Sufferer Brief Intro And Where To Go From Here?

[usvsourselves]

hi there, 24 year old female who was in a physical/financial/sexually abusive situation for 2 months total, which took place about 6 years ago now.

Things were very difficult after leaving, but I got through it and was self sufficient again 6 months after the ordeal and in regular counselling for about 2 years after the abuse. I would do the odd counselling session during the following 4 years, but not regular. I thought things were fine.

Fast forward to now, I'm in a committed relationship and things aren't so great anymore. Dont get me wrong, my spouse is loving and don't think he would do anything to intentionally hurt me. He can be emotionally distant sometimes which does hurt a lot as I've spent so much of my life after the abuse learning to change and be open about my emotions. But i didn't even consider that I wasn't past the ptsd, until me and my spouse started couples counselling. a dozen sessions in and our counselor suggested that maybe I'm still suffering effects.

the biggest thing, that scares me and my spouse is when I overload on emotions I become violent. Not threatening to kill anyone but I've slapped him numerous times, thrown pillows and today - which prompted me to seek help (that doesn't cost 100/hour... we can only afford so much counseling)- I threw a plate of food and broke a few other dishes because of it.

I've never ever been a violent person, to the contrary- I'm kind, always thinking of other people before myself and have always believed level headed communication will prevail. I'm normally a soft spoken introvert. this behaviour is unacceptable and not who I am.

I'd really like to explore this and hopefully find the path that eventually leads to recovery. I'm hoping someone can point me in the right direction in regards to articles, discussions already in place and where to post when I'm ready.

I'm so glad to have found this board and really hope someone reads this that can give a few suggestions!
thanks for taking the time
-A

 

[Friday]

Welcome to the forums!

There's a really excellent thread on Anger & learning to deal with it that I can't find just at the moment (will post it once I do), but even more basic, and exceptionally useful is this: The Ptsd Cup Explanation

 

[usvsourselves]

Hey Friday! thanks for the reply. that did seem to be a helpful analogy! I'd never thought of it like that, but it often felt like I had a low threshold for stress.
however, the thing I have trouble understanding is that normally, before bring in a relationship, when I was overwhelmed I would have something of an emotional breakdown.
the anger is very recent and had never been part of my life before. why is it suddenly coming out 4 years after I'd thought these issues had been resolved? I'm sure it has something to do with being in a relationship, but I'm more concerned about coming to a solution rather than pin pointing exactly the cause.

 

[Friday]

why is it suddenly coming out 4 years after I'd thought these issues had been resolved?

So the bad news about PTSD, as opposed to other kinds of trauma induced conditions & disorders, is that it's lifelong, and cyclic. Increased stress, or new trauma? Equals more or returned symptoms.

No one gets over PTSD, or resolves it & moves on. Once it's here, it's here to stay.

The good news is that symptoms are highly malleable. The whole point of treating PTSD is to reduce symptoms down to nil. That's practically unique. You're not stuck with the same symptoms, at the same level, forever. You can reduce anxiety attacks, flashbacks, nightmares, rage storms, etc.

It's most basically, done 2 ways: managing stress, & reducing / eliminating triggers (not avoiding, literally retraining the physiological response to them).

Sounds simple. Isn't, usually. :wtf: LOL. But it can be done. You yourself know this, if you've had symptom free months/years... Either on accident (coping mechanisms to manage stress is pretty common), or on purpose (processing trauma, emotional monitoring & regulation, stress management, etc.). So when things get hard, you can remember that you've managed your symptoms before, you can do it again :) Even if you need to figure out new ways to go about it, because old ways aren't working, aren't healthy, or no longer fit in the life you want to lead. It sometimes helps to think of it like diabetes or asthma or any other lifelong condition; symptoms return when things get out of whack (diet, exercise, air quality, etc.) , and need to be addressed.

 

[ghotiff]

Welcome to the forum.

I haven't done "anger". Maybe it's possible that you are finally comfortable in your life enough that you have let yourself feel anger about what happened and that anger is being misdirected?

Just thoughts, I could be completely wrong.

 

[intothelight]

Welcome to the forum! I hope you find some information/ideas that will help you in your recovery.

 

[Seasounds]

Sometimes the solutions come from considering the causes. Fridayjones concisely summarized management/treatment for PTSD related problems; managing reactions ( i. e. anger management) or decreasing the trigger (i. e. removing yourself from the situation).

Regarding cumulative stress, another thought is, that depending on an individual's constitution, or the modeling they had as a child or adult, and their circumstances, a person may exhibit either anger (fight) or depression (freeze/shut down) in any given circumstance. The more we get overwhelmed the more the primative brain gets involved.

 

[Ronin]

Hello, welcome.

One useful anger thread I found is over there: https://www.myptsd.com/threads/dealing-with-anger.49686/

Apologies for direct linking, my linking is a mess these days & don't have patience to fix it.