Sexual Assault Brushing It Off

[PointlessExistence]

I think you are seriously inhibited. I say this because I suffer in a similar way. It's almost as if I numb myself, and it can fool anyone, including myself, into thinking I'm not affected by the situation. It's a form of detachment.

It's like this. If something scary happens, most people have two options: fight or flight. But for those of us who are inhibited, there is that third option of just standing there and doing nothing. It's really a form of denial. It's the feeling that if I don't react to the trauma, then the trauma doesn't exist.

 

[SeekingAfrica]

When I was raped, I was in such shock, that although what happened was indeed extremely violent(I had a lot of bruises for a while, and I hadn't known I'm that much of a fighter until that night), for quite a while I 1. pushed it to the back of my mind because I though I'm too busy to think about it and 2. I couldn't comprehend the word rape. although it was violent, it took me half a year to consider it's possible that what happened "wasn't right" and then another year to be able to say the word rape out loud. At the time I regarded it as an "unfortunate incident" and just had a lot of weird reactions that I completely pushed down. Everything I felt about it was fully suppressed. It only came back in bits and pieces and different reactions when I started trying to be intimate again, and in the worst way- when I finally started a serious relationship where I was really trying to be close to the person and where I felt safe. That triggered me the most.
So...In my experience anything you brush off tends to come back at one point or another. Unless you're really strong mentally and you are really unaffected, brushing off is often just defense mechanism your mind has until it decides you can handle it. That was the case with me, as I had also been sexually abused as a child so my understanding of what abuse is and what sexuality was was entirely twisted and repressed.

That being said, you can be in a dangerous situation without it necessarily becoming a trauma. I think it depends on the level of danger that your brain percieves in the situation. I had once an attempted rape happen to me, and the guy had the sense to stop(after I'd gotten decently scared). I was a bit shook up, and obviously we broke up, but it didn't affect me for that long. Whereas the actual rape I experienced later shattered my world in many ways, for many reasons. But that time it wasn't the feeling of dangerous situation, but literally I had moments when I wasn't sure I'll get out alive...so yeah, that one is still hard to get over.

 

[Gs172003]

When I was with the ex I had a very perverted co-worker. One day, I don't remember why, I had to dress nice for work ( I was a waitress) and had my hands full. Said co-worker walked over, pulled my pants and panties out so he could see down the front of my pants, said " that's pretty. No wonder he likes it so much " and walked away. I just went about my business like nothing happened. Why? I don't know. I should have punched the fool in the face.but to me it was no big deal. I still am not sure why

 

[lostforgottensoul]

My trauma was very violent and since I registered that as normal, everything violent or not that would be trauma is brushed off in my mind as "not a big deal".

It is how we rationalize trauma. In order to survive it physically and mentally (as much as possible) and be able to get through afterwards. And it makes it's mark later to what we thing is "just normal".

 

[PointlessExistence]

We don't hold ourselves in very high esteem, so we feel like we're silly to "make a big deal about it" and that we should "get over it" when it happens. Although we often feel like perpetual victims, we never seem to have much sympathy for ourselves. (I'm generalizing; we're not all the same. But it is a common theme.)