Can You Get A Person With Npd To Value You Again?

[lorelei85]

I think I had it even before I met him. I've been like this for a long time now. But it never was so bad. I haven't slept or ate since 18/12. I'm a mess and I feel guilty for not helping myself. Its like I have lost the will to live. And just like a junkie would do, I succumbed to my drug and texted him. I'm not strong enough to fight this. Not now, I'm going through too much. He is fine.

 

[lorelei85]

Everyone tells me to go no contact. But I can't.

 

[Em C.]

@lorelei85 I'm a lot like you so I really do get where you are coming from. My ex and I went through this a lot and I excused his behaviour and let him do things that I shouldn't have done because I loved him. Then, even though I was unsure if I wanted to get back with him for the 4th? 5th? time, I decided to break the cycle and date someone else. I told him, and it escalated into him threatening to kill me in multiple ways for several hours. I know you want to do what feels natural ( I kept talking to my ex long after it was healthy for me to do so because I loved him and wanted to be there) but I'm just concerned that he is manipulating you and because you love him so much you won't break it off until it gets to that stage. I'm not saying he would necessarily do that as I don't know him, but with people like that it happens. If you have PTSD believe me it hurts a lot less pining after someone that you love and want to be with, than being terrified that if you go anywhere they know or don't always lock your door that they have the access and ability to do you serious harm as well as loving them.

Deep breaths and know you will get through this!

 

[Hashi]

You really need professional help. I know you said therapy isn't free in your country. It isn't free in my country either. I've had to find ways to have it all the same. I think you need to be putting your energy and focus into finding a way to get appropriate help.

 

[Philippa]

I didn't know about ptsd until a friend who's spent years in therapy told me. I can't eat, sleep, function. I'm in a catatonic like state in my bed all day.

So you haven't actually received a diagnosis of ptsd, you are just going by something a friend in therapy told you you might have? Is that right?

My hpv and some other diseases I had are back due to my bad mood. Sometimes its like I'm not even here. I feel as if a terrible disaster has happened to me, like I was the victim of a horrendous crime, a crime no one can see or help me with. All I think about is dying.

This does sound like narcissistic trauma...and trauma bonding is something you may want to research.

I have no support and can't afford therapy, its not free in my country. I texted him today basically kissing his behind. I was too weak and stupid. He didn't reply and now I'm spinning and thinking I have been discarded totally now.

Therapy isn't free in any country, is it? It's probably a good thing that he didn't reply. If I could offer any advice it would be to delete his number and block him on your phone.

 

[Philippa]

Everyone tells me to go no contact. But I can't.

If you tell yourself that you can't, then you can't. If you tell yourself that you can, then you can. See where I'm going with this?

I can't really relate as I've never felt this addicted to someone, and I hear you when you say you are addicted to him and feel stupid about it but can't help it. That is trauma bonding, and it is part of how narcissists keep their prey coming back for more.

You do have strength inside you, even if it doesn't feel that way right now. Search for it. Things aren't going to change until you take steps to change them, and removing this person from your life is the first step. You CAN do it.

 

[digger]

I have no support and can't afford therapy, its not free in my country

I don't know which country you are in but there are probably still options for you to look at. Some therapists offer a sliding scale of fees to clients who can't afford to pay - look up some relevant therapists and make a few phonecalls or send a few emails to ask if this an option. Some charities offer therapy either for free or at a lower cost - look up charities relevant to the issues that you think caused your problems prior to meeting this guy and ask about what they offer. Go to your doctor and ask if he/she can advise you of any options available to you.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Nobody can help you unless you help yourself. This means kicking this jerk to the curb. He is incapable of loving or caring for you.

 

[DallasDeborah]

I'm afraid he never valued you beyond that of getting what he wanted from you. you are disposable and replaceable as indicated by his actions. Going no contact is a decision, its a decision that says I value me and I am worth more than what this man is offering me. He is using you, he would step over your dying body, seek counseling, this man doesn't deserve you or any woman. He is abusive and self serving, Run and run fast.

 

[graybeing]

I'm having the same problem. My FWB is a narcissist. We agreed that we would be together until we meet someone else. I was on a dating website and he knew I was on there but he got off. I guess maybe he thought I got off. All I know is his coming and going weeks at a time is beyond me. He always uses his kids as an excuse to being busy. But when he wants sex I have to be there or he gets very mad I can never cancel but he can cancel last minute before we are about to meet up.

Now all of a sudden he got really mad at me because my mom was in the hospital and he called me a liar he said I am playing games with him and he is OUT. I of course went crazy texting telling him I'm sorry and I never have ever lied to him or played games. He said fine go see your mother stop acting weird maybe some other time.

Well the next day I get an email on the dating website and I look at it's HIM. He put up a new profile and in his email to me were only the words GOOD LUCK. I emailed him back and he text me to say if you email me again I'm going to block you. I said ok I'll only text you. I said you know I haven't met anyone and he says well I'm dating a lot and I'm to busy for you now. I said when your free our arrangement works great. He says no pretty much we've run our course and the arrangement is over. I'm like why because of this weekend I told you it was my mom and you cancel all the time last minute. He then texts me back and says look I'm busy and you need to relax. After that I haven't heard from him since.

I text him again and said you know as long as your free I'm here. My question is do you think he is gone for good? I mean if he finds a new supply will he still consider me a supply?

 

[joeylittle]

he says well I'm dating a lot and I'm to busy for you now. I said when your free our arrangement works great. He says no pretty much we've run our course and the arrangement is over. I'm like why because of this weekend I told you it was my mom and you cancel all the time last minute. He then texts me back and says look I'm busy and you need to relax. After that I haven't heard from him since.

He broke up with you. It sounds like it wasn't working well to begin with. I'm not sure his behavior counts as narcissistic - regardless, you really need to move on. Do you have PTSD?

 

[The Albatross]

It has been my direct and personal experience that narcissists or people with the tendency tend to value you when they "need/want/desire" something... but once the need is filled, eh nope not so much... til next time. It is like trying to have a mutually beneficial relationship with someone in a revolving door.