Relationship Boyfriend saw therapist today for the first time...

[Sandstone]

I spoke to him this morning and I was feeling low. When I feel low, sometimes he can’t handle it and he is just really abrupt with me. He keeps saying ‘I have to take care of myself and hearing you unhappy and sad makes me feel so extremely guilty’

Does it help to compare it to physical illness? If he was seriously injured and in Intensive Care, you wouldn't ask anything of him, but you would want to give him anything he needed. You wouldn't ask him for a hug if it hurt him to move. You'd look for support from fiends and family. Starting therapy is like uncovering life threatening wounds, and not knowing if you will survive it.

But I'm looking at it from a sufferers viewpoint, and I know I can be selfish whenI'm in pain.

 

[BoyfriendqwithPTSD]

Sweetpea. Thank you so much for your post. You seem to have a lot of experience with this. I will as you say, be the calm in the storm. I put my hands down and admit, sometimes I am selfish. Sometimes I do push him, sometimes I do ask for answers, sometimes I do force things, sometimes I do act selfish and just think of my own feelings, sometimes I do feel angry and frustrated. I beat myself up for this.

My boyfriend (do I still call him this?! :S) also has G.A.D which was diagnosed 10 years ago. I have been with him for nearly 7 years. Through out those years, many things happened that triggered his G.A.D, and at times quite badly for longer time periods. With time, I knew exactly how to fix it. I knew what to do when he had anxiety episodes. I BECAME AND WAS his calm in the storm! He would say it himself, I was without a doubt his safe person.

With PTSD, I know I am the only person he can fully (almost) discuss his trauma with and I know I am his safe person when he does not feel well, but PTSD is very unlike GAD. I am finding it hard to manage it, and keeping my own feelings in check. Every time he withdraws I just get more worried and think "this is the end" and I just come closer to him because I am afraid. I need to learn how to handle my own emotions. I have a fear of loss, and I need to somehow get over that. Like I mentioned before, its just hard to see him become another person.

TwilightDream, I feel for you so much. We could always private message each other for support if needed? I am also at times quite emotional. Its hard to do this push-pull thing. I just got back home from seeing him now, and like I wanted to hold his hand, I wanted to be near him..but I didn't. And he didn't try to either. I am not OK with being a "friend", and he knows this. I think I need to just calm down and not try and "define" what we are. Just go with the flow for now, there will come a time for the relationship like sweatpea mentioned.

Sandstorm, your analogy helped actually. When you do compare it to a physical illness, I guess its easier to comprehend. i should know better because I am actually a mental health nurse. I let my feelings and INSECURITIES get the best of me. I think I will seek help of a therapist also because my insecurities are something I need to get over.

I will continue posting on here and blurting my feelings out. I feel quite lonely and my friends (majority of them) aren't supportive because they think he is playing around with my feelings.

 

[Freida]

He said to me that ‘taking a step back from the relationship’ has made him feel better.
Because he was putting pressure on himself as he felt he had responsibility towards me. He said at times he felt like he was forcing his feelings and he was getting very anxious about that.

He feels like a stranger at times. I spoke to him this morning and I was feeling low. When I feel low, sometimes he can’t handle it and he is just really abrupt with me. He keeps saying ‘I have to take care of myself and hearing you unhappy and sad makes me feel so extremely guilty’

sufferer here -- who just happens to have said these things to hubby just this last week - almost word for word.

When PTSD is acting up it sucks. It sucks the life and the love out of you and you have to fight with everything you have just to make it thru the day. You know you are hurting the people around you but the screaming in your head (there is always! screaming) is to much to handle. It takes every moment of your focus and energy just to stay alive. There is no time left for whiny supporters who "want to be heard".

I don't say that to be mean, because my supporters are fabulous - as are the ones on this site. I say this because I am fighting for my life right now and this is what ptsd is telling me. That my supporters are whiny, demanding, intrusive, annoying, blah blah blah people who want to control my life and condemn me because I am ignoring them. And all I want to do is run away from everything --- hubby, family, friends, everyone. Because my head is exploding with things you can't know or see. And I can't explain it any better. When I come back I maybe can - or maybe not. I don't know.

this is life with ptsd.

 

[Sighs]

@Freida - thank you for the insight. It's painful to hear but also so helpful because it's hard to remember not to talks it personally when it's personal attacks you keep hearing.