Relationship Boyfriend With Combat Ptsd Won't Show Affection

[AnnaB]

My boyfriend suffers from combat PTSD from his deployment to Afghanistan. We have lived together now for a year, but he still doesn't ever really show any affection. He's told me he loves me a total of 3 times. I understand that sufferers from PTSD can be emotionally detached and not have the same type of "feelings" but I'm starting to have a hard time accepting that. I just want to feel loved and feel like he really cares about me. I know he does, but it's hard to constantly keep reminded myself that he does when he never shows it. I've asked him to go back to the VA to get help for his PTSD but he refuses to saying he doesn't want to be drugged up all the time and turned into someone he's not, and I don't know how to help him. Is there anything I could be doing to help him? How can I help him to feel emotions again?

 

[dulcia]

How can I help him to feel emotions again?

You may not be able to.

but I'm starting to have a hard time accepting that. I just want to feel loved and feel like he really cares about me.

I think, if you plan on staying in a long term relationship with him, it is something you have to come to terms with accepting. He's not ever going to "get better" or suddenly start showing you the things you want to see, especially if he is not in treatment. A lot of times on here, you'll read about someone who was once an affectionate partner suddenly withdraw and stop being affectionate or even stop interacting at all. If he has never really shown affection like you've said, that may just be the kind of person he is.

 

[dulcia]

With that being said, receiving treatment for PTSD can sometimes alleviate some of the issues that can come up in a PTSD relationship, but there's never and end all cure or fix.

 

[illusionist]

Just because he doesn't show, doesn't mean he doesn't feel.

The very fact he is with you shows that he feels...maybe?

 

[Friday]

Ever come across the 5 Love Languages?

Gifts
Quality Time
Words of Affirmation
Acts of Service
Physical Touch

I ask, because feeling emotions, & expressing them, are 2 wildly different things. Added to that is that what makes us feel loved, and how we express love to others.

 

[Sweetpea76]

When I'm feeling unloved I have to remind myself that loving me is hard work for him. Relationships are frightening and stressful for PTSD sufferers, and while it seems like he is apathetic, he is probably working harder to be with me than anybody else I've ever been with. He's still here when the easiest thing in the world would be to run.

 

[Sunshine71]

My husband says he has to to turn off his emotions just to cope - but its not fair on us.... we have been together for 30 years and he never used to be like this - I dont even like who he has become.... :(