General Can An Abuser Forget That They Abused?

[Crow]

My brother molested me for 4 years and claims the nerve gas in desert storm destroyed his memory. Though he seemingly remembers every other detail of our childhood.

 

[Neverthesame]

Were alcohol and or drugs a factor?

That can cause amnesia. (Though I personally think he's probably bullshiting)

 

[scout86]

The OP specifies that what he 'doesn't remember' is the worst stuff. In other words, I would guess, that which would be most severely punished/ hurt his reputation the most to own. If he had some kind of random amnesia, I doubt it would be that specific. If he was traumatized by his own actions? Maybe. But I question whether or not you can be traumatized by something you deliberately chose to do. If you kill someone in combat, I can see how sometimes that would be traumatic, for example. But you were in a situation where your choices were limited and the adrenaline was already running high. If you CHOOSE to violate another person, own free will, no duress? Then I think your brain makes you stop if you're finding it that traumatic.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I in my early years of therapy went to the group Adults who were molested as children.

They took me out of the incest group into a group of abusers who were sincerely wanting to make amends and change into better people and those of us taken out of the incest group so in the beginning it was an us and them situation. I was in this group for a very long time and each abuser took full responsibility for their actions and also they were aplogizing to us in that we suffered greatly so I think that an abuser ususualy makes the choice to abuse from these guys I spent time with. The worst abuser was a woman who was not sorry.

I think that it is a choice made by most abusers who do not think that they are doing anything wrong. I found it be a very healing experience for me and the other women over time. But these guys are the exceptions to the rules.

I also had to attend a group with freshly arrested abusers, and teenage girls and us adults who had been arrested and our adult anger at the abusers helped the teens to access their anger. Very few of the abusers saw nothing wrong with what crimes they had committed. It was a difficult group to attend to but all of the adult women rallied around the teens and supported them.

To make a long story short, I believe that your abuser made a choice and it is very typical for any kind of abuser to state they do not remember. Just my opinion based on my experiences.

 

[Deleted member 28740]

This should be a funny comment made by an abuser in my family. Recently and we are in our 50's - "You would like me if you got to know me." Speechless.

How he got a light sentence and thinks he is doing just fine (still abusing online mostly, hyper paranoid about any electronic devices brought to his (actually my mother owns the condo and he pays no rent for over a decade) home. I had things stored there all gone through and most stolen.

Yeah, would like to get to know him better.

 

[EveHarrington]

I think it's crazy-making to stay in contact with a family who sides with the abuser.

But hey, maybe that's just me.

 

[Booknerd]

My Mother was one of our sexual abusers. My sister and I tried for years to get some kind of closure and we never got it.
She denied it to her grave. She was an alcoholic and had blackouts. I do believe if someone is under the influence of drugs or alcohol may in truth forget it, incident is a black hole, or they were so traumatized as children that they did dissociative act

I've healed a lot in therapy and know the anger and frustration of denial of abuse. He should go to therapy and be forced to admit it.
There is no grading scale on abuse. They did it or not. Like you can't be a little pregnant, you are or you aren't. Your family could learn a lot from therapy too.

 

[Angela Schultze]

Hi all,

Currently trying to figure this one out. My wife's abuser insists to her family that he cannot...

I've wonder this myself. My ex husband when asked why he continued to rape said that I wanted the act that I asked for it.