was a strangely healing experience. I think I learned that pain is a part of everyday life and nothing to be afraid of.

As far as I know, he had no explicit trauma history, though he was raised by two alcoholics who screwed him up bad. I sometimes wondered about the differences between us, me with my trauma history & a repulsion to pain, him with a drive to experience (& overcome) pain. He's now a body worker, interestingly enough.

 

[marylouise]

I thought people interested in this topic may appreciate this book:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Modern_Primitives_(book)

I am interested in this thread. I think body modification can be transformative, and is used by many in that way. It makes sense that trauma survivors would be drawn to it. Our instincts are precious, and it seems many approach this instinctually. Certainly, these practices have been important to indigenous people in ritual, allowing them a "passing through" from one state to the next.

 

[Sandstone]

I find extensive tattooing or multiple piercing quite disturbing. They seem to me to express inner pain and a desire to turn against the body or against "normal" society. But I wouldn't make assumptions about whether I'd like or dislike, approve or disapprove of the person behind them based solely on that.

I wouldn't do it myself, but then I'm not very brave - it took until I was in my late twenties to get my ears pierced at all. And I would worry about how any body mod. would look on old wrinkled skin

 

[silkleaves]

I once dated a guy who, and I am likely under-estimating rather than exaggerating, had at least 20 piercings in his face, and uh...many...many more on the rest of his body. I personally freak out at the thought of getting piercings (I even hate it that my ears were pierced as a baby and have never liked wearing earrings) but I *love* seeing them on others. He was actually a super happy go lucky super cool guy, granted maybe I didn't know him on a deeper level for why he would get so many piercings, but the funny part was, he had no tattoos...those scared him. So he admired my tattoos and I admired his piercings and kinda saw each other as braver than our own selves.

Even before I was really exposed to anyone with tattoos or piercings, it never really disturbed me or made me think any kind of way about people with them. I guess in a way, because I've always felt like I was so different from everyone else on the inside, it did not stand out to me to see someone who was different from everyone else on the outside. Stuff like that has never really mattered to me.

I used to live in upstate NY, farm country, I used to pass by about 3 or 4 farms on the long drive to work every day lol and very conservative, not a progressive little town at all. Kiddo was about 3 at the time, we went grocery shopping and in the store was a guy who had tattoos and a couple of facial piercings, oh and bright purple..could have been blue hair. People who walked past him would stop and do a double take, yeah definitely looking at him with disgust.

I was a bit mortified that kiddo was staring him down all wide-eyed...and by the time we crossed paths with each other, her mouth was literally wide open. And I was having a...omg please don't say something embarrassing kiddo! moment haha! But just as he passed us she whispered very loudly, as kids do...he must be *REALLY* rich...he wears jewelry on his face!!!!! And then wondered if he got his pretty purple hair from his mom or his dad. Behind me, I could hear him cracking up so hard.

He stopped me later to say that kiddo totally made his day :) I mean, who knows why he decided to look so different, in a place where you never see stuff like that, but I have to say, I admired him..well, I admire anyone who isn't afraid to do whatever feels right for them to do, whatever their personal reasons are for doing them.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

I guess in a way, because I've always felt like I was so different from everyone else on the inside, it did not stand out to me to see someone who was different from everyone else on the outside. Stuff like that has never really mattered to me.

This is exactly it, personally I feel different on the inside and feel like my outside is lying, I want to match them up a bit. I don't want 20 piercings on my face just a few, though I am not judgemental for or against that. Mostly for me it's an appealing look, the people thing is only a bonus for me and you sound like you are my kind of person @silkleaves and maybe it's coincidental but because of your acceptance for me to make my own choices (because you valued your friend despite his piercings and see past that to the personality), I don't think you'd be judgemental of who I am as a person if you got to know me, or nasty about my mental health or personal history. Though perhaps these are sweeping generalisations and I'm being niaeve, I don't know.

 

[silkleaves]

Awe thanks @Kas_Can_Fly , nah you are not being naive, you have me pegged lol Really though, my belief is that as long as someone is a good person, and the things they do come from a good heart and they mean no harm, then I'm cool with them. That's something that was really important to me to teach kiddo too...who cares what someone looks like, dresses like, what they are into etc... are they a decent human being? That's what matters. And you have to get to know someone to find that out...so sizing up a person on sight and making assumptions about them is a no go in our value system.

I really have my mother to thank for that though...growing up, I constantly heard her passing judgement on people, seeing a passerby and making fun of them or making rude comments, assuming that because someone does something, or lives their life in a way she chooses not to, then they are wrong and disgusting / bad / etc. It was one of her many "delightful" personality traits that grated my very last ever-loving nerve...I never was able to wrap my brain around why it was so important to her to be so nasty towards people she didn't even know. I just knew I didn't want to grow up to be like that and treat people that way.

 

[Britt.f7]

I pierced my ears twice and couldn't get over it. So I let two of them close so it was a more "normal" ear. I know I could not do any of those body modifications, even though I am damaged. Tattoos seem normal to me, everyone in my family has one, but I couldn't do it. I simply change my mind too much. Hence my ears.

I don't know what to think when I see people with extensive piercings, or even one unusual one. My therapist has a little one in her nose. Like I said, my family seems to like all this. I don't know that it makes a difference if you are damaged or not. I'm sure they would not think they are damaged. Though questionable at times, I don't think they are.

I do become curious when I see people outside the norm. Including my family members. But I don't think I look down on them. No reason to do so. Everybody's body is their own to do with it as they please. Can't argue with that.

 

[rightkindofme]

I've spent a lot of time near the Modern Primitive/ and/or bdsm communities so I know a lot of people who treat their bodies like canvases to decorate. I don't know that piercings have a higher than average correlation with trauma. I've never seen anything beyond "theories" and my experience in those communities is that most people had reasonable lives.

There are as many reasons to pierce or tattoo as there are people doing it. :) I've had 17 piercings *reject* so I'm done trying to pierce myself. I'm left with one that lives in me full time. I have one (excessively large) tattoo and I think I'm good. :)

 

[Hashi]

I couldn't believe how much it hurt when I had my ears pierced. It was like an alarm going off. Looking back, that's interesting because it's when I was very dissociated and had a high pain threshold. I feel that it was because it was a body modification that it cut through my dissociation. Possibly, it was fairly normal pain but I wasn't used to feeling pain much at all.

I also hated the feeling of having holes in my ears and putting something in them. It felt so wrong, having made holes in myself felt wrong, all of it. I soon let them close up.

Some time later I planned to get a tattoo and had an appointment booked, design decided, everything. My friend and I had been drawing practice tattoos on ourselves with physiotherapy skin markers for months and I was all set for this. The night before I had a really bad dream about it - about doing it and regretting what I'd done to my body. So I cancelled. (The friend is now covered in them, I have none although I used temporary tattoos for quite a while.)

I respect that every person will react differently and give a different meaning to piercings and tattoos. For me personally, it's more abuse and disfigurement of my natural body. It feels really wrong to me, for me.

 

[Hashi]

I think I'm also influenced by the Japanese tradition (I have connections with Japan) where tattoos are strongly associated with Yakuza gang members, and go together with chopping off one of your fingers as a gesture of commitment.

 

[rightkindofme]

I live in California, in the Bay Area. Most of the soccer moms have at least one tattoo and stretched ear holes. Our "upper middle class" is all decorated.